6/3 - Downtown Women's Club Teleclass: Women and Transitions with Amanda Miller

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6/3/2010 - Women and Transitions with Amanda Miller

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  • I bet you didn’t think you would ever need a life coach! Why smart steps.Focus on life’s transitions – the good, the bad and the ugly and know that you are not alone!
  • That might be a surprise to you, but think about a transition that you have gone through…An example I have is …
  • Would anyone be happy to name a transition that they have had? How did it feel at the time?
  • Why are these ambivalent? They should be positive surely?
  • Although transitions begin with some form of ending, it is rarely as simple as just on thing that ends – they tend to attract a crowd. Think about moving to a new area. Your endings will include …
  • Use own breakup to illustrate stages – Denial lasted for 7 months; angry manifested as short tempered with everyone else and self; bargaining about best way for me to survive this – I was never pleading to get him back; depression handled by focusing on horse (replacement of affection?) Acceptance was quite quick once the initial storm had been instigated!
  • Empty nesting, redundancy and even marriage may have this effect on your identity, and how your previously saw yourself
  • Time alone during transitions allows a form of ‘rite of passage’ which would have been a tradition in older societies in order to grow…
  • 6/3 - Downtown Women's Club Teleclass: Women and Transitions with Amanda Miller

    1. 1. Smart Steps Life Coaching<br />‘Aha’ moments for Women Of A Certain Age<br />www.smartstepslifecoach.com <br />
    2. 2. “Every transition begins with an ending”<br />
    3. 3. We are always going through a transition(so let’s consider some you might be famliar with!)<br />
    4. 4. Transitions include<br />The nice ones:<br /><ul><li>Graduation
    5. 5. Leaving home
    6. 6. Getting married
    7. 7. Buying a home
    8. 8. Starting a family
    9. 9. Getting a promotion
    10. 10. Starting a business
    11. 11. Achieving a dream </li></ul>The nasty ones:<br /><ul><li>Adolescence
    12. 12. Divorce
    13. 13. Redundancy
    14. 14. Bereavement
    15. 15. Mid life crisis*
    16. 16. Serious illness</li></li></ul><li>And the ambivalent ones…<br />These are the transitions where you might have expected to have felt really positive, but leave you feeling confused…<br />Motherhood<br />Job promotion<br />Relocation to new home<br />Marriage<br />Your youngest child leaving home<br />Success<br />Retirement<br />
    17. 17. So why do we feel confused?<br />The person we thought we were has changed<br />The situation that we were familiar with has changed<br />We are not sure what will happen next<br />We don’t know what to do next<br />We don’t know what we want <br />…we just don’t know any more!<br />
    18. 18. Ending<br />Ending<br />Three stages of Transition<br />Beginning…<br />“The fog”<br />Ending<br />
    19. 19. Endings…<br />“Are the first phase of the transition process and a precondition of self –renewal.”<br />William Bridges – Making sense of Life’s Changes<br />
    20. 20. Kubler-Ross 5 stage grief model<br />
    21. 21. Endings come in stages too:<br />
    22. 22. Losing your identity<br />The disidentification stage may involve:<br />Loss of a role that previously guided your behavior<br />Lack of a ‘label’ for yourself<br />Not sure who you are or who you want to become<br />“What am I? Who am I?”<br />
    23. 23. Coping in the fog…<br />The key activities that I encourage my clients to do include:<br /><ul><li>Journaling
    24. 24. Nurturing themselves
    25. 25. Time alone
    26. 26. Identifying core values</li></li></ul><li>Your new beginning:<br />Obstacles you will probably face…<br /><ul><li>Your own inner resistance at taking the steps forward
    27. 27. Fear of the unknown
    28. 28. Your inner critic
    29. 29. Procrastination</li></li></ul><li>Your new beginning<br />Some small steps you can take…<br /><ul><li>Keep in mind that when you are ready to make the new beginning, the opportunity will present itself
    30. 30. Listen to your emotional signals
    31. 31. Begin to identify with the final result – what will it look and feel like
    32. 32. Do something everyday, however small, that moves you forward
    33. 33. Remember that this is part of a journey, never the end destination</li></li></ul><li>A thought to ponder ;<br />“Somewhere along the line of development we discover what we really are, and then we make our real decision for which we are responsible. Make that decision primarily for yourself because you can never really live anyone else’s life, not even your own child’s”<br />Eleanor Roosevelt after discovering her husbands affair<br />
    34. 34. After Enlightenment…<br />…the laundry<br />(Zen proverb)<br />

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