Stages ForChange
“Anyattempttoimposeyourwillonanotheris
anactof violence.”
Gandhi
Stages forChange
Values
Attitudes
Beliefs
What
Happened
Before
Feelings
Body Talk
Up Talk
Violence
Stages forChange
Common Characteristics of The Batterer
Although thereisno single“batterer profile,” certain characteristi...
Stages forChange
Common Beliefs of Batterers
• Anger causesviolence
• Women aremanipulative
• Women think of men as
payche...
Stages ForChange
Domestic Violence 101
Domestic Violence:
Any assault, aggravated assault, battery, aggravated battery, se...
Stages ForChange
Domestic violence 101 – 2004 Hubbard House
Stats
6,375 Hotlinecallsreceived6,375 Hotlinecallsreceived.
20...
Stages ForChange
Reasons ForStaying
She may love her
abuser since he may
be more often loving
than abusive.
She may fear h...
Stages ForChange
When Talking with a Victim
Remain non-judgmental
Benon-confrontational
Validatefeelings
Don’t ask questio...
Stages ForChange
What Not to Say
Areyou avictim of domestic violence?
What did you do to provoketheattack?
What wereyou do...
Stages ForChange
Effects on Children
PRENATAL INFANTS TODDLERS OLDER CHILDREN
 By 18 weeksof gestation,
brain development...
Stages ForChange
Coping with Family Violence
• Fourout of five children from violence homes witness extreme violence
direc...
Stages ForChange
Teen Dating Abuse…
It’s More Common Than You Think
Dynamics of Teen Dating Abuse
• 36% of female high school and college students
surveyed, more than one in three have
exper...
Dynamics of Teen Dating Abuse cont.
• 25% of Female Homicide Victims are between
15 and 24 years old.
• One in three women...
Why is Teen Dating Abuse So Common?
• Peerapproval
• Genderrole expectations
• Lack of experience
• Little contact with ad...
Continuum of Dating Abuse
Verbal Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Mental Abuse
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Stages ForChange
Characteristics of a Teen Abuser
• Calling her/him names
• Buying her/him a pagerorcell phone and expecting them
to return...
Stages ForChange
What is sexual violence?
Any forced sexual contact by oneperson with another
person.
Thisincludestouching...
Continuum of Sexual Violence
Obscene phone calls
Window peeping
Flashing
Sexual Harassment (verbal and/orphysical)
Fondlin...
Myths of Sexual Assault
1) “Sheasked for it.”
2) “It can’t happen to me.”
3) Sex offendersaremotivated by sexual
desire.
4...
Prevention will only come with social
change:
 Hold offendersaccountablefor thecrime
 Recognizeavictim’s(anyone’s) vulne...
Consent versus Force
Consent meansboth personsagreeto sexual activity
without theinfluenceof drugsor alcohol, without
mani...
Patterns of Rape
• 70% are powerrapists - littlebodily injury,
pre-planned, repetitive, offender known to
victim
• 25% are...
Three Phases of the Rape Experience
(1) Threat of Attack
(2) Victimization
Occurs
(3) Aftermath
Stages ForChange
How Date Rape Occurs:
• Failureto get aclear consent
• Failureto stop when victim saysno
• Using drugsor alcohol
• Victim ...
Date Rape Drugs:
• Work in 5-20 minutes
• Offender can remain anonymous
• Render victimshelpless
• Cheap
• Cannot betasted...
Most rapes are not reported by victims :
 Lack of understanding of what rapeis
 Fear of not being believed
 Fear of bei...
Reactions to Sexual Assault:
Shock Disbelief
Embarrassment Shame
Guilt Depression
Powerlessness Disorientation
Re-triggeri...
Marital Rape
* Power
* Punishment
* Control
* Sadistic
* “Makeup” sex
* Forced unacceptableacts
* Multiplepartners
* Video...
Reduce yourRisk:
 Practicegood communication skills
 Trust your feelings
 Go out in groups
 Stay together
 Stay sober...
What to do when sexual assault occurs:
 Get to asafeplace
 Call afriend or relativewho can help
 Call 911 or acrisishot...
