Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

The Muslim Family in North America A closer look at the generation gap between Parent and Child

Brief History of the Growth of Islam in the U.S.A. HIS-story

History
355% Growth in the last half century
Internal Factors
Revert of Malcom X
Strong stand by Mohammad Ali

History
External Factors
Massive migration from around the world.
For jobs, education, etc.
“ Honey (mom), I’ll be back in no time”

History
Everyone Pretty much stayed.
Started their families

History
Fear of Religion
We built many Mosques

History to Present
Fear of losing children to society
Sunday Schools
Islamic Schools
Question: Are these things solving the whole problem? “ O you who believe, save yourself and your family from the hellfire.” -Qur’an 66:6

This is a counseling workshop All of the information is based on statistical evidence, surveys, interviews, previous counseling situations, and experience. Disclaimer…

Parent Vs. Child Environmental Differences This workshop is focused more-so at the Immigrant Muslim parent and his/her children being raised in this society

Comparison o f Environment
Society of my Children
Open interaction of genders
Co-ed Schools, etc.
Open Secular environment
Societal norms conflict with Islam
“ I don’t do it unless I understand, why? ”
Society of my Parents
Closed interaction of genders
Public separation
Closed secular environment
Societal norms less conflicting with Islam
“ You do it because I SAID SO!”

Solution
Open to understanding the environments
Realize the reality, before the reality makes you realize.
Communication
Two way street
Flexibility
Bend but don’t break

Understanding the Muslim Youth in North America Problems…Problems…Problems…

Issues
Drugs
Alcohol
Pre-marital relations
Dating
“Home Runs”
AIDS; STD’s
Completely denouncing Islam

Identity Crisis
Since Muslims are new to this land, the youth have no model identity to look at.
What Category do I fall in?
Who do I belong to?
How should I dress?
How should I talk? What language?
Note: The identity crisis is also very prevalent in the adult Muslim community

Changing Identity
Why do youth change their Identity?
Innate feeling/desire to be accepted
Societies influence on its “norms” not being in line with the norms of Islam
Lack of acceptance anywhere else
Inferiority Complexes
Peer Pressure

Inferiority Complexes
Low Imaan
Lack of Understanding
Little or no Knowledge
Weak Personality
No sense/feeling of “belonging”

Peer Pressure
Weak Personality---BUT THAT’S OK
Unable to convey true feelings
Fear of rejection
Lack of options (no other friends)
“ You end up being a product of their entertainment”

Effects of Losing Identity
Unhappiness
Blindness
Loss of Focus in Life
Fights
Friends
Family

The answer to “Why?”
There are many factors contributing to the overwhelming dilemma facing the Muslim youth...
- Lack of Islamic understanding by both parents and children
- Lack of Islamic environment
- Little or no Islamic peer groups
- Generation Gap
- Little or no communication between parent and child
- Parents who fail to convey their knowledge of Islam to their children

Do’s and Don’ts Helpful hints for parents raising children in North America

Do’s
Educate children about the completeness of Islam and its higher purpose. Help your child understand that Islam is not just rules and regulations. Be a living example for your child.
Become your child’s best friend. Communication is the most valuable tool you will have in understanding your child and helping them understand you. With no communication there will be no understanding. With no understanding there will be no achievement.

Do’s
Involve yourself and your family with the Islamic community at local and national levels. From social groups to workplace environments, the Islamic atmosphere plays a major role and is highly important for a person’s well development.
Although we can not force our children to choose peers of our own likings, we should instill the importance of Islamic brotherhood/sisterhood and encourage our children to make friends with those that share the same Islamic views and wish to achieve the same goals.

Do’s
5. With the understanding that our children are growing up in a much different day and age than we did, we must be open to their likes and dislikes. No matter how difficult it is for us, we must understand that there might be certain things in our child’s tastes and behaviors that are against our culture but not against Islam.
6. Patience, love, and affection are the three characteristics that you as a parent must have with your child. Be affectionate with your child, give them love and respect, and always be patient with them. If you give them these three things, they will, in return, give you the same.

Don’ts
Do not confuse your children by incorporating cultural views with Islamic teachings. What is cultural might not be Islamic.
Do not make your children’s decisions for them. Give them enough Islamic understanding so that you can trust their judgement.
Do not be distant with your child. Develop an atmosphere with your child that will allow him/her to feel comfortable to come to you about any problem they might be facing.

Don’ts
4. Do not condemn your child’s ability to involve himself or herself in Islamic activities. Allow them to socialize themselves with any and all Islamic activities regardless of what stereotypes or conflicting interests you might have.
5. Encourage your child to excel in academic studies. However, do not over burden them and make them lose focus of Islam. Always inspire them to educate themselves farther into Islam.

Don’ts
Do not condemn early marriage. If your child is mature enough and is mentally prepared then encourage them and help them find a suitable mate. Do not postpone your child’s wedding due to financial reasons. Allah is the ultimate provider, not you.
7. Never condemn your child’s thoughts and feelings. Let them express themselves to you. If you disagree, then explain why. “Just because I said so” is not an answer.

Don’ts
8. Don’t be pessimistic with your child’s dreams, desires, emotions, appearance, and feelings. When they do something good, let them know you are pleased. As parents, we tend to forget the good things and we always remember the bad things.

Who do we blame?
Who do you blame, the wolf for attacking the sheep? Or the sheaperd who went to sleep?

Young Muslims is a division of the Islamic Circle of North America

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Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

by Mohammad Yunus

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Muslim parents and children’s generation gap and how to deal with it. Presentation Transcript