BURB - a design and urban lifestyle magazine from the future

  • 2,072 views
Uploaded on

BURB is a magazine from the year 2020 that describes the life in the advanced urban setting that has emerged. Dense and intense, beautiful cityscapes have been created, but reading the articles and …

BURB is a magazine from the year 2020 that describes the life in the advanced urban setting that has emerged. Dense and intense, beautiful cityscapes have been created, but reading the articles and interviews it becomes clear cities as the result solely built on commercial forces lack many qualities. This issue looks back at the period 2010-2020 and celebrates the ten year anniversary of the 'Cunning City'. Slowly the stark reality below the surface of slick architecture and mind numbing commercialization become apparent.

Neville Mars, Adrian Hornsby, DCF

All projects on http://BURB.tv

  • Full Name Full Name Comment goes here.
    Are you sure you want to
    Your message goes here
    Be the first to comment
No Downloads

Views

Total Views
2,072
On Slideshare
0
From Embeds
0
Number of Embeds
3

Actions

Shares
Downloads
68
Comments
0
Likes
2

Embeds 0

No embeds

Report content

Flagged as inappropriate Flag as inappropriate
Flag as inappropriate

Select your reason for flagging this presentation as inappropriate.

Cancel
    No notes for slide

Transcript

  • 1. WWW # 2010-2020 LOOKING BACK AT A GLORIOUS DECADE # GREAT WALL MAKE-OVER # PET OF THE FUTURE # HAUNTED IN THE MEGAMALL # FAT CAT CRUSHED # ARE CELEBS WATCHING US? # PLUS MUCH MORE INSIDE... this week 10 Years Cunning City !
  • 2. Beijing 2020: a this beijing CheCkmate Real-estate is the CentRal business distRiCt of how we at like to safe haven for your investment! soaRing see it. like an eagle oveR the toweRs of ouR gReat Capital the shRewd business in sense of ouR veneRated CoRpoRation beComes most appaRent. the playing field of the in CheCkmate Real- expanding City we aRe the undisputed winneRs. the last five yeaRs not estate has built the tallest and toughest toweRs in town. one Company has Realized with ouR effoRts we have seCuRed an unpReCedented stRonghold in moRe, fasteR. China `s aggRessive Real-estate maRket. fRom this position we obseRve the City as it gRows. we seize eveRy oppoRtunity to build and we annihilate the medioCRe pRojeCts of past and CuRRent CompetitoRs. join ouR team of winning investoRs now and view the City as it Really is: a toweRing landsCape of poweR and potential. Friendly affiliated with the Carlyle Group DC. CheCkmate Real-estate
  • 3. cc, october 14, 2020 mayor he xin cheng (何新城 ) day and night. behold its arteries throbbing in the dark. today for the first time We look back and take pride in our achievements. opening statement at the cunning city’s (诡异之城 ) onlookers, local and foreign Were curious — critical sometimes. 10th anniversary celebrations policy makers have often tried to deprive us. but the cunning city Was strong from its conception. it is not an instant city, but an urban nucleus unfolding rapidly. its success formula is Widely imitated. the cunning city has unleashed a social revolution. too many cities Were merely throWn up by Well-connected businessmen and over-zealous officials. their vitality perished With the first cracks in the paint. their Welcome citizens! Welcome visitors! ten years ago this land under our concrete shells, noW empty, lie scattered around the landscape. We have feet Was farm land. ten years ago the sky Was gray With dust and soot, invested together, avoiding opportunism and state squander. many of and our hands blistered from spades and rusty shovels. today We are you gathered here today left the fields or abandoned the factories and here to look around us at What We have created. We have created a construction sites to build your oWn home, your oWn city. noW We all dream. a dream of glass and concrete, of parks and avenues, schools benefit from the prosperity of the cunning city corporation. and office toWers. those days the World around us Was in turmoil, occupied by greed and in this our beautiful city has excelled Where so many have religious extremism. all We believed in Was progress! mass migration failed. far from the glare of shanghai, the proWess of Was our exodus. the neW city Was our promised land. our faith: guangzhou, and the splendor of beijing, We have blossomed. Without hesitation progress, performance and prosperity We have developed beyond a mere production With this belief, you, the citizens have designed a city in the likeness of your oWn desires. you have packed center to become a poWerful trade hub, an educational center, a tourist destination, a shopper’s paradise, a city of the masses. today this city is a metropolis, and one of the most the center competitive on the globe. to its full commercial potential, to get here We have Walked neW and uncertain roads. We have built and sculpted suburbs to fit effortlessly into your comfortable With blind courage and persistence. We have abandoned the existing consumer lifestyle. Who Wanted Walls or gates, When shopping and relinquished tradition. We have denied the permanent and embraced could be so seamless? Who Wanted to Wait, When you could the dynamic, and evolved even beyond ourselves. instead alWays be moving? today We can add tWo more ps – those today this city is all cities. every morning it reveals itself in unseen of perfection and play. What’s left for us is to enjoy the ride. Ways. it’s like a forest — its roots digging deep in the hard soil, its branches our dense roads and bridges, its canopy of green like our terraced estates. today the cunning city no longer is a city. it is a this presentation Was brought to you by omnigroup, your friendly affiliate! World. a World Where We live, produce and consume. you Will all agree When i say, this brave neW World We have built together: its structures so extravagant they make other cities redundant; its artificial landscapes so subtle they can rival mother nature herself. Who can resist such glorious temptations When it nurtures us, serves our desires, and our pleasures? the cunning city alWays knoWs What We Want. it’s a friend With a mind of its oWn, and a body at Work for us 4 bURB bURB 
  • 4.  bURB bURB 
  • 5. CONTENTS burb agazine: concept and artwork: neville mars POLITBURB texts: adrian hornsby, neville mars brain-melt-eurotrash 14 layout: neville mars, adrian hornsby Still spilling off ships and into trouble graphical contributions: xiong yi fei, jeffrey ludlow, vanessa lee, alexis martin reyna, jeff gompertz & yoko taketani, Wang zi hot from the dragon’s mouth 18 contributing authors: louis coulomb, erich schienke, elena simons, Dark stuff afoot in the north west jeremy mercer, beatrice ferrari, Wei Wei shannon 28 cunnning city facts & figures Catch the latest via r exclusive datastream This page team: neville mars, hou xiu, li xin lu COOL NEW STUFF! 1 from ming to bling! Check out ancient China 2020-style 30 Wanna haves! R latest wish list 40 carving out neighborhoods Blast of light for the Cunning City IN THE HOME 22 the rise of the phoenix panda Who said genebenders can’t be cute? 42 my home — my network Find out how Apple never needs to go outside TALK OF THE TOWN! 44 marriage 4 a moment He’s blue — she’s pink … 48 fat cat trampled in cat crazed stampede! Whoa, but how did that happen? 49 What a podd question! Kooky celebs get their spy pods 2 ghost in the sponge Strange things afoot in r favorite mall-chine PERSONAL FOCUS urban growth  A story of er-road-ed dreams and new high-deas! 0 Yoko Where Are You? / Unidentified Youth Odd disappearances and haunting scenes SPORTS AND LEISURE shanghai shehui’s silver signing 24 The Puds net another big name 4 high art for the faint at heart Fancy a spot of culture? Well just look around you! SPECIAL FEATURES the cunning city 2 10 years on and more alluring than ever 2 freeze Dreamers get busy with Humans 2 Oceans 8 bURB bURB 9 ADVERTISEMENT
  • 6. installation 10 bURB bURB 11
  • 7. “THE DyNAMIC CITy IS THE CHINESE DREAM!” 12 bURB bURB 13
  • 8. POLITBURB Brain-melt- eurotrash migrant migrane this month another dilapidated number of europeans are arriving european freighter, ironically in china through regular channels, dubbed the MS Bright Future, ran and showing every indication that aground coming into china — this they intend to stay. time quite literally under the nose traditionally eu migration to of pudong’s celebrated golden china has come from turkey and mao. it’s hard to imagine what the the balkan areas, but a gathering father of the ccp would have had wave is now observable from to say, but it seems unlikely he regions further north. this is largely would have felt much sympathy for attributable to the “melted brain” the 28 illegal european immigrants syndrome, where burnt out creative on board. as individuals they may sectors and bad loans have led have been dirty, malnourished, and to economic instability and rising sick, but as part of a growing trend, unemployment. they represent further administrative but the migration is not all job- headaches and international orientated. learning-migration embarrassment. also has a significant role to play, this is the last in a string of with a substantial growth in the such incidents, including illicit number of students traveling to migrant vessels caught docking china. figures from 2019 show a near shenzhen, qingdao, and on 3% increase on the previous year, chongming dao island, as well making europeans by far the largest as european stowaways found in single group in the class of foreign numerous freight containers up and students enrolled in institutions of down the coast. no estimates have higher learning in china. been released for how many may early indicators show that having have slipped through the net. completed their studies europeans the risks associated with eu-china do not return home. according to people trafficking are considerable. the oecd, the return rate over the the smugglers themselves are period 2008-2019 was only 14.1%. notoriously brutal, and to avoid While this is all indicative of suspicion, will devise complicated continuing chinese economic and lengthy travel routes. it is strength, questions hang over the suggested that illegal migrants are issue of urban integration. european often subject to abuse en route, communities tend to be segregated and held for many years in debt- within the city, and internal violence bondage upon arrival. between different ethnic factions this form of migration is however worries the psb, who increasingly no more than a dark tributary to are being forced to view the influx the much wider flow. An increasing as a threat to urban security. 14 bURB bURB 1
