Relationships_cihuy
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Relationships_cihuy Relationships_cihuy Presentation Transcript

    • QUIZ GRADES
    • COMMUNICATION
    • A – 38
    • B – 4
    • C – 3 AVG. = 9.033!!!!!
    • D – 0
    • F – 1
    • N/S – 2
  • LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS
    • “ Love means: I want you to be you.”
    • St. Augustine
    • “ I want the loved person to grow & unfold for his own sake, & in his own ways, & not for the purpose of serving me.”
    • Erich Fromm
    • I found my lover on his bed, and my heart was sweet to excess,
    • I shall never be far away (from) you while my hand is in your hand,
    • and I shall stroll with you in every favorite place.
    • How pleasant is this hour, may it extend for me to eternity:
    • since I have lain with you, you have lifted high my heart.
    • In mourning or in rejoicing be not far from me.
    • Poem from the late Egyptian empire
    • Quoted in Bergman, 1987, p. 5
    • Friendship vs. Romantic Love
    • Are love & friendship somehow related? (Keith Davis, 1985)
      • Essential characteristics of friendship
        • Enjoyment
        • Acceptance of one another
        • A mutual trust
        • A respect for each other
        • Mutual assistance
        • Confiding
        • An understanding
        • Spontaneity
      • Things unique to spouses & lovers
        • Fascination
        • Exclusiveness
        • Sexual desire
        • Giving the utmost
    • “Love” vs. “In Love”
    • Romantic relationships are more rewarding, but more volatile & frustrating
    • How do I know if this is really love?
      • How DO you know?
      • Romantic love almost always involves physical responses when you’re close to that person or thinking about him/her
        • DOESN’T USUALLY LAST!!!!
        • Infatuation
      • Where do we get our ideal notion of love?
    • Companionate Love
      • “the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined”
        • Togetherness
        • Trust
        • Sharing
        • Affection
        • A concern for the welfare of the other
        • More than passion
      • This is a realistic love
      • Examples – parent/child, long-term adult relationship
    • Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep burning, unquenchable…
    • Henry Ward Beecher
    • What researchers say about “love” and being “in love”
      • “ love” = companionate love
      • “ in love” = passionate
    • Prerequisites for love
      • Self-acceptance
        • Must love yourself first
        • Healthy self-esteem
        • Hazan & Shaver (1987) Attachment Theory
          • Avoidant Lovers
          • Anxious-Ambivalent Lovers
          • Secure Lovers
      • Self-disclosure
        • MUST RISK VULNERABILITY
        • This is the difference between love & infatuation
        • Must overcome your fear of being judged or that the other person will leave you
    • Jealousy
      • Why do we get jealous?
        • Emotional reaction to relationship being threatened
        • Loss of face, self-esteem, or feeling special
      • Involves anger, humiliation, anxiety, & depression
      • WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED YOU SHOULD DO WHEN YOU FEEL THIS WAY??????
      • COMMUNICATE!!!!!!!
      • Who gets jealous?
        • Low self-esteem
        • Unhappy with their lives
        • Place high value on things like popularity, wealth, fame, & physical attractiveness
      • Gender differences
        • Men get jealous about sexual infidelity
        • Women get jealous about emotional infidelity
        • Women show jealousy when they feel inadequate & try to make themselves look more attractive
        • Men show jealousy, then feel inadequate, then seek outside relationships
    • Sex without Love
      • Women usually don’t enjoy sex unless it’s in a loving relationship
      • Men more often can enjoy sex without emotional involvement
      • Sex & love are NOT synonymous!
    • Love without Sex
      • Physical contact is important to us; need to be held
      • Laumann et al. (1994) – many couples still prefer to reserve sex for marriage, allowing intimacy to grow
    • Unconditional love
      • Feeling do NOT depend on expectations being met by some outside source
      • Conditional love = stay as long as needs being met
      • Romantic love tends to be conditional
      • Unconditional love is closest to companionate love
    • Maintaining a Relationship
      • Factors involved in the beginning
        • Physical attractiveness
        • Proximity
        • Similarity
      • What happens when things change???
      • Other factors involved in choosing a partner
        • Personality
        • Financial resources
        • Mutual attraction & love
    • The Decline of Passion
      • Becomes “habit”
      • Repeated exposure leads to it becoming less positive over time
      • Usually become disappointed (not the happily ever after you expected)
      • Sex usually becomes ritual and boring
    • Growing Together/Growing Apart
      • Need to keep things exciting
      • Is your partner your best friend?
      • Need to find new common interests over time
      • Don’t have to do EVERYTHING together!
    • Becoming More Intimate
      • Accept themselves as they are
      • Recognize his/her partner for what he/she is
      • Feel comfortable to express himself/herself
      • Deal with your partner’s reactions
    • Love is an active power in man; a power which breaks through the walls which separate man from his fellow men … In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one yet remain two
    • Erich Fromm, 1956
    • Bergmann, M. S. (1987). The anatomy of living . New York: Fawcett Columbine.