0
a workshop offered bya workshop offered by
Co-Parenting Specialist Chris Lewis EdS,Co-Parenting Specialist Chris Lewis EdS...
www.mariadroste.org
 MA in Counseling from The College of New Jersey
 EdS in Marriage and Family Therapy from TCNJ
 Over ten years experien...
 Pretend you are a hostage negotiator
 Stay in adult mode no matter what
 Let the children be children
 Keep the end g...
Establish the tone of the
communication
 Use a calm voice and speak in a respectful manner no
matter what is coming back ...
Be supportive and encouraging
about the outcome
 “I’m sure we can find a solution that will work for all
of us.”
 “I kno...
Reinforce any positive movement toward
resolution on their part
“That’s great that you are willing to do that! It really m...
Compromise whenever and wherever you
can
 This will not only reduce conflict, but increase the odds
they will compromise ...
 Listen actively, this helps to diffuse anger,
reduce conflict
 Summarize what they’ve said to ensure you
understand
 A...
Children need at least one parent who
is in control in order to feel safe --
BE THAT PARENT
www.mariadroste.org
Keep your interactions business-like
 Speak in a polite and professional manner.
 Have weekly phone/in person meetings f...
Don’t reciprocate bad behavior with
bad behavior
 If the other parent is yelling, cursing, being verbally
abusive, tell t...
A little visual imagery to help motivate you to stay in
adult mode:
Imagine your children watching both their parents
act ...
You do need support people in your
life, but your children are NOT those
people
 Get support from friends, clergy, counse...
Don’ts and Don’ts:
 Don’t use your children as spies
 Don’t use your children as messengers
 Don’t ever bad-mouth the o...
Chris’s goal of parenting:
 To bring your children safely to adulthood with the
emotional, social, psychological tools th...
Children survive different parenting styles a lot better than
they survive ongoing conflict. What’s the small stuff?
 Is ...
Why do I have to do that? For the most
important reason of all:
 Because your children need to believe you BOTH
have thei...
Another benefit:
 If you “act as if” toward the other parent, this is
likely to reduce conflict on its own because he/she...
 Pretend to be a hostage negotiator
 Stay in adult mode at all times
 Let your children be children
 Keep the end goal...
 www.Co-Parenting101.com
 www.ChrisLewisPsychotherapy.com
 The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting
Go Of Conflict Afte...
For more information about co-parenting
counseling, family therapy, or marriage
counseling in Denver, Colorado,
contact Ma...
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Cooperative parenting workshop

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Co operative parenting plays an important role in bringing up children. This presentation provides 5 strategies for co-parenting kids when in a marriage or after divorce.

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Transcript of "Cooperative parenting workshop"

  1. 1. a workshop offered bya workshop offered by Co-Parenting Specialist Chris Lewis EdS,Co-Parenting Specialist Chris Lewis EdS, LPCLPC Maria Droste Counseling CenterMaria Droste Counseling Center www.mariadroste.org
  2. 2. www.mariadroste.org
  3. 3.  MA in Counseling from The College of New Jersey  EdS in Marriage and Family Therapy from TCNJ  Over ten years experience helping parents, couples and families resolve conflict and improve communication  I’ve been there myself www.mariadroste.org
  4. 4.  Pretend you are a hostage negotiator  Stay in adult mode no matter what  Let the children be children  Keep the end goal in sight and don’t sweat the small stuff  Always “act as if” the other parent has the children’s best interest at heart www.mariadroste.org
  5. 5. Establish the tone of the communication  Use a calm voice and speak in a respectful manner no matter what is coming back at you. www.mariadroste.org
  6. 6. Be supportive and encouraging about the outcome  “I’m sure we can find a solution that will work for all of us.”  “I know you want to get this resolved too; we both agree on that so I’m confident we can come to a solution.” www.mariadroste.org
  7. 7. Reinforce any positive movement toward resolution on their part “That’s great that you are willing to do that! It really makes a difference. Thank you!” (Reality check: Are you brimming with gratitude? Maybe not, but remind yourself what this is all about: Reducing conflict and minimizing harm to the children.) www.mariadroste.org
  8. 8. Compromise whenever and wherever you can  This will not only reduce conflict, but increase the odds they will compromise down the line. www.mariadroste.org
  9. 9.  Listen actively, this helps to diffuse anger, reduce conflict  Summarize what they’ve said to ensure you understand  Affirm your understanding  Don’t interrupt  Be aware of posture, non-verbal cues www.mariadroste.org
  10. 10. Children need at least one parent who is in control in order to feel safe -- BE THAT PARENT www.mariadroste.org
  11. 11. Keep your interactions business-like  Speak in a polite and professional manner.  Have weekly phone/in person meetings for planning, concerns, etc. Hold these meetings away from the children.  Keep old marital issues OUT -- the marriage is over. You are now a co-parenting partnership only. Any other topics are off limits. www.mariadroste.org
  12. 12. Don’t reciprocate bad behavior with bad behavior  If the other parent is yelling, cursing, being verbally abusive, tell them you will be happy to continue when they have calmed down, then walk away or hang up. www.mariadroste.org
  13. 13. A little visual imagery to help motivate you to stay in adult mode: Imagine your children watching both their parents act like angry, tantruming toddlers. What would they be thinking and feeling? www.mariadroste.org
  14. 14. You do need support people in your life, but your children are NOT those people  Get support from friends, clergy, counselors, siblings.  Your job is to support your children. You can’t do that if you are leaning on them for your own support. www.mariadroste.org
  15. 15. Don’ts and Don’ts:  Don’t use your children as spies  Don’t use your children as messengers  Don’t ever bad-mouth the other parent to or in front of your children  Don’t fight in front of the children  Don’t talk about failed marital issues with kids www.mariadroste.org
  16. 16. Chris’s goal of parenting:  To bring your children safely to adulthood with the emotional, social, psychological tools they need to live successfully.  Make your own goal for parenting your children and use it as your guiding principle. www.mariadroste.org
  17. 17. Children survive different parenting styles a lot better than they survive ongoing conflict. What’s the small stuff?  Is bedtime really worth fighting over?  Is diet?, clothing?, TV time?  Is exact “equal time” more about us or about what’s best for the kids? www.mariadroste.org
  18. 18. Why do I have to do that? For the most important reason of all:  Because your children need to believe you BOTH have their best interest at heart.  Unless there is real abuse happening, they probably do love their kids to the best of their ability. www.mariadroste.org
  19. 19. Another benefit:  If you “act as if” toward the other parent, this is likely to reduce conflict on its own because he/she will respond to your more positive regard. Try it! www.mariadroste.org
  20. 20.  Pretend to be a hostage negotiator  Stay in adult mode at all times  Let your children be children  Keep the end goal of parenting in sight and don’t sweat the small stuff  “Act as if” the other parent has your children’s best interest at heart How to... www.mariadroste.org
  21. 21.  www.Co-Parenting101.com  www.ChrisLewisPsychotherapy.com  The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go Of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce, by Elizabeth Thayer, PhD  www.Find-a-Therapist.com www.mariadroste.org
  22. 22. For more information about co-parenting counseling, family therapy, or marriage counseling in Denver, Colorado, contact Maria Droste Counseling Center at 303-756-9052 or visit www.MariaDroste.org.
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