  • 9. From minG COOL NEW STUFF! to BlinG! great Wall gets a 2020 makeover sick of pics of the drab old wall in you can’t doubt the man’s en- • an automated anti-vandal taser decline? “no more!” says guo pu, thusiasm, and, with the whopping protection system the construction magnate who has 800 billion rmb he’s bringing to the taken on the task of bringing it up to project, his power to make things • speakers every 0m play- date. happen. the proposals include: ing mood music and nature ‘i’m not just talking about a wall sounds face-lift here,’ says mr guo. ‘i’m • replacement of damaged talking about the whole thing: im- stones with neon-pink kevlar much of the original wall was plants, bigger lips, smaller nose, bricks built during the ming dynasty in the cheekbones, ass — the works! that 14th and 1th centuries. now at last wall is old, but we’re going to make • full end-to-end coating of the it looks like ming’s gonna get his it sizzle!’ wall with high gloss teflon bling on! 1 bURB bURB 1
  • 10. POLITBURB Hot!!! from the Dragon’s Mouth distant soundings fragmented reports have been cir- culating this week that us military forces made an incursion into xin- jiang province in north western chi- na. according to one source, this is cally integrated and highly efficient part of a covert operation aimed at economic powerhouse, with a thriv- ‘backing muslim separatists in their ing internal market, and strong eco- struggles against repression and in- nomic ties with populous brazil and timidation at the hands of the chi- india. What’s more, until recently, nese military.’ at an international china’s foreign reserves were bulg- press conference Chinese officials ing with us dollars and treasury bills vociferously denied any attack, even while china no longer de- while at the same time condemning pended nearly as much on exports the idea as ‘unlawful aggression.’ to grow. the suggestion of humanitarian economists seem to agree on only concerns was deemed a ‘human one thing these days: when the oil rights smokescreen [being used] to price broke the mythical $300 a influence developments in the great barrel in 201, the global economy yugsar basin.’ the area has been suffered a deadly blow. since then, thrust onto the international stage the lights have virtually gone out in ever since deep nmr mapping re- africa, and much of south america vealed a 400 billion barrel oil field is down to a flicker. The smaller, less beneath its dusty plains. satellite resilient – mostly european – com- images suggest russia has begun panies have either collapsed or to mobilize troops on its kazakhstan been taken-over by larger ones, fur- and mongolian borders, signalling ther consolidating global corporate an intention to respond if the puta- structures. mergers and acquisitions tive conflict threatens to spill-over have brought together the most into its territory. unlikely of couples. last week saw since global oil production peak- the hostile take-over of ballistika, ed in 2013 the us has focussed all of russia’s largest military hardware its military might on securing energy manufacturer, by the mammoth supplies and maintaining transporta- Exxon-GE-Pfizer Group (EGPG). tion routes. this has been the source most of ballistika’s dozen or so plants of significant tension between the US are situated in north eastern china and china. it now looks as though — plants which have for the last  ten years of economic tit-for-tat years been china’s foremost sup- between these two countries may plier of advanced missile technol- have finally come to a head. The ogy. but with the suggestion of us zero-sum interdependencies of the troops trickling into xinjiang prov- Wal-mart era are a quaint memory ince, some things may be about to of a gentle early millennium. china change. has shifted from being the us’s dis- as many commentators have count overseas factory to a verti- pointed out, the most important 18 bURB bURB 19
  • 11. CONT. FROM PAgE 18 developments in recent years all ther burned on site or transported to seem to be hinged on whether or power plants around the country. not adequate supplies of energy the amount of co2 released into can be secured. there isn’t a ma- the atmosphere by china has dou- jor multinational in the world that bled in the last five years. Perversely, FeelinG doesn’t have a stake in the oil and some might claim this is an indica- gas supply chain, be it upstream tion of how well things are going. af- oBserved? or downstream; be it in shipment or ter all, the true scale of global warm- commercialization. many alliances ing cotinues to be hotly debated. have been built around political ob- the quintupling of freak hurricanes jectives. one of these has been to since the beginning of the century is squeeze china out. facing chronic suggestive, but climatologists from widespread power outages and oil the hadley center predicted a wa- price spikes, china has been forced terlogged benelux by 2020, and this to step up coal production dramati- appears not to be the case. and so, cally over the last few years. calls until it is, to some there is no global by beijing to reopen at once hun- warming. this seems to be the mind- dreds of derelict and ill-equipped set predominating in boardrooms, coal mines grimly echoes the great and up and down the global strip leap ventures that brought so much mall. hardship and environmental degra- here in the cunning city, the man dation. about one third of the coal on the street is little concerned with is currently being converted to liq- the world’s conflicts and upheavals. uid, synthetic fuel to make-up the he’s worked hard to be able to con- two million barrels a day shortfall sume hard, and no border skirmish is from conventional oil. the rest is ei- likely to upset that. ADVERTISEMENT Wherever you’re from … Fidel Castro Colonel Sanders Colonel Castro Kim Il Sung Colonel Sanders Colonel Il freeZe (h20) rooms stiLL avaiLaBLe... Uncle Ho Colonel Sanders Colonel Ho 20 bURB bURB 21 * advertisement *
  • 12. IN THE HOME The Rise of the Phoenix Panda This month saw the final goodbye ceeding years a number of bloated rent embryos date from this period,’ to the giant panda as scientists fi- panda corpses were found on vil- dr zhu notes. ‘that means our entire nally admitted defeat, and agreed lage garbage heaps, where, rum- genetic stock is 1 bummed out to scrap their stock of frozen pan- maging for sustenance, they had panda bears. We’re not even deal- da embryos. attempts over the last confusedly ingested batteries, plas- ing with a full deck.’ few years to culture the embryos, tics, and various heavy metals. but while dr zhu and his team either in artificial environments or in the meantime pandas in cap- were determined to drive down to in the wombs of closely related tivity continued to feast on “panda the very bottom of this dead end al- species, have led to one failure af- powerbars”. however, the concern ley, a splinter research group calling ter another. there has been grow- for scientists was maintaining a suf- themselves pandas for tomorrow ing criticism of what has become ficient genetic pool to ensure the (pft) decided to explore a different known as the “panda pit”, and the overall health and diversity of the route. ‘We had always been inter- oversized global “panda pocket” species. in 2008 an initiative was ested in the possibility of cloning,’ dr when it comes to funding. brought in to map the genome of xu, spokesman for pft, has told us, ‘it’s not a technology issue,’ dr every remaining panda individual: ‘but the directors at Wolong were zhu, head scientist at the Wolong at that time  in all. too attached to some dated idea of breeding center insists. ‘We have the task was completed in 2011, “natural generation.” the challenge very advanced fake wombs, and but increasingly pandas born from was always to persuade very con- with the right drugs you could this tiny base were showing reces- servative board members to allow make a crocodile give birth to a sive traits, including brownish fur us to harvest their precious panda A panda bear. the wall we’ve come and distinct behavioral oddities. stem cells. that’s why the clonotron up against is simply an exhausted fears around asperger’s syndrome was such a breakthrough.’ genetic stock. ultimately it’s the pandas seemed to be confirmed by panda stem cell harvesting was quality of the embryos you have low levels of social behavior, and generally regarded as a threat to to deal with, and frankly, they’re a reluctance to engage in mating. potential fetuses, and therefore re- junk.’ centers exposed pandas to massive jected out of hand. but just as things this argument is no revelation, quantities of video footage of repro- looked to be deadlocked, a paral- but rather confirms what skeptics duction in the wild, but while this lel technology came to the rescue. have been saying for years: that did provoke an outrage about pub- the clonotron, developed in south when it comes to the giant panda, lic expenditure on “panda porn”, korea, allowed a new genetic map we left it too late. as well as widespread sales of pi- to be imprinted or reprogrammed !! B things started to look seriously rated dvds, the pandas themselves onto an existing stem cell cluster. ed bad for the world’s favorite bam- weren’t getting hot. and while panda stem cells weren’t boo-binger back in 200. a mas- ‘It just didn’t seem to float their forthcoming, pft, in a bold move, n sive simultaneous efflorescence boat,’ dr zhu comments, remember- decided to pursue a “phoenix pan- of arrow and umbrella bamboo in ing sadly that period. da hack”. using genetic information m the mountainous regions of both by 2014 the wild panda popula- from the 2011 census, dr xu came da sichuan and shaanxi provinces tion was officially zero, and center up with new “theoretical” pandas, led to a wide-spread die-off of the workers were becoming increas- and then printed their genomes onto an two bamboo types most favored ingly pessimistic about the outlook stem cells garnered from american by the panda bear. the already for the species in captivity. numbers raccoons. raccoons are closely re- P low wild panda population suf- had sunk to 1, and sexual activity lated to pandas, and with a little fine fered high death rates. over suc- was at an all time low. ‘all of our cur- tuning, dr xu was able to design ge- 22 bURB bURB 23
  • 13. SPORTS AND LEISURE CONT. FROM PAgE 22 nomes that would take. backs of their vintage petrol-burn the phoenix panda burst into the cars. public sphere in 201, when it am- but the practically limitless sup- bled down the catwalk of paris fash- ply of raccoon stem cells has been ion Week for top designers prêt-à- bringing the availability and afford- porter, and had that infamous bowel ability of the phoenix panda to the movement. prêt’s dwindling global upper-middle classes. a cub now popularity seemed to be confirmed retails at a cool 00,000 rmb, and by the silent comment of this brand just about every chic district in the new species, but while prêt was out, city has its peppering of owners. the phoenix panda was very very analysts are expecting a sharp rise in. in demand following the official ex- naturally docile, readily adapt- tinction of the phoenix panda’s un- able to domestic food, and at only lucky forebears. one third the size of a giant panda, dr xu taps the ash off the end of the faintly striped phoenix panda his exquisite cuban cigar. ‘sure i la- quickly became the luxury pet to ment the death of the giant panda,’ have on the end of your diamond he says, ‘and this admission from leash. stars were caught on cam- Wolong is something of a grave- era with them, and city tycoons had stone. but nature moves on. and them sitting conspicuously in the business is booming.’ ADVERTISEMENT shanGhai shehui’s silver siGninG three million jerseys emblazoned with the number 10 sold in the first week alone. a guaranteed full house for every game at the newly-expanded honhkou stadium months before the jia a season signing the most coveted prospect rudolfo was the target of a dozen kicks off. the football demigods in history to the richest contract in top european sides, including in madrid, manchester, and milan history. rudolfo, a fleet striker with real madrid who had offered a weeping bitter tears of frustration. an assassin’s touch around the net, record transfer fee of 200 million thus far, shanghai shehui’s 1.8 scored an aneurysm-inducing 4 euros to lure him to san bernabeu. billion rmb gamble on the magical goals for corinthians last season, but shanghai’s director of player touch of rudolfo is paying off. leading the brazilian club to victory operations, sun qi, flew to parque the reigning chinese champions in both their domestic championship sao jorge to negotiate directly with stunned the football world by and the copa america. the player and the club, and won gO TO PAgE 61 24 bURB bURB 2
  • 14. Rise & Shine: the great awakening like the gasses involved in the big lissome fabric was able to move bang, huge clouds of people were and stir change, thus activating compressed into the cunning city. the full commercial potential of its superheated centripetal forces had own unique condition. its ability to amassed an indefinable amalgam process consumer urges fedback of energies, materials and individu- into urge-generation, with an in- als. urban tissue swelled, but like evitable spiraling upwards. those moments right before the national and ethnic identities bang, everything was ingeniously unwound in the context of vec- packed together. tors of such extreme magnitude. vaulting the need for physical As people traversed the fluid proximity, packets of light bolted up virtual and physical spaces of and down optic fibers, drawing the the cunning city, they became scattered fragments of the world’s chameleons — translucent bod- aspirant metropoli into a unified cun- ies refracting the urban con- ning web. global capitals merged text. constantly shifting charac- and demand-threads co-aligned ter, the first conclusion was that in the continuous presence of the each person had become many strong urban force. global rivalries people. but in fact, the opposite ceded the battleground to a unified was occurring. just as the cun- structure for desire. the cunning city ning city had collapsed distance, was only too capable — too swift and substituted choice for will, and supple — when responding. its it was melding individualities … gO TO PAgE 36 2 bURB bURB 2
  • 15. 14 percent small settlements, 47 percent urban. Current population spread: 12 percent rural, 18 percent small settlements, 70 percent ur on october the 5th, the united ations announced that global population had reached the 10 billion mark, just 8 years after passing 9 billion. population density now amounts to 19.6 inhabitants per POLITBURB square kilometer. Cunning CiTy - faCTs & figures females burst into tears 29 times a year on average, beating males by 450 percent. population spread in 2000: 39 percent rural, 14 percent small settlements, 47 percent urban. Current population spread: 12 percent rural, 18 percent small settlements, 70 percent urban. urban area totals 102014400 square kilometers. rural area totals 408057600 square kilometers. last year’s migration from rural to urban area x 1000: january 367, february 243, march 156, april 156, may 278, june 293, july 368, august 271, september 255, october 199, november 133, december 250. inhabitants by age 0-12: 16 percent, 13-18: 20 ercent 19-45: 32 percent, 46-65: 9 percent 66-80: 13 percent 81-150: 10 percent. if all of this year’s valentine’s cards were attached in a chain, they would span he earth 1.8 times. ‘To do’ lists contain an average of 14 items. within the built area of non-residential construction, shopping accounts for the majority- 33 percent- of the area, followed by 20 percent for living, 17 percent for offices, 10 percent for industry, and 9 percent for education, 6 percent for infrastructure and 5 percent for recreation. last year, 350 children were reported to the police for glass breakage resulting from snowball games. median height of residential construction in urban area is 45 floors. median depth of residential construction is 9 floors. Those living above the 60th floor engage in sexual intercourse 1.3 times more frequently than those living below the 15th floor. Champagne consumption is 3.1 times higher. sewer capacity increased by 36% in the last twenty years. inhabitants f the park regions are three times more likely to develop caries before the age of 17 in relation to the average citizen. females pay 5.4 visits to the bathroom, ales go to the little room 3.4 times a day. migration from less developed Countries (ldC’s) to more developed Countries (mdC’s) amounts to 132.000 per month. in city enters households occupy an average of 31 square meters, while suburban residency averages 45 square meters and rural households enjoy 61 square meters. suicide is p by 5 percent in the last 5 years. demographic indicators suggest a trend towards shrinking families in dense urban areas, countered by a strong increase in household embers for suburban areas. household size for rural areas is expected to remain steady at 4.3 members. single parent families: 44 percent, two- parent families: 39 ercent, other: 17 percent. families enjoy the following domestic dwellings: 23 percent apartments of which 34 percent owned and 66 percent rented, 17 percent lofts f which 37 percent owned and 63 percent rented, 9 percent villas of which 73 percent owned and 27 percent rented, 12 percent farms of which 89 percent owned and 11 ercent rented, 3 percent bungalows of which 79 percent owned and 21 percent rented, 6 percent mobile units of which 96 percent owned and 4 percent rented, 13 percent omeless shelters of which 0 percent owned and 85 percent rented, 17 percent on the streets of which 0 percent owned and 0 percent rented. per thousand inhabitants, households keep 80 dogs, 154 cats, 39 hamsters, 390 goldfish, 21 parrots, 37 rabbits, 293 stick insects, 21 gerbils and 189 other. The world population travelled a total of 64000 billion kilometers last year (6800 km per capita). Citizens in possession of a car are 2.1 times more likely to also own a monthly subway subscription. Travel on foot takes an average of 14 minutes per trip, of which 6 minutes are spent in elevators, 4 minutes in semi-covered space, 3 minutes in open air and 1 minute otherwise. Taxi rides are considered a ‘special treat’, an ‘emergency convenience’ or an ‘obsolete nuisance’. subway- station employees spend 12% of their working hours cleaning discarded fee tickets from the ground. national trips by pals 41 percent, aeroplanes 23 percent, public transport 22 percent, cars 10 percent and human ower 4 percent. international travel utilises aeroplanes 54 percent, pals 23 percent, public transport 19 percent, boats 2 percent and human power 2 percent. air ravel increased by 67 percent in the last ten years. within this period 872 new destinations were opened to air traffic. 