Cooperative parenting workshop
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Cooperative parenting workshop

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Co operative parenting plays an important role in bringing up children. This presentation provides 5 strategies for co-parenting kids when in a marriage or after divorce.

Co operative parenting plays an important role in bringing up children. This presentation provides 5 strategies for co-parenting kids when in a marriage or after divorce.

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Cooperative parenting workshop Cooperative parenting workshop Presentation Transcript

  • a workshop offered bya workshop offered by Co-Parenting Specialist Chris Lewis EdS,Co-Parenting Specialist Chris Lewis EdS, LPCLPC Maria Droste Counseling CenterMaria Droste Counseling Center www.mariadroste.org
  • www.mariadroste.org
  •  MA in Counseling from The College of New Jersey  EdS in Marriage and Family Therapy from TCNJ  Over ten years experience helping parents, couples and families resolve conflict and improve communication  I’ve been there myself www.mariadroste.org
  •  Pretend you are a hostage negotiator  Stay in adult mode no matter what  Let the children be children  Keep the end goal in sight and don’t sweat the small stuff  Always “act as if” the other parent has the children’s best interest at heart www.mariadroste.org
  • Establish the tone of the communication  Use a calm voice and speak in a respectful manner no matter what is coming back at you. www.mariadroste.org
  • Be supportive and encouraging about the outcome  “I’m sure we can find a solution that will work for all of us.”  “I know you want to get this resolved too; we both agree on that so I’m confident we can come to a solution.” www.mariadroste.org
  • Reinforce any positive movement toward resolution on their part “That’s great that you are willing to do that! It really makes a difference. Thank you!” (Reality check: Are you brimming with gratitude? Maybe not, but remind yourself what this is all about: Reducing conflict and minimizing harm to the children.) www.mariadroste.org
  • Compromise whenever and wherever you can  This will not only reduce conflict, but increase the odds they will compromise down the line. www.mariadroste.org
  •  Listen actively, this helps to diffuse anger, reduce conflict  Summarize what they’ve said to ensure you understand  Affirm your understanding  Don’t interrupt  Be aware of posture, non-verbal cues www.mariadroste.org
  • Children need at least one parent who is in control in order to feel safe -- BE THAT PARENT www.mariadroste.org
  • Keep your interactions business-like  Speak in a polite and professional manner.  Have weekly phone/in person meetings for planning, concerns, etc. Hold these meetings away from the children.  Keep old marital issues OUT -- the marriage is over. You are now a co-parenting partnership only. Any other topics are off limits. www.mariadroste.org
  • Don’t reciprocate bad behavior with bad behavior  If the other parent is yelling, cursing, being verbally abusive, tell them you will be happy to continue when they have calmed down, then walk away or hang up. www.mariadroste.org
  • A little visual imagery to help motivate you to stay in adult mode: Imagine your children watching both their parents act like angry, tantruming toddlers. What would they be thinking and feeling? www.mariadroste.org
  • You do need support people in your life, but your children are NOT those people  Get support from friends, clergy, counselors, siblings.  Your job is to support your children. You can’t do that if you are leaning on them for your own support. www.mariadroste.org
  • Don’ts and Don’ts:  Don’t use your children as spies  Don’t use your children as messengers  Don’t ever bad-mouth the other parent to or in front of your children  Don’t fight in front of the children  Don’t talk about failed marital issues with kids www.mariadroste.org
  • Chris’s goal of parenting:  To bring your children safely to adulthood with the emotional, social, psychological tools they need to live successfully.  Make your own goal for parenting your children and use it as your guiding principle. www.mariadroste.org
  • Children survive different parenting styles a lot better than they survive ongoing conflict. What’s the small stuff?  Is bedtime really worth fighting over?  Is diet?, clothing?, TV time?  Is exact “equal time” more about us or about what’s best for the kids? www.mariadroste.org
  • Why do I have to do that? For the most important reason of all:  Because your children need to believe you BOTH have their best interest at heart.  Unless there is real abuse happening, they probably do love their kids to the best of their ability. www.mariadroste.org
  • Another benefit:  If you “act as if” toward the other parent, this is likely to reduce conflict on its own because he/she will respond to your more positive regard. Try it! www.mariadroste.org
  •  Pretend to be a hostage negotiator  Stay in adult mode at all times  Let your children be children  Keep the end goal of parenting in sight and don’t sweat the small stuff  “Act as if” the other parent has your children’s best interest at heart How to... www.mariadroste.org
  •  www.Co-Parenting101.com  www.ChrisLewisPsychotherapy.com  The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go Of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce, by Elizabeth Thayer, PhD  www.Find-a-Therapist.com www.mariadroste.org
  • For more information about co-parenting counseling, family therapy, or marriage counseling in Denver, Colorado, contact Maria Droste Counseling Center at 303-756-9052 or visit www.MariaDroste.org.