References taken for helpguide.org & national center for victims of crime
Ref. Taken from www.helpguide.org Domestic Violence and Abuse & national center for victims of crime
References taken from helpguide.org & national center for victims of crime
*This is not a comprehensive listing nor does it represent inclusion of endorsement of services
For a more comprehensive guideline visit the national center for victims of crime or helpquide.org
Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse
Do: Don’t: Ask if something is Wait for him/her to wrong come to you Express concern Judge or blame Listen and Validate Pressure him/her Offer Help Place conditions on your support
Get educated and learn the warning signs, talk to a professional Talk to the person in private and let him/her know that you are concerned. Point out some of the things that you observed that make you worried. Tell the person that you are there, whenever he/she are ready to share. Reassure them that whatever is said between the two of you remains confidential and that you will help in any way. Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out. They’ve often been isolated from family and friends. By knowing the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.
Does your partner: Do you: Humiliate or yell at you Feel afraid of you partner much of Criticize you or put you down the time Avoid certain topics out of fear of Treat you so badly that you’re angering your partner embarrassed for you’re friends and family to see Feel that you can’t do anything right Wonder if your the one who is crazy Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments Believe that you deserved it See you as property or a sex object Feel emotionally numb or helpless Have a bad and unpredictable temper Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from your partner Hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you Have frequent injuries, bruises Threaten to take your children away or Frequently miss work , school, or harm them social occasions Threaten to commit suicide if you leave Dress in clothing designed to hide Destroy your belongings bruises or scars Force you to have sex Have low self-esteem even though Control where you go or what you do you used to be confident Feel depressed anxious, or suicidal Keep you from seeing family and friends Limit your access to money, the car, etc. Constantly check up on you
Getting out of an abusive or violent relationship isn’t easy. Maybe you’re still hoping that things will change. Maybe you’re afraid of what your partner will do if he discovers you’re trying to leave. Whatever your reasons, you probably feel trapped and helpless. But even though leaving an abusive relationship can be frightening, the risks of staying are too great. You deserve to live free of fear. Your children deserve to live free of fear. You can make that happen by taking steps to protect yourself and reaching out for help. Don’t Wait!
It is Still Abuse if: The Incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on tv, or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a better or worse form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured at any time. The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicated that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he/she will continue to physically assault you. The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself, to go where you want or see who you want or to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person in exchange for not being assaulted. There has not been any physical violence. Many victims are emotionally and verbally abused. Their abusive partners often control them financially and or sexually, threatening to kidnap or physically harm victim’s children.
Violent and abusive behavior is the abuser’s choice. Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his or her behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you. Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate their victims such as dominance, humiliation, isolation, threats, intimidation, denial and blame. Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love. Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse. They control themselves until no one else is around to see their abusive behavior. They may act like everything is fine out in public, but lash out instantly as soon as you’re alone. Abusers are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them. Most abusers are not out of control. In fact, they’re able to immediately stop their abusive behavior when it’s to their advantage to do so ( for example, when the police show up or their boss calls.) Violent abusers usually direct their blows where they won’t show. Rather than acting out in a mindless rage, many physically violent abusers carefully aim their kicks and punches where the bruises and marks won’t show. Abusers usually lash out with aggressive, belittling behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you who is boss. After abusing you, your abuser usually shows guilt, but not over what they have done. They are more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences. Abusers usually rationalize what they have done. The abuser may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the abusive behavior. Anything to avoid taking responsibility. Abusers do everything they can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time. Abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. Abuser spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he’ll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy into reality. Abusers will set you up and put his plan into action, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you. Abusers apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. The abuser makes you believe that you are the only person who can help him/her, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.
More than one million children in Canada have witnessed violence in the home. Children are often caught in the crossfire of violence between their parents and are physically hurt themselves.The impact on children living in an abusive environment is devastating: Children who witness abuse exhibit the same symptoms as children who are direct victims. Children who have grown up as witnesses or victims of abuse are 10 times more likely to live in a violent relationship when they are adults. Social, emotional and psychological consequences; low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, feelings of guilt for their parent’s suffering. Behavioral difficulties and conflict with other children. Poor academic performance and difficulty concentrating. They develop attitudes and learn behaviors which they may carry to adulthood.
EMERGENCY CONTACT # EMERGENCY SHELTERS # Police & Ambulance 911 A Safe Place 780-464-7233 Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800- Lurana Shelter 780-424-5875 363-9010 WIN House 780-479-0058 Morinville RCMP 780-939-4520 LaSalle Shelter 780-442-0087 Sturgeon County Victim Services Wings of Providence 780-426-4985 780-939-4590 Sage (Seniors) 780-702-1520 Emergency Social Services 780-427- Youth Emergency Shelter 780-462- 3390 7070 Child Welfare Intake 780-422-2001 Alberta Council of Women’s Kids Help Line 1-800-668-6868 Shelters 780-424-5875
SAFETY GUIDELINESOne of the most important things you can do when deciding to leave is to talk to a victim advocate who can help you fully consider safety issues, understand your legal rights, and identify community resources (e.g. Shelters, sources of financial assistance, etc.). You can locate your local victim advocate through your local police department.You can contact the The National Domestic Violence Hotline @ 1-800-363-9010.Victim advocates within the police service or community often play important roles in safety planning and risk assessment.It is very important for you to keep you and your children as safe as possible. Get help, and learn what you need to know to get out safely:• Identify your partner’s use and level of force so that you can assess the danger before it happens.• Identify the safe areas on the house where there are no weapons and where there are always ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move to those areas.• Don’t run to where the children are as your partner may hurt them as well.• If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target. Dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and your arms around either side of your head, fingers entwined• If possible, have a phone accessible at all times and know the numbers to call for help. Don’t be afraid to call for help. Don’t be afraid to call the police.• Let trusted friends and family know. decide which neighbors to tell about the violence so they can call the police if necessary.• Teach your children how to get help. Instruct them not to get involved in the violence between you and your partner. Plan a code word to signal that they should leave the house.• Teach your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is being violent.• Practice how to get out safely. Practice with your children.• Find out where to go to safety. Keep weapons like guns and knives locked up.• Make a habit of backing your car up in the driveway and keeping your car fueled.• Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you.• Create plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day.• Call a victim advocate, shelters, or domestic hotline to keep up to date of your options.