76 serious crashes (>50 fatal victims) and 8 minor crashes (<50 fatal victims) occurred. airline seat spacing has been increased on many commercial flights to accommodate for an increasingly obese populace. allets contain 3 paper notes, 11 coins, 3 plastic cards and 17 gold tooth chippers. private corporations account for 96 percent of gdp. Tax rate dropped by 7 percent n the past two years. Tax income dropped by 9 percent. governments filed 44 antitrust lawsuits against multinational corporations, of which 17 led to financial ettlements and 27 were pronounced unfounded. The ten largest corporations employed 800 million workers resulting in a total profit of $ 7466 billion. if commercial nterprises were combined with countries and ordered according to annual revenue or gross domestic product depending, China would be the first nation state to appear n the list in position 28. international goods trade totals a yearly 15,3 billion megatons, of which 30 percent transported by road, 28 percent by train, 27 percent by air and 15 percent by sea/river. last year 430550 patents were registered. ‘lessons from the little’ is becoming a major trend as adults discover how much essential knowledge on computing children have to offer, and kids recognise a source of income. in the meanwhile toddlers have lost interest in last year‘s fad, the down syndrobot. hours of sleep by age: 0-1: 15.3, 2-5: 10.0, 6-12: 9.6, 13-18: 7.0, 19-45: 6.5, 46-65: 5.7 66-80: 9.3 81-150: 9.6. starting 9th of february performance artist alicia saunders will be showing her 4 meters of purple toe and fingernails after a successful aesthetic nano-treatment. average jobholders get 12 days of vacation a year, which they prefer to spend ‘by the seaside with my family’ 28 percent, ‘at meditation camp’ 22 percent, ‘refurbishing my home’ 14 percent, ‘playing pester the poor’ 7 percent, ‘looking for a new relationship’ 6 percent, ‘other’ 21 percent. long distances are crossed in an effort to enjoy these activities in exotic places: 63 percent of respondents visit another continent, 22 percent go to another country and 15 percent stay home. sharp competition has driven many small hotels out of business, but the major chains have more locations on offer than ever, especially by the coast. Civil wars rage in 38 backward nations where liberation movements battle democratic government. shi’ites continue to dominate 78 sober, peaceful nations. in the 34 more developed Countries libertarianism and empowerment are reigning deologies, though strains of sunnism and back to body movements can sometimes threaten the status quo. The united nations development program (undp) reported last ear that the world’s 225 richest people now have a combined wealth of $3.4 trillion. That’s equal to the combined annual income of the world’s 4.5 billion poorest eople. seventy countries were worse off than 15 years ago. at present, 6 billion people live on less than $2 per day while 1.3 billion get by on less than $1 per ay. seventy percent of those living on less than $1 per day are women. with global population expanding by 120 million per year, world bank president marshall j. ush cautions that, unless we address “the challenge of inclusion” 30 years hence we will have 7 billion people living on less than $2 per day. median width of avements: 1.7 meters. since world war ii the public has come to see terrorism, not war, as most disturbing experience. after some minor left wing and palestine- elated attacks in the seventies, the world was virtually free of terrorism for three decades. a modest hijacking incident in new york at the beginning of the millennium parked a new surge of attacks. al Qaeda has since inspired sunni and atheist anti-civilization militia to carry out a plethora of terrorist acts, of which the nnihilation of israel is most memorable. methods used successfully in the last decade: 54 common explosives, 19 hijackings, 13 biological weapons, 7 neurobombs, 3 irty bombs. all directed at major mdC cities or sites of tourism. The relatively new neurobombing is expected to occur with increasing intensity in the coming years ith saudi arabian arms industry going steady. 23 percent of citizens sleep in multi-protection tents, 54 percent own and often carry protective garments, 31 percent ive in the moment and 13 percent would purchase protection if only they could afford it. Thanks to sustainable manipulation, pigs yield 245 meat consumptions, up rom 230 five years ago. bacon is 20 percent leaner. The median package of sausages contains 8 sausages. aroma lard is becoming increasingly popular as a sandwich spread amongst the lower classes. Children prefer strawberry, banana, coconut flavours. adults prefer andouilette, aubergine and coconut flavours. worldwide energy consumption: 31 percent petroleum, 28 percent renewables, 15 percent natural gas, 16 percent nuclear, 7 percent coal and 3 percent incineration. in the ldCs, 80 percent 28 bURB bURB 29 f illnesses are water-related. worldwide water withdrawals from water bodies have risen from 700 m3/person/year in 2000 to over 1300 m3 today. freshwater lakes,
  • 16. COOL NEW STUFF! Wanna ... There was a time you could just PICK UP the phone when it rang. The Phoney brings back that sensation from the good-old days! It's a revolution in watch and telecommunications design that allows you actually to detach the horn when it rings and plug it in your ear. Made possible with the bluetooth hands-free earpiece and speaker in one! STR8^ Tired of dragging that bottle of Scotch under your armpit? STRAIGHT UP, the one shot Scotch in throw away container saves the day. Bite the top off and gulp, gulp, gulp! Also available in a handy friends-pack. Transformers watch out! Those mad Martians bring us the latest in home-away-from-home cinema. Convert the back of your lorry into a small office, an outdoor presentation center, a megas- creen cinema and driving disco with the pull of a string! www.BARC.tv Future chic is back! This stainless steel chesterfield couch swept us off our feet. Built to hover above the ground over a built- in bright pink neon light, you can enjoy CHESTER ... haves! in and outdoors as the buttonholes ensure a stay-dry seat! 5 Minute Mies Thinking of turning that derelict lot into an art studio and making some handy cash while you’re at it? This prefab ’n’ brick build-it- yourself Miesian package does just the trick! 30 bURB bURB 31
  • 17. next issue: Cities to the moon PFFW EEEI I! # MOON METROPOLIS MUSHROOMS WITH A RINg OF BRAND NEW SATELLITE STATIONS. EFFORTS TO CURB MOONSPRAWL ARE INITIATED, BUT INHABITANTS ARgUE THERE IS NO SHORTAgE OF SPACE. # LUxURy HOTELS OPEN ON MOON METROPOLIS, ONLy HOW ARE THE MOHITAS? # MOON RELOCATION: FINE FOR SOME, BUT DOES IT HELP US DOWN HERE? gET THE C.C. PERSPECTIvE. A BURB.MOON ExCLUSIvE REvEALS ALL ... 32 bURB bURB 33
  • 18.  Paris 000, Koolhaas according to Mars: “Urbanism is nothing more than the strategic injection of inhabitants, directly followed by the meticulous planning of a red light district to ensure a twenty-four hour economy” Great Great Great 34 bURB bURB 3
  • 19. britney’s house see p.49 CONT. FROM PAgE 26 Through the collective gratification of its citizens, the Cunning City has developed a mind of its own. 3 bURB bURB 3 lucid commercialism == fast fluid change =
  • 20. G? ★ ★ ON R W NE GO RE PI EM ★ 38 bURB bURB 39
  • 21. COOL NEW STUFF! do you feel your street has become ple will be affected by the urban too compact, your neighborhood renewal of the light for life project. too full and you don’t see the sun concerns have been raised by enough? do not despair. the city’s home-owner groups about possible planners have not abandoned you. evictions related to the project. a new solution engineered to revi- ‘the demolition of residential talize the most dense districts of our space has been a serious concern metropolis has been successfully during the design process. We want- implemented in two overdeveloped ed to avoid forced evictions at all quarters. cost and i personally can assure the head of design of the light for life residents the current relocation is project jun Wu explains: ‘the easi- only temporary. We have solved this est way to understand the urban op- problem by creating a much more eration we have developed is if you efficient layout of the apartments think of it removing the core from an around the atriums and a slightly apple. With this procedure we liter- smaller surface area per dwelling. ally carve out neighborhoods from in return you can enjoy the luxury the urban tissue and return day- of a glass elevator that takes you light. at all strategic crossings vast right from the underground parking atriums will be cut from the existing through the atrium straight to your building-mass to allow a stream of apartment or even to the rooftop. sun to penetrate the inner parts of these two minutes should be a daz- our city. light will trickle down and zling experience. from the top of the be dispersed by multi-faceted glass atrium the daunting scale and bus- domes covering the shafts. finally tling activity of our city can be fully the intricate inner spaces of our appreciated. you will see crowds city will be experienced in their full of people plummet down in the el- splendor. the smooth tube-shaped evators around you and soar by walls we have created will take on escalators crisscrossing through over the role of the exterior facade. space. it is my belief that in this pre- With the buildings turned inside out, dominantly interior world we live in, it will be the job of the voids to con- some bestowal of authentic daylight vey the feel of the different areas in will be the strategic supplement we which they are nestled. inside, for need to ensure a bright future for our those in possession of the valid pass city.’ of course, easy access to the neigh- how will these tubes be carved borhood is granted, and a system out and where will the debris go? an of closed-circuit cameras ensures inside perspective on the technical safety.’ challenges of the light for life project the homes of nearly 3 million peo- continues in our next issue. 40 bURB bURB 41
  • 22. IN THE HOME ‘Hi! I’m Apple. I moved into the my-home-my-net- work development last Spring when my vil- lage got swallowed. At first I thought, “Oh no! Re- form housing — NO WAy!!”, but I couldn’t have missed the mark by more! Here you can really feel the aura of continuous improvement our City is achieving — and on APPLE IS ANOTHER HAPPy NEWCOMER every level of scale! My apartment may be small, but TO THE CUNNINg CITy! links directly with the grocery store, the mall, the cin- ema … Just about everywhere I ever want to go feels like a part of my bedroom! I’m re- ally living in the network!’ mY home - mY netWorK 42 bURB bURB 43
  • 23. TALK OF THE TOWN! Romance maRRIaGe 4 a mOmenT v.d.u. prometheus meets lolita in heels at the … okay so you’re a total screenie, but you’re always stuck in front of the Wrong screen. you’re al- ways either pushing data or stuff- ing files or bent over stats about other people. they’re out there spending money and having a good time, while you’re pinned in an office like an OX under a yoke, or a bear in a trap, or may- be like the thing you resemble most, which is a shrimp in front of a computer screen!!!!! and every week your boss comes in and piles on more pressure and tightens deadlines, which means you Work later and eat more. What’s left of your day in terms of time for yourself is a smoke beneath a glass skyscraper as you shuffle back to catch the D- rail home. and maybe, you think to yourself, maybe, i’ll catch a few zzzs on the train, somewhere in between spongemall and the omnicom monument. you’ll need them, coz you’re not going to bed — oh no — you’re not even going home … okay so you’re young, you’re cute, you’re out of school but sometimes you still wear the uni- form just coz it makes you feel dirty. you don’t Work coz it’s boring and you don’t Work out coz you’re still skinny as a kid and twice as bad. and any- way you don’t eat anything you just drink clear cocktails and suck the sugar off of the rim of the glass. okay, so sometimes you eat something — like a re- fried pancake with soy sauce and honey and a pair of pig’s 44 bURB bURB 4
  • 24. GIRLS: CONT. FROM PAgE 44 ears on top — yuh-hu-humm!!!! on the personalized turkish soap or maybe, you think to yourself, operas they’re churning out about maybe, some rich guy is gonna you — about your romance in the take me out tonight to some fan- CALDERA with a fictional HOTELIER. It cy restaurant and buy me a follows you everyWhere. it’s playing bear paW, coz i’m that sexy … on the mirror in the hairdresser’s, and on the advertiscreens in the okay, so you’re not even gonna shops you go in. it comes with you get any sleep on the d-rail, coz as you ride the d-rail and wander the screen is in there too, and in the park, passing from screen you can’t not check the stock, to screen to screen as you walk. and what about that vmail you you collect obsessively to have were waiting on? and while you’re the same things as her — as you. here you might as well take a look you haven’t seen your oWn face at what there’re playing on u-tv for months; only the dim reflec- (damn cindy is looking hot! hot! tion of it behind the image you are hot! these days). you know you watching. you’ve been taken over. can’t just be doing one thing at you’ve become an expression of one time — it has to be multiple datastreams. in this city, you have things all the time. if every cell in nothing you have to do and yet your body isn’t feeling squeezed your life is so precious. you’re then you’re not maximizing, and floating. you’re like a fragrant if you’re not doing that …. so you dream. the only thing that remem- figure, OKOKOKOK, I’ll let ONE bers where you’ve been is the trail side of my brain go to sleep while of commerce — the omnicom i keep up with the screen with slips which somebody else is pick- the other. then after 2 minutes i’ll ing up … sWap over and rest the other side for 2 minutes and work with the … okay so the 2 of you find each and then i’ll sWap back … and so other because you are both lost. on like that until i get home maybe you are stray particles in the city, 3% refreshed! the truth is you’re but there is an urban gravity one of those guys who’s always which sucks you together. it hap- half slumped and half frenetic pens in the skyWalks or somewhere — scrabbling for something in along the continuous commer- the middle of a half empty car, cial corridor. maybe in the ice- with a bit of old magazine blow- cream parlor, where screen- ing about your shoe. and that’s facades have turned the building when you feel it: that stress to inside-out. you see each other, confess — maybe it’s someone and the confluence of unmet de- you’re looking for — somebody sires turns into moment in space, — only you don’t know Where to and an act of consumption. the go. you’re always in the right environment has mediated lack place but at the Wrong time, or by supplying touch. one of you in the Wrong place at the … needs the kiss of air and free- dom. the other needs a presence okay, so you’re sexy, but you in the real World. it is an oppor- know you’re a total screenie too. tunity to buy things together, and you go to the restaurant, but maybe rent a room. it is a mar- only if they’ve got u-tv on the riage 4 a moment — a fleeting tabletop. you go to the sponge- thing, as total as it is ephemeral. mall, but you spend the whole for an hour, or even perhaps a lit- day driving softpods through tle less, neither of you are looking at postreality, or sunbathing under screens, or even conscious of them. a 3.8 yottapixel sun. you up- you can go back noW. back to loaded your V-LIFE profile into U- Work — to play. game over. in- World, and now you’re hooked sert coin. 4 bURB bURB 4
  • 25. TALK OF THE TOWN! DD PO ! T ATION Fat Cat tramPled HA ES WU in Cash-CraZed stamPede! Q ‘i just don’t know why it had to happen to cindy,’ sobs lu qian. We are stand- ing in the cbd, right in the very spot where less than a week ago lu qian’s pre- cious pet met her fate. it was in this foreboding beijing canyon, between sheet walls c.c.ers have been wondering for of reflective glass, that Cindy — a ginger tabby weighing in at a massive 15lbs — was months what the deal can trampled to death. be with the crop of odd ‘i’d been telling her she had to lose some of that catty fat, and we really had to get out pods turning up on more,’ qian tells me. ‘now i only wish we’d stayed at home.’ the tops of our sky- Since its official inception back in 2016, arguments around “equality day” have been rag- scrapers. a burb ing. there are those who say it’s an admirable form of charity, and why shouldn’t the givers exclusive reveals have a little fun? others insist that “fat cat” executives tossing great wads of rmb from the ex- that these these clusive heights of their skyscrapers is just another sick expression of the wealth gap. are being used it all started with two ceos bragging in a skywalk about how their bonuses had gotten so big as luxury look- they could throw half out the window and not even notice. after a dash of daring, and with out posts by FULL PICTURE PAgE 36 a lick of that competitive spirit, the pair were stuffing all the dosh they could find through an ex-celebs, who air vent to the outside world. What neither of them had expected was how elated this would sit watching the swell to hell,’ sin ment, but sources have led us to make them feel. Word got out among the board rooms, and pretty soon top floors millions that once remarks. ‘they’ll believe that her pod is sitauted atop across the cbd were crammed with businessmen with serious cash. gazed up at them. hang out at tourist the omnigroup tower in downtown The notes were fluttering down. Reactions in the streets below hot spots just to get c.c. were wild. into other people’s the pods themselves are relative- CREEPY regulations ensued, with the product we all know today holiday snaps. some ly cheap and flexible, and, with the as “equality day” — an annual moment of madness in the will even expose themselves right connections, you can set one city, when rich executives throw money out the window, fame, money, and glamour cer- to cctv cameras in the hope that up just about anywhere. it seems and flash crowds follow the wind to push and grab tainly do bring happiness, but can there’s a security guard somewhere that spears, along with a host of oth- at whatever they can get. the terrible tragedy for also be a dangerously addictive watching.’ ers, is cashing in old favors in ex- HAVE lu qian and her cat cindy is that when the wind mix. once hooked, stars let their change for a top spot to drop a pod, YOU EXPERIENCED changed suddenly, their innocent walk cravings race out of control, and and sit and city watch. SOMETHING PUZZLED was overrun by a cash-crazed cold turkey leaves them looking no-one knows how far this trend STRANGE? TELL US stampede. creepy and acting weird. will run, nor how many more pods ABOUT IT AND MAKE A ‘i managed to ‘it’s just like any other lethal emo- but this new pod development are likely to appear in the near fu- QUICK 10,000 RMB! jump ti-drug cocktail,’ says burb celeb marks a buck in the trend. former ture. but hu sin is certain of one Send us your real life story – if expert hu sin. ‘you see the same attention seekers seem to be turn- thing: ‘as the cunning city raises up we print it, we’ll send you up patterns with people who load up ing a telescope of their own back and spits out celebs faster and faster to 10,000 RMB! Don’t forget the on sexcess, compulsive partying, or on the world, and this has sent both year on year, the pool of potential gory details, and any pictures massive noshnanza food binges. it’s experts and relatives spinning. city watchers out there is going to you might have snapped! all “hello handsome” while you can ‘i don’t know what she does up keep on growing. the kinds of favors Contact us through www. bURB.tv wit h your keep up supply, and “so long san- there all day,’ says lynn spears, you’ll need to have in hand for a re- name, age, address ity” as soon as it starts to dry up.’ mother of former teen idol britney. ally good pod location are going to and mobile ‘some of these celebs have be- ‘she used to be so outgoing. now get bigger, and more extreme. What number! come so dependent on media at- she tells me she’s surveying the city sorts of things? Well that’s a matter tention that when they feel the lime- — well what does that mean?’ brit- for the starlets, and the guys with re- light fading, their whole lives go from ney spears, 38, declined to com- ally big towers.’ 48 bURB bURB 49
  • 26. CONT. FROM PAgE 48 back and squeeze behind here,’ qian explains, as she shows me a marble pillar at the foot of the jing hu bank tower. ‘but cindy wasn’t so fast — how could she be?’ at over twice her recommended weight, and living off a diet of king prawns and kfc, it’s hardly surprising cindy didn’t make it. but who could have anticipated the bitter irony: that the generosity of her fat cat compatriots up in the office towers would have brought about her untimely death? ‘those people were scary,’ qian tells me, as she describes the crowd she watched rush past that day. ‘i saw hunger in their eyes.’ 0 bURB bURB 1
  • 27. TALK OF THE TOWN! GHOST IN THE SPONGE pneumatic skin ever since our story last month about What’s more, because the mall is a how clairvoyant minnie see felt a co-op, owned collectively by repre- presence in the new spongemall, sentatives from the hundreds our inbox has been literally bursting of different stores with your responses. thousands of within, there’s BURB readers have visited the mall no sense you with their spook-sensors pricked up, are intruding and come back to us with sightings on a corporate and strange tales. Who the ghost is sphere. ‘this is or quite what they want is yet to be- very important,’ come clear, but one thing’s for cer- minnie tells us, tain: it loves retail! ‘because ghosts ‘the spongemall’s a great place don’t like places to hang out,’ explains minnie, ‘and where they feel so we shouldn’t be so surprised if they have no someone from the spirit world thinks right to be.’ so too.’ but whether it’s the thou- a number of sands of great bargains, the fantas- readers have tic range of food, or the just the lively felt the soft tran- atmosphere that draws the ghost sitions of the cinema-escalator there is anyone’s guess. spongemall may have something to do with it. ‘it’s SPOOKY funny, you know,’ laughs Wang ‘spirits have divested themselves mi, 19, a stu- of their earthly shell, and so they ac- dent who likes to tually can’t eat normal food. i don’t spend lunchtimes in think this presence has anything to the spongemall. ‘When you do with yumsy noodletopia,’ minnie go there you don’t really feel like insists. ‘it’s about something deeper, you’re going into anything, and then which perhaps we can’t even per- before you know it you’re in the mid- ceive.’ dle. one time — i was wearing this but we spoke to lin kao, 44, of cute little tartan skirt — i was deep yumsy noodletopia, who couldn’t in when i felt a wind on the backs disagree more. ‘personally i’m not of my knees. i knew immediately all that superstitious,’ says kao, ‘but the presence had come in with me, subway i know our noodles are superlicious. probably accidentally, and had only i don’t see why the ghost wouldn’t just realized it himself! then i turned make noodletopia his top spot in the round and there was this old man spongemall. after all, he’s still got a blowing bubbles at me. the whole nose — i mean ghosts can still smell, thing was incredibly exciting.’ right? smell that! mm mm mhmm!’ one thing the sponge-specter BRAZILIANS may appreciate about his favorite haunt is how easily you can glide transparent deck in and out of the space, and with all but not everyone has such a great the glass atria, it’s always full of light. experience. career girls Wen Wa, 24, 2 bURB bURB 3
  • 28. CONT. FROM PAgE 52 and fun li, 22, were traveling up haier shampoo.’ Well i wasn’t going double level to the wax clinic on level 4 to get to mess around with a poltergeist or brazilians when they encountered whatever this thing is, so i did what the phantom. ‘We were on the es- he said right there and then. thank calator,’ Wa starts to explain. ‘it’s god he’s left me alone ever since. a double helix so you spin round that trip was scary.’ as you go up and there’s always plenty to look at. but then some- MACABRE where around two and a half there was this awful eggy-cabbagey smell.’ li goes on: ‘We were stuck of course, the man who has seen behind these two businessmen so the most macabre mall moments of we couldn’t start walking to get up all is zhi yu, the chief security guard. out of it any quicker. the men were ‘i don’t think there’s a single part of both really fat, and i think they’d this mall that that ghost hasn’t been,’ public square just been drinking at some busi- yu informs us. ‘and i’ve been watch- ness lunch or other. they seemed ing. he’s on all the levels, in the light a bit wobbly. We just had to stand as it comes through the spongy there and watch their backs, and panels, and he skulks around the wait for the smell to go away.’ hotel Without operator — peeping ‘it was a bit gross at the time, but through keyholes i’ll bet!’ the retail i’m glad at least to have met the program of the spongemall is in- ghost,’ Wa reflects. terspersed with hotel floors, offering the mischief doesn’t stop there. people rooms for as short or long a people have not only felt and period as they like (you just swipe smelt the wraith, but some have a smartcard at the door). It’s filled heard it too. sun hong, 32, was sit- with tourists, exhausted shoppers, ting minding his own business on schoolgirls doing a spot of home- the public square on top of the work between class and volleyball spongemall when he had a ff-ff- practice, sneaky couples stealing a fvairy strange encounter. moment, and people just taking a art gallery conference center break. but there’s creepy company in there too these days it seems. a HUGE! escalator atrium window shopping number of guests have described incidents of mysteriously losing ‘i was just sitting on a bench,’ small items, hearing ‘sounds’, see- hong says. ‘it was all pretty nor- ing ‘things’, and experiencing odd mal. there were some oldsters or even ‘out of this world’ sensations playing mah-jong, and a few while staying there. kids rollerskating. perched on a ‘there was even a crazy incident under deck wall were these two girls with big in the cinema-elevator, on the other knockers 4 and i mean huge! — side of the building,’ zhi yu shares with — andHaier, a were wearing these they us. ‘this guy spent almost a whole day Great successful mainland haier + haier t-shirts. you know just riding up and down, watching a brand, lends pieces of its own logo western brands entering the sian Market. the logo? so they had that, with trailer for the new shell & motorola Its logo is portioned t to brands needing the hair, ice eam or underwear. two little mop-tops right over the Opening up movie. it was like he was a man pos- e way for Global brands to align themselves withnipples. i was just staring at their an sessed.’ the movie is about a group already iconic them. and then there was this like of polar bears, who use cell phones image. Great deep voice in my head saying, to call each other and say goodbye helix of escalators internal passages 4 ‘go downstairs and buy a bottle of before their ice floes melt. Haier, a Great successful mainland and, lends pieces of its own logo estern brands entering the Market. Its logo is portioned o brands needing the hair, ice or underwear. Opening up ay for Global brands to gn themselves with an already iconic ADVERTISEMENT image. Great 4 bURB bURB 
  • 29. of r! n io ecte ess l sp pr al m s i gem st’ n rti Spo A e th  bURB bURB 
  • 30. route 1 spotted route 2 presence felt route 3 peeping tom 8 bURB bURB 9
  • 31. PERSONAL FOCUS CONT. FROM PAgE 24 UNIDENTIfIED YOUTH the bidding by tripling madrid’s offer. ‘our goal is to become the best club in the world,’ sun said at rudolfo’s introduction ceremony. In the north-eastern waterway ted a ritualized group sui- ‘This is simply the first step.’ of the Tai Yang gong district cide were high-ranking fol- last season, shanghai proved of our City the body of a young lowers of the Urban Demons. the strength of the chinese football woman has been found. The body This religious sect was be- league by advancing to the finals of emerged early Saturday morn- lieved to have been disman- the fifa club World championship, ing, floating downstream from tled after the arrest of thrashing european stalwarts the sewage system towards the their leader Eric E. (better bayern munich and chelsea along Haidian student compounds. known as “The Architect”). the way. With shanghai’s signing The woman, estimated to be 23 The steadily decreasing speed of rudolfo, as well as recent high years old and of korean de- of the expansion of our City profile acquisitions such as mark scent, is assumed to have com- is speculated to be a cause van broken by hyundai beijing and mitted suicide. Autopsy on for so-called Urban Demons omario hernandez by shenzen the body has revealed a high to take up their practices. jianlibao, some experts are concentration of the drug DBD followers of “The Architect” predicting this to be the beginning (a hallucinogenic found in believe the continuous suc- of an era of chinese football mind-mints). The drug howev- cess, particularly urban ex- dominance. er is not likely to be the pansion, of our City is the ‘it’s true that chinese clubs may primary cause of the woman’s result of their periodic not have the tradition of great death. Casualties of the ge- sacrifice of young women. european clubs like juventus or netically engineered drug are Police have declined to olympique de marseille,’ said highly uncommon. This shrouds comment, but the theory is cctv football commentator xie the death of the woman, who substantiated by a tattoo donghug. ‘but at the moment, the remains unidentified, in mys- found on the body. The image chinese clubs have the wealth and tery. found facing upward in on the left ankle depicts the willingness to pay the top salaries. a pristine white dress, of- letters J and E intertwined, in this sport that’s what will make ficials described the scene as surrounded by a red heart. the difference.’ ’bizarre’. The CC metropolitan police Questions have been raised have issued a statement urg- about a possible link to the ing anyone with information Spring Suicides of 2017. The regarding the identity of seven young girls who commit- the woman to come forward. CC MET POLICE CONfIRMED 0 bURB bURB 1
  • 32. H2O armament ADVERTISEMENT 2 bURB bURB 3 * advertisement *
  • 33. SPORTS AND LEISURE High Art for the Faint at Heart from our city it displays. the main and tourists alike. on a travela- able urban experience. a strong volume seems carefully draped like tor one glides through the smooth tingling sense of a long lost urban a giant handkerchief or glove, hov- glass tube that will take you from reality took hold of this reporter ering amidst the patchwork of our our city’s cultural center right down entering the last stretch of the ride. art is on the rise. this weekend the than a large modern museum; most fers its audience a provocative, effi- infrastructural masterpieces, hous- to its historic ruins. surrounded and it invigorates the art on display mayor of the cunning city will take prominently it features the greatest cient and intensely dynamic experi- ing estates and brain parks. protected by a safe and controlled with a layer of social sensibility not center stage at the grand opening cultural achievement of this century: ence of mega-art with our city as its the innovative architecture of the environment the tour incorporates seen since art was still made by ceremony of the largest museum to the cunning city. this makes for an natural urban backdrop. 3 kilometer long tubular structure disregarded districts and will bring artists. Moreover it confirms even date: the modern art center for bril- unprecedented urban experience. it is a fact tourists have always waves through the most diverse you face-to-face with the generally the darkest corners of our city liant urban experiences or macbux. as a result of the impressive scale been drawn to the most precious, areas our city has to offer. the di- forgotten population of substance can and should be perceived as the opening will take the mayor of contemporary art-installations and white and minimalist environments lapidated and chaotic areas, such abusers and prostitutes in the de- breathtakingly beautiful. and her entourage on an audio tour sculptures (on average works have in town: museums. here their long as the upcoming chinatowns, can serted back streets and alleys. this Open Tuesday to Sunday. Tickets available at all across 9 different urban districts at a quadrupled in size over the last two journey is rewarded with the global be observed up close by citizens makes the macbux a truly remark- D-rail entry points or online at www.macbux.gov.cn comfortable 12 miles an hour. along decades) art more and more oper- culture of internationally renowned the entire two hour ride the museum ates solely at the level of our city. artists contained by a structure of in- will feature a rich mix of contempo- the increasingly dense networks of ternationally renowned architecture. rary art producers from all corners our city have been effectively spun the radically abstract shape of the of the globe. but macbux is more together by a single building that of- macbux perfectly distances itself 4 bURB bURB 
  • 34. PERSONAL FOCUS urBan GroW th “I simply couldn’t believe what had happened. I thought my life was about to come full circle and my dreams would at last come true. But instead this was turning into the worst day of my life …” yin jun — better know as the King of Feet — is turning the gray spaghetti roads around the cunning city into fields of hope. his story, one of remarkable dedication and love for both his city and his family, started at a very early age. READ ON OvERLEAF FOR FULL STORy!  bURB bURB 
  • 35. DESIRE grew up in the village. to me still there was something holding by the time he was  he had read he loved to watch for spring blossom with desire. one evening i stood the cunning city was always me back. it was like a voice in my more books than me, and spoke on the apple trees, and divine for on the veranda of our little house the jewel on the horizon — a boyhood head. like a wise man. ‘do not spend days underground water sources. he gazing at the cunning city, growing shimmering world of riches and as i grew older, the voice became on just eating.’ he would say to me, could be perfectly content with his but i didn’t have hui’s pure soul. i felt brighter in the distance as night fell. brilliance, but with a cold center. real. it was my little brother talking to quoting the ancients. books, a well, and a little land for the allure of the city even on my skin. ‘What should i do,’ i asked hui. there i was always drawn to the city, but me. hui was  years my junior, but but hui was also a very natural boy. rice and bee-keeping. at the age of 14 i was almost mad were tears in my eyes. ‘how can a 8 bURB bURB 9
  • 36. CONT. FROM PAgE 69 sparrow know the will of a swan?’ he them are fake. no mausoleum, no practically never rot. in fact they answered. problem! i said. i’m a real c.c.er shine like tires! finding clients was the next day hui fell ill. he was now — i move on, and i make things easy, and soon i was selling apples shivering, and had a very high fever. happen. all over town. anything he ate or drank just ran the day i spent wandering around right through him. three days later forlornly looking for hui’s grave, i APPLETASTIC! BUT IT he was dead. i knew that somehow met a lot of new people. they all DOESN’T STOP THERE … the cunning city had sucked up his live out there, in between the roads. life to draw me in. We buried hui in When you get big infrastructure, you the garden beneath the apple tree, also get a lot of offcuts and space there’s been a lot of talk about and that night i set out. beneath flyovers. Families put up urban farms, but this was the first time as i walked i made a promise: makeshift homes in the gaps and anyone had really made it work. the ‘hui, i’ll never forget you. i’m going to run little workshops — you wouldn’t secret was to fragment the farm into make it big in the cunning city, and believe how busy those places lots of little pieces, and plant it out then once i’m rich i’ll come back can be! and they’re not just sewing among the urban wastelands. apple here and plant a whole orchard of buttons. they’re doing some hi-tech trees are quite big and so you need apple trees. and in the middle of the stuff too, like making the tiny solar a decent offcut, but you can keep orchard i’ll build a mausoleum, with powered boom boxes which play going down in size according to a statue of you 10m high, all plated birdsong throughout the cunning what’s available. We fit 15 strawberry in zinc and gold, with mermaids and city. plants on a scalene triangle of less dolphins and horses.’ our family was What i started to see was a big in than 0.2m2, and there are patches poor, and could only afford a very situ labor force, and a lot of under- like that everywhere! humble grave. used land. When you add up all but we’re thinking big too. i started those little bits, there are fields and to wonder if there were some way fields! I still hadn’t forgotten my of gathering together my scraps orchard idea, and i began to see and stacking them. as we always SUCCESS a possibility opening up. i was so say in the cunning city, “stack up excited i was scribbling ideas down or crack up!” i’ve got my labcoats When i arrived in the cunning on the cuff of my sleeve. working now on a high-rise farm city i got a job giving women foot The first thing I did was hire a (pictured left). We’re calling it the yin Jun’s Cow-tel is set to tell a whole new story massage in an enormous mall. i bring the wonders of plastic surgery forever. the feeder roads were all team to plant apple trees. We hung cow-tel because we’re integrating about urban growth. have always harbored a curious exclusively to feet. vast but the traffic was still bad. At daylamps which shine just the right livestock, and using the methane 60m tall and powered fascination for women’s feet, and the various points subway lines burst into color light, and so growth is really from the cows’ farts to power the entirely by cow farts, it work was something i both enjoyed the open and disrupted the roads. fast, and you can harvest every heat and electricity for the building. THE HOMECOMING might seem like a milky and was good at. clients liked the i got spun around several times, 4 months. Whatsmore, the run-off We might even have some surplus dream, but could be way i made them feel, and would and as i didn’t recognize anywhere rainwater from big roads is very power to sell back to the grid — on built as soon as 2023! ask specially for me. At the end of the fiscal year last anymore, i was soon horribly lost. tough, and so the apples we grow top of the milk! When moving walkways were march i went through my entire It took me almost all day to find introduced around the city, women estate. it’s true i wasn’t in the c.c. top where my home used to be. now suddenly found they had extra 100, but those guys are unbelievably it was nothing more than a knot of freetime when they went to do their rich. i still had ten times the money i tarmac and concrete. the cunning ADVERTISEMENT shopping. i saw an opportunity, needed for what i said i’d do, and a city had been expanding ever since and started my own foot massage lot more beyond. it was time to go i left, and swallowing up anything company, with “pit-stop” booths back home, and find Hui’s grave. in its way. giant infrastructure had offering foot services to women as the morning i left i was so excited been run right over my parents’ they got on and off the travelators. i nearly peed myself. but i managed home, and over hui’s grave too. i it was a great success. soon i had to hold it in somehow, and got into looked at the roads all jammed with booths at all of the major transport the car to start driving west. it had buses and cars. it was one of the nodes. but i didn’t stop there. been ten years. i thought my life was worst feelings in my life. i opened a line in luxury about to come full circle, and at last foot experiences for women. it i would realize my most precious A REAL C.C.ER reimagined ktv, sauna, bathing, dream. and exclusive food and drink within but traveling outwards the city an environment dedicated to the seemed to be coming with me. When your vision’s off, then you pleasures of the foot. next we areas i remembered as little migrant should change your glasses, they started to offer callipodian cosmetic villages were all built up. fields had say in business, and it’s true in life surgery. now there are tens of been taken over by vast entertain- too. it wasn’t possible to build the thousands of women with arch lifts ment complexes, and enormous mausoleum, but those kinds of and toe implants, and hundreds of residential blocks followed one places are creepy anyway, and different clinics. We were the first to after another for what seemed like nine times out of ten the corpses in 0 bURB bURB 1
  • 37. SPECIAL FEATURE freeze: h2o (humans to oceans) dream solution or counter-revolutionary nightmare? advocates call it the “noah’s ark of ideas” and “a city for an evolved humanity”. it is a city they feel will offer the depoliticized free space necessary at a time of increased global tension, apparent diminishing democracy and intensified censorship. But how free are the FREEZE vessels? and can they, amidst increasing pressure to territorialize international waters, stay afloat? Pioneer and principle spokesman Hou Xiu reveals all in our Interview with an Earthling … 2 bURB bURB 3
  • 38. interview with an earthling was born in 2012. right to melt and the water levels rise we corners of the world. The fleet has it temporarily curbed pollution levels and vegetables and farm our pro- your home, your city, your religion, after china and america remain calm and afloat. become an un-discriminatory ref- and silenced lingering wars. it was teins in cubicles of countless insects. your society are not predetermined. had gloriously captured We are a people encapsulated uge; a hideout for hackers and a moment of inspiration for many; nuclear energy propels us forever there exists a state void of local con- all but one of the olympic by freedom; living in bubbles void anarchists, a safe-haven for scien- its inventors are living anonymously forwards and incidentally protects cerns; a clear mental space that will medals. only the gold medal for ar- of politics or ambition, promises and tist and artists, for secret lovers and amidst our people. us from aggressors – it would simply allow you to flourish. A non-political chery passed them by. it was won disillusions. Our thoughts flow freely, freedom fighters alike; a borderless Within this environment para- be too destructive for any terrorist space that can absorb the lives and by my father; a monk from a small new ideas and inventions emerge nation confined to the international digm solutions for global problems state to attack and sink us. ideas of any spirited human being. island in the south of japan. and evolve unhindered. born and waters. have emerged that we are trying but let me be clear. i am speak- admittedly this will sound hard to after that any international compe- raised in a state of suspension; con- personally i have never touched to implement on the mainland. We ing to you here today not as a rep- comprehend at a time of increased tition seemed fruitless. for my father it stantly in motion; adrift, we remain the shore. i am however like any- govern ourselves through simple resentative of any kind, but as a global tension, false democracy was a clear demonstration of the two undetermined and undeterred. one here perfectly in touch with the open-source democracy; we have proud individual and a common hu- and fake freedoms. but a modern superpowers dominating the world. Cities are no longer defined by world, and the reality of the main developed the formulas for a global man being that has the luxury of liv- noah’s ark of pure thought is roam- even the success of boom countries the roads that lead there. our global land. as i understand it’s a mate- currency. We breathe the pure air ing a common life. as this message ing freely in your area. take a mo- like india, brazil and russia didn’t migration and modern technolo- rial world; money driven and power that we produce. We cultivate our reaches you, enjoy a short moment ment to envisage freedom … prevent the cultural and political gies have collapsed geographi- hungry, dangerous and lonesome. own food in hanging gardens of fruit to let your mind go blank. your life, we still have room for you. dominance of the prc and the usa. cal space, and remapped what but this might not be evident to the Hou xiu was once a hierarchy of capitals rest of the global population. unlike child of Freeze and mega-cities. all that is left is a the . billion souls left behind, we floating plane of lines, across which have unlimited access to real infor- points move in all directions, all at mation. the world’s 29,000 tv stations once … and no two points are either paint a picture of contradictions and closer together or more distant from fabrications. our satellites receive each other than from any others. uninterrupted and uncensored data The confluences and intensities of from across the globe. our hackers these lines ignore existing territories, offer unfiltered web access. With nowhere to hide the time was and indeed perform acts of deter- the network of h20-vessels is to- ripe for drastic measures. he de- ritorialization. We proclaim today it day the central super-node of the signed the first of the Xu Ni Shan; the has become inevitable to disown world wide web, a new hub dis- mother ship of a fleet of a thousand place, and instead imagine flows. rupting the stale arrangement of h20-vessels (humans to oceans) our mountains are the result of just mega-servers and mega-cities and that now roam the world’s seas. ever such an act of imagining. to be the lopsided access to information since the launch we have been ma- floating is to be neither rising from they represent. We offer a plateau of neuvering between the force fields anywhere, nor falling toward any- limitless connectivity. now informa- of these two insular, one party con- thing. Our hollow floes neither ad- tion is the true continuum of intensi- tinents. here to nor transcend anything. ties. We have reconfigured the axes i was born here; on the mother We offer no ideology, and we have of the global topology, of capital, ship. together with my peers i am no roots. We are neither leaving, nor creative sectors, ideas, identity, in- the first generation of a new breed staying. We are decentered, and we fluence. The physical localities of “Nothing less than the most tantalizing worlds have been of floating population. We are a decenter everything around us. civ- power are forced to come to terms created by the early Modernists. Their renderings of strain of humanity evolved within a ilization up to now has focused on with our virtual space. and indeed relentlesly rational cities illustrate the ambition to maximize neutral environment. surrounded by the to and from, on destination and in the past the world has been con- the efficiency of the built environment. Space itself was the endless horizon of the sea our vi- departure, the here and there. con- fronted with this new reality, when altered. Like designers through the ages they set out to bring to life the dream at the heart of every inspired architect: to sion is unobstructed. protected by stantly in motion we live in the now; the makers of the infamous v-virus create completely floating buildings on the scale of the city, the impenetrable walls of the glass in the middle where things cross and brought the global economy to a simultaneously rejecting urbanism and gravity.” architecture our bodies are uncon- change. standstill in a virtual pandemic. but taminated. as the ice caps continue today our people represent all this did not only affect the economy; 4 bURB bURB 
  • 39.  bURB freeze (h2o) — humans to oceans freeze is a response to the rising need to achieve non-political space: space that can absorb the lives and ideas of an evolved humanity. freeze is highly utopian yet painfully necessary at a time of increased global tension, diminished democracy and intensified censorship. It is a space void of territorial concerns — a futuristic noah’s ark of ideas, roaming as freely as the world’s sea levels are rising. 项目介绍:“冰山一瞥”是非政治空间的不断上升的产物。一个超现实化, 但又在不断上升的全球紧张局势,逐渐减少的民主制度以及增加的审查制度 中及其需求的一个空间。一个没有疆界烦扰的空间。随着世界海水的上升, 一个自由漂浮的诺亚方舟的理念。 bURB 
  • 40. 8 bURB bURB 9
  • 41. TOWERING CHINA domino installation, 5.2m x 3.7m DCF / Neville Mars 19 burb_forUC09.indd 80 22/2/09 13:41:23