2. Agenda
Seven Key Skills Provided by @LIFECOACHERS
✓ 1 Relationship Management
✓ 2 Conflict Resolution
✓ 3 Personal Branding
✓ 4 Work/Life Balance
✓ 5 Success in the Workplace
✓ 6 Motivation by Example
✓ 7 Seven Steps to Louder Living
3. Relationship Management
Keep getting up and moving forward, every single day, especially if there's at least one
person who will be totally pissed off if you do. - @LIFECOACHERS
4. Relationship Management
Peace is the only answer. Unless someone else gets
the last donut. Then you can start fucking bitches up. -
@LIFECOACHERS
Not being a douche
Look in the mirror in the morning and remind
is often an elegant
yourself not to be a douche. Then go out and
solution. -
spend the day not being a douche.
@LIFECOACHERS
You are the most important personal in the
world, and don’t let anyone tell you differently
NEVER doubt
yourself. That's what unless you suck at life, loser.
your family is for. -
@LIFECOACHERS
At family gatherings, always bring booze. At
Use this day of rest least if it sucks, you can’t make a concerted
to spend time with effort to blackout.
your family and
remind yourself why
you drink. -
@LIFECOACHERS
5. Conflict Resolution
We can't move on unless we forgive. So it looks like we'll be staying
right fucking here. - @LIFECOACHERS
It’s important to set the proper tone when
resolving conflict in the workplace. For example,
“I swear to god Bob, if you lose another customer
I am going to wear your personal brand as a hat.”
6. Conflict Resolution
Always use your social media
presence to loudly express strongly
politicized views, no matter how
inappropriate they are at the
moment. - @LIFECOACHERS
7. Personal Branding
Start a media empire & name it after yourself. Found a magazine & only feature
yourself on the cover each month. Eat one orphan every day. - @LIFECOACHERS
Garnter
studies
show a 6
correlation
between
orphans
Orphans Eaten
eaten and
your klout
score 5
4
1 2 3
Klout Score 15 20 30 70 90
8. Personal Branding
All good things may sometimes come to those who wait but mostly they come
to assholes who don't deserve them. - @LIFECOACHERS
Waiting 1. A new iPhone is released.
2. Hipsters stand in line all night.
3. Now I can’t order a venti soy latte
with extra foam without some
asshole in skinny jeans talking on
Good the phone.
Assholes
Things
9. Work/Life Balance
If you're looking for love it's because you haven't
discovered binge drinking. - @LIFECOACHERS
Pine Away
Discover
Whiskey
The key to living a happy life is to stop worrying about
Stop Caring others and your impact on their lives. All you need is
a bottle of Boones Farm and a warm steel drum fire
to find happiness. LIFECOACHERS is that warm
drum of happiness.
10. Work/Life Balance
We all have gifts. The big question in life is how we will
waste them before dying alone. - LIFECOACHERS
Investment
We all need to invest in others at
1 some point just so we can learn
what a big mistake that usually is. -
@LIFECOACHERS
Sleep at Your Desk
The road to happiness begins with
2 a nap. It pretty much ends there
too. - @LIFECOACHERS
Home and Office
Always remember how precious and
3 special you really are, but never forget
that your ass can replaced in a fucking
heartbeat. - @LIFECOACHERS
11. Success in the Workplace
Make it your goal to learn something new each day, like how not to fuck
shit up all the time. - @LIFECOACHERS
Success
Not
Fucking
Wake Shit Up
Up
12. Success in the Workplace
Take Advantage of the Moment
Wishing people were dead isn't going to get results! Be proactive! - @LIFECOACHERS
1
Word Hard
You can do anything you set your mind to, as long as it's really easy and only takes like thirty seconds
2 or so. - @LIFECOACHERS
Don’t Be Afraid to Try New Things
What ever doesn't kill you usually fucks with your lower back. - @LIFECOACHERS
3
13. Motivation By Example
Cast aside the vices you love and embrace the
healthy things you loath and live years longer in a
state of boredom and misery!
Shut Up And Listen
And Listen
Stressed? Take a deep breath. Hold it. It's a brave new world and it only grows
1 Good. Now you've shut up. God, you're 2 newer all the time. Be prepared each day
annoying. - @LIFECOACHERS to not have a fucking clue what's going on.
- @LIFECOACHERS
14. Motivation By Example
Life is nothing without laughter, so review the wreckage
of your life today and laugh because that's pretty much
all we've got these days. - @LIFECOACHERS
Drink
When life tries to hand you lemons,
1 ask for limes instead. No one wants
lemons in their gin and tonic(s). -
@LIFECOACHERS
Fight
It's important to have a good sense of
2 humor right up till someone jokes about
something you care about, then it's okay
to kick their ass. - @LIFECOACHERS
Sleep
Sleep is crucial to your mental and
physical well-being plus it's like a little
3
taste of sweet, sweet death every single
night. - @LIFECOACHERS
15. LIVE IN ALL CAPS
Seven Steps to Louder Living
THROW OUT THE WASHING STICK AND BURST FROM UNDER THE AUTUMN LEAF PILES OF CHIP BAGS
1 AND OWN YOUR BLUBBER, BEAUTIFUL! - @LIFECOACHERS
ADD EXTRA GLUTEN EAT ALL THE PEANUTS & SOY WEAR A 3-PIECE SUIT TO OCCUPY STUFF GIVE
2 ANARCHIST SHIT TO TEABAGGERS IT'S YOUR LIFE FUCKERS - @LIFECOACHERS
TWEET HARD CORE, LIKE THAT HR GOOGLE SEARCH WON'T FIND YOU TOMORROW, AND KNOW THAT
3
WE LOVE EVERY ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. - @LIFECOACHERS
RUN AROUND LIKE YOU'RE BURNING UP IN FLAMES OF AWESOMENESS unless you're actually on fire in
4
which case you should stop, drop and roll. - @LIFECOACHERS
DON'T STRANGLE MANY PEOPLE TODAY - @LIFECOACHERS
5
WASH YOUR BUTT FOR BETTER LIVING. IT'S NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE. - @LIFECOACHERS
6
7 GET OUT THERE TOMORROW AND TWIST THE NIPPLES OF THE DAY - @LIFECOACHERS
16. Conclusion
The first step to being a better person is turning off the computer, and we all know
that's not happening any time soon. - @LIFECOACHERS
In 2003, the Northeast went dark.
People chugged their beer before
it skunked and then drank wiskey
because you can never be to sure.
LIFECOACHERS prepares you for
those important decisions. Write
that shit down.
17. QUESTIONS?
@LIFECOACHERS is a collection of Twitter
personalities providing you the best life advice you can
get on the internet. You can follow them on Twitter at
https://twitter.com/lifecoachers or if you aren’t as cool, on
Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/LIFECOACHERS
FlyoverJoel is not a member of LIFECOACHERS but you
can still read his daily musings at
https://twitter.com/FlyoverJoel.
