3.
Why We Communicate
Women
Seeking connection
Build and maintain
relationships with
others
Talking is the essence
of relationships
Men
Seeking status
When it makes them
look good, strong,
competitive, or
independent
4.
Communication Styles
Women
Express emotions
Share personal feelings
Relate stories
Listen empathically
(also called rapport
talk)
Men
Competitive joking
Assertive speech that
wins control of the
conversation (report
talk)
5.
Differing Perceptions
Women: Connection Lens
Look for similarities to
achieve connection
Try to achieve equality
Men: Status Lens
Look for differences to
achieve status
Young boys try to “one
up” each other
Strength of
personalities means
height of status
6.
Non-Verbal
Communication
Women
Direct, face-to-face gaze
Used to focus on
connection
Misinterpret no eye
contact as a sign of not
listening
Men
Avoid direct eye contact
Are still listening,
although they may not
look directly at you
Misinterpret direct eye
contact as a
confrontational or
flirtatious
7.
Conversational Rituals
Women
Use compliments
Related to the
connection dimension
Men
Use playful insults and
teasing
Related to the status
dimension
8.
Small Talk
Women
Talking about personal
subjects in order to give
sense of connection
Ex: “How’s your
family?”
Men
Focuses on information
– details, statistics
Ex: sports and hobbies
11.
Giving Orders
Women
Indirect
Use strategies not to
appear bossy
Men interpret this as:
Not being managerial
Easier to say “NO”
Men
Direct
Dictate orders
Not bossy or offensive
Women interpret this
as:
Impoliteness
Overbearing
12.
Expectations for how an authority figure should
speak is based upon men in authority
If a woman is direct (masculine) she appears pushy
or bossy
If a woman is indirect (feminine) she appears
incompetent
The “Double Blind” for
Women
13.
Most men and women don’t grasp that “talking
through their problems” with each other will only
make things worse if it’s their divergent ways of
talking that are causing the trouble in the first place
If we recognize and understand the differences, we
can take them into account, adjust to, and learn from
each other’s styles
This will allow us to confront real conflicts of interest
Why Is This Important?
14.
Some Survival Tips
Women
Give ides outright
without disclaimer
Be more concrete when
giving orders
Men
Give compliments more
freely
Use praise to temper
criticism
Asks for another’s
opinion to make them
feel included