Relationships: Dealing With An Abusive Partner


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Are you in an abusive, destructive, or violent relationship? Read this article and discover why it happens and how you can deal with it.

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Relationships: Dealing With An Abusive Partner

  1. 1. Copyright © Elsabe Smit 2010 www.TheIntuitionCoach.comRelationships: Dealing With An Abusive Partner By Elsabe Smit, Author of It’s Over! Move On And Feel Good About YourselfAre you in a violent, controlling, co-dependent or abusive relationship, or recoveringfrom such a relationship? Read this article and discover why we have abusiverelationships and how to recover from them.Some people are real “suckers for punishment”. Like those women that keep goingback to partners that abuse them physically and verbally. And there are men as wellthat stay with abusive partners, or people that stay in jobs or in friendships where theyare bullied.No, I am not judging them. I also have a lot of empathy for them, because it took meyears to shake off two abusive relationships, many destructive work environments andsome feel-bad friendships, even after I had recognized what was happening. I was alsoa “sucker for punishment”.In this case there is more truth in that expression, “sucker for punishment“, than wemay realize.We are all One and part of the same perfect diamond that is called God – or any othername that you know Him/Her by. All of us are required to form this perfect diamond,and the diamond would be flawed if any one of us is different or missing. Abusers alsoform part of the same diamond, and they are also part of our Oneness.When we are in any type of relationship with a person, we have an additional bond withthat person – over and above the one we have with all humanity. Imagine that bond tobe like a very strong silver cord that ties two people together. That cord existsbetween the abuser and the abused, just like it exists between two married people thathave been in a happy relationship for forty or more years.We enter into relationships because we know intuitively that we need the other personto learn important things about ourselves, and to help us get a balance in ourselvesthat we would otherwise miss.Why would anyone willingly enter into an abusive relationship? Even when people closeto you warn you of what they can see but you cannot? And why would anyone stay inthat relationship even when their physical and emotional safety is on line?Because we are “suckers for punishment”. That silver cord is firmly in place, and itliterally sucks us back to the other person until we either realize that we no longer needthem and move on, or until there is an incident that weighs more than the pull fromCopyright © Elsabe Smit 2010
  2. 2. Copyright © Elsabe Smit 2010 www.TheIntuitionCoach.comthat cord, for example when our lives are threatened.That cord is based in the solar plexus chakra, where our will power is seated. All thetime while the cord is in place and we stay in an abusive relationship, we hand our ownpersonal power over to the other person.When the solar plexus chakra is open and healthy, we understand that we are in chargeof our own lives and that we can make our own decisions. We then contribute to arelationship in equal measures, and we understand that we are in the first placeindividuals, and in the second place part of a relationship.When the solar plexus chakra is blocked and not healthy, we often believe that we arepowerless and that we just have to suffer the punishment that is meted out to us byour partners – or even by work colleagues or other family members that abuse us. Thesilver cord ties us to those people as well and not just to partners in a love relationship.That is why people tend to stay in an abusive relationship for long times, and why theyoften go back even when they do get the courage to move out. They are pulled backby this cord that ties them to the abuser, because physical distance from an abuserdoes not change the belief that they are powerless. Physical distance does not stopthem handing their power over to the abuser, because physical distance is a man-madeconcept and not real. That silver cord is real.Once the change happens in the person and he/she starts to understand that they havea personal power and they take that power back, the solar plexus chakra starts tofunction normally. Then the person gets the courage to leave the relationship. Thiscould mean getting a divorce, changing jobs if the abuser is a work colleague, orbreaking off ties – yes, that is literally what happens – with an abusive friend or familymember.Sometimes that realization of having personal power takes too long, and we are forciblyremoved from the situation, for example we face the wrong end of a fire-arm and fleeto safety, and that gives us the courage to stay away from the abuser and heal thesolar plexus chakra. Or we get dismissed from a job and discover that we are better offin a different job. Even then, it could take years to find our balance again.The question is: why is this kind of information not available to us when we most needit? Why is the understanding and the healing not available much earlier?I suppose that is where our karma comes in – we need the experiences to find abalance with previous experiences. We choose our lives and our experiences, and attimes it is hard to remember that all our experiences and our entire lives are perfect forour purpose in this life.Copyright © Elsabe Smit 2010
  3. 3. Copyright © Elsabe Smit 2010 www.TheIntuitionCoach.comIf you are struggling to put an abusive relationship behind you, click on the links below to obtain your FREE e-book How Do I Get Out Of This Relationship? worth £6.97 AND A FREE copy of the video Why relationships Never Fail worth £8.87If you want to put an abusive relationship behind you and get on with your life, click onthe link below to invest in the e-book It’s Over! Move On And Feel Good About Yourself.Copyright © Elsabe Smit 2010