Hubbard House
Contact Numbers
Emergency
Shelter
354-0076
24 Hour
Hotline
354-3114
STATEWIDE HOTLINE NUMBER
1-800-500-1119
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Stagesfor change dvsv-training

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  • <number>
  • <number>
    DISCUSSION
    Before we leave, I’d like to briefly highlight Hubbard House’s Programs
    While we are known as a shelter, that’s not all we do.
    Shelter is nice, safe, COMPREHENSIVE---not just a cot on the floor.
    Hotline is 24 hours.
    On and offsite children’s programs…daycare, school, HARK, RAP.
    Outreach counseling and groups, personal alarms.
    ERT Hospital and home response.
    First Step---400 men at any given time. Very successful.
    Court Advocacy—there every step of the way.
    Community Ed---that’s us!
    Volunteer Opportunities---everything from paperwork to client services. Also MAVAW!
  • <number>
    DISCUSSION
    Again this hotline number is good anywhere in the state. It will put you in touch with the closest shelter.
    Can I answer any other questions?
    Thanks…you’ve been great! Have a good Friday afternoon.
    NTF
    Finish approximately 11:20-11:30 depending on amount of discussion.
  • Stagesfor change dvsv-training

    1. 1. Stages ForChange “Anyattempttoimposeyourwillonanotheris anactof violence.” Gandhi
    2. 2. Stages forChange Values Attitudes Beliefs What Happened Before Feelings Body Talk Up Talk Violence
    3. 3. Stages forChange Common Characteristics of The Batterer Although thereisno single“batterer profile,” certain characteristicsconsistently differentiatebatterers from non-batterers. Themorecommon characteristicsinclude: • Controlling behaviors(seePower & Control Wheel) • Minimizesor denieshisviolence • Viewsconflictsin termsof win-lose only; lacksconflict resolution skills • Blameshispartner • Isoverly dependent on hispartner • Haslow self-esteem • Isgenerally unassertivetoward anyoneelse • Lackscommunication skills • Rigid sex roles • “Playful” useof forcein sex • Often seen by friends/co-workersas not battering type • Abusesdrugsor alcohol; blameshis violenceon them
    4. 4. Stages forChange Common Beliefs of Batterers • Anger causesviolence • Women aremanipulative • Women think of men as paychecks • I giveher thepaycheck so she haseconomic power • If I don’t control her, she’ll control me • Smashing thingsisn’t abusive, it’sventing • Sometimesthere’sno alternative to violence • Women’sLibbershatemen • Women arejust asviolent asmen • Women want to bedominated by men • Somebody hasto bein charge • Jealousy isnatural in men • Violenceisoften abreakdown in communication • A man hastheright to choosehis partner’sfriends • A man can’t changeif thewoman won’t
    5. 5. Stages ForChange Domestic Violence 101 Domestic Violence: Any assault, aggravated assault, battery, aggravated battery, sexual assault, sexual battery, stalking, aggravated stalking, kidnapping, false imprisonment, or any criminal offense resulting in personal injury ordeath of one *family o r ho useho ld member by another, who is orwas residing in the same single dwelling unit. Family or Household Member: Spouse, former spouse, persons related by blood or marriage, persons who are presently residing together, as if a family, or who have resided together in the past, as if a family, and persons who have a child in common regardless of whetherthey have been married orhave resided togetherat any time.
    6. 6. Stages ForChange Domestic violence 101 – 2004 Hubbard House Stats 6,375 Hotlinecallsreceived6,375 Hotlinecallsreceived. 20,744 Counseling hoursprovided20,744 Counseling hoursprovided. 1,150 Clientssheltered1,150 Clientssheltered 557 – Children under 18557 – Children under 18 589 – Women589 – Women 3 - Men3 - Men 26,586 shelter days.
    7. 7. Stages ForChange Reasons ForStaying She may love her abuser since he may be more often loving than abusive. She may fear he will carry out his threats to kill her or the children. She may fear losing custody of her children. She probably suffers from low self-esteem because of his abuse and feels like a failure for not being able to stop it. She may feel that the abuse is deserved or it is her fault. She may have cultural or religious beliefs that keep her in the relationship. She may feel that the children need their father or she is incapable of raising them as a single parent. She may believe that she cannot survive emotionally without her partner and fears being alone She may be financially dependent on her partner and lacking in job skills. She may be so exhausted from dealing with the abuse on a daily basis that she is unable to make major decisions or changes.
    8. 8. Stages ForChange When Talking with a Victim Remain non-judgmental Benon-confrontational Validatefeelings Don’t ask questionsthat appear to blamethevictim for theabuse. Alwaysgivethevictim theright to decidewhat isbest.
    9. 9. Stages ForChange What Not to Say Areyou avictim of domestic violence? What did you do to provoketheattack? What wereyou doing right beforeyou wereattacked? Why haven’t you left?or Why do you keep going back?
    10. 10. Stages ForChange Effects on Children PRENATAL INFANTS TODDLERS OLDER CHILDREN  By 18 weeksof gestation, brain development is developing  In thewomb, it isbelieved that character traits areformed  A fetusbetween 10-15 weeks feelsand reactsto violence  Bonding and attachment before and around birth havelifelong effects 15% of USchildren enter life without attachment  Children rejected pre-natally show developmental, psychological and social handicaps  May cry more often and bemore irritablethan most infants.  May experience sleep disturbances and digestive problems.  May resist being held or being fed  May be developmentally delayed/Failureto thrive  May havelow self- esteem and lack of self confidence.  May bemore aggressiveOR more withdrawn than normal.  May exhibit high levelsof anxiety and fearfulnesswith physical manifestations such asstomach aches And nightmares.  May havelow self-esteem and lack of self confidence.  May feel inadequatefor not being ableto protect their mothers (thisisespecially truefor male children).  May besuicidal.  May beaggressivewith violent outburstsof anger.  May lack social skillsand do poorly in school.  May resort to juvenile delinquency and battering in their own dating relationships.
    11. 11. Stages ForChange Coping with Family Violence • Fourout of five children from violence homes witness extreme violence directed at themselves orothers in theirown homes • 30 to 40% of women who are battered grew up seeing theirmothers being abused • 50 to 80% of men who batterwitnessed theirfather’s violence against theirmothers • Three to five children in each classroom may be witnessing violence in theirhomes • Violent relationships begin when teens are about 15 years old and become involved in serious relationships
    12. 12. Stages ForChange Teen Dating Abuse… It’s More Common Than You Think
    13. 13. Dynamics of Teen Dating Abuse • 36% of female high school and college students surveyed, more than one in three have experienced some violence in a dating relationship. • 50% of dating women sufferphysical, sexual, emotional, orverbal abuse from theirdating partners. • The majority of violence occurs during the “going steady” orserious phase of the relationship. (But I Love Him, Dr. Jill Murray 2000) Stages ForChange
    14. 14. Dynamics of Teen Dating Abuse cont. • 25% of Female Homicide Victims are between 15 and 24 years old. • One in three women who are killed in the United States are murdered by theirboyfriend or husband. • 90% of abusive men in prison come from abusive homes. (ButI LoveHim, Dr. Jill Murray 2000) Stages ForChange
    15. 15. Why is Teen Dating Abuse So Common? • Peerapproval • Genderrole expectations • Lack of experience • Little contact with adult resources • Less access to societal resources • Legal issues • Substance abuse (Domestic andDatingViolence: Aninformationandresourcehandbook, compiled by the Metropolitan King City Council 1996) Stages ForChange
    16. 16. Continuum of Dating Abuse Verbal Abuse Emotional Abuse Mental Abuse Physical Abuse Sexual Abuse Stages ForChange
    17. 17. Characteristics of a Teen Abuser • Calling her/him names • Buying her/him a pagerorcell phone and expecting them to return the phone call immediately • Monopolizing all of her/his time • Isolating her/him from family, friends, and outside interests • Making him orher feel insecure • Blaming him orherforthings going wrong • Jealousy, Control, possessiveness • Saying “ILove You” too soon • Using Drugs orAlcohol • Forcing Sex Stages ForChange
    18. 18. Stages ForChange What is sexual violence? Any forced sexual contact by oneperson with another person. Thisincludestouