I Wish Id Known What To Say By Linley Lord


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  • Fear can drive us to being compliant and to remain silent
  • I Wish Id Known What To Say By Linley Lord

    1. 1. Linley Lord, Director Maureen Bickley Centre forWomen in Leadership, Curtin Graduate School of Business and Marie Finlay, Director SoundingBoard and Nexus Strategic Solutions
    2. 2.  Harassment has a strong physical component, e.g. contact and touch in all its forms, intrusion into personal space and possessions, damage to possessions including a person's work, etc  Tends to focus on the individual because of what they are (e.g. female, black, disabled, etc)
    3. 3.  Almost exclusively psychological (e.g. criticism), may become physical later, especially with male bullies, but almost never with female bullies  Anyone will do, especially if they are competent, popular and vulnerable
    4. 4.  Will my confidentiality be respected?  What is my goal?  Am I asking for action or advice?  What are the risks of me managing this myself?
    5. 5. Some useful questions  What might happen if you take the course of action you are planning?  What are the worst things that could happen?  Why are you afraid of these outcomes?  How bad would it be if these outcomes happened?
    6. 6. Toolbox
    7. 7.  Action  Being heard  Know the company policy  Confronting the harasser/bully  Leaving the job  Support  Personal network of friends  Colleagues and family most helpful  Professional assistance, medical, therapy, union, legal
    8. 8.  Personal growth  Personal reflection  Maintaining your integrity  Meditation  Journal writing
    9. 9. 1. Interrupt 2. Name 3. Correct 4. Divert 5. Use humour 6. Delay
    10. 10. Interrupt an encounter to change its momentum  E.g. when you see that in interaction is beginning to take what you see as a threatening or destructive direction  Asking the person to repeat what they said because “I want to make sure I heard what you said” – can be followed by “I’m sure you know that’s against company policy”
    11. 11. Naming what is going on may not change the outcome but it makes the underlying dynamic or consequences more visible Naming the issue can make people more aware of the problem e.g. “I’m sure you didn't mean to . . .(harass, be offensive etc “I’m sure you don't know/realise that . . .
    12. 12. Making explicit what you believe is taking place and pointing out that the other person’s actions or understandings may be wrong E.g. You are constantly interrupted in meetings – you might say “I wonder why you didn’t hear that I was speaking”
    13. 13. Taking the encounter in a different direction by pointing to the more general pattern of what is occurring e.g. “I notice that in the last two meetings that the women were usually talked over in meetings – I wonder why we do this” You might consider taping the meetings!
    14. 14. Can provide a buoyant, non confrontational way to provide a focus on the issue Can be effective at levelling power dynamics
    15. 15. Can be a wise choice because it enables you to think about how to address the issue in a more calm or appropriate setting You can walk away – but be prepared to meet at a later time “I do want to talk to you about these issues, but I dont want to be harassed/bullied/ yelled at /insulted so let me know when you would like to continue the meeting”
    16. 16.  Ask HR for advice on how to deal with the situation (without making a formal complaint or naming the person/people involved)  Ask a more senior person for advice on how to deal with the situation (without making a formal complaint or naming the person/people involved)
    17. 17. Keep a journal on your desk – when the harasser/bully ‘starts’ you can say “can you speak a little slower, HR said I should write down everything you say”
    18. 18.  Take an observer to the meetings who can help change the dynamics
    19. 19.  Look the person in the eye, put your hands up in a ‘stop sign’ tell them to stop (use a firm voice) (causes them to at least take a breath!)
    20. 20.  Claim your own personal space and appear ‘brave’ even if you don't feel it
    21. 21.  Make sure you have support for any action you are going to take  Remember it isn't you that is the problem  Know your rights (company policy, legal)  Find out what others have done in similar situations (EOC website, Human Rights website, books, professional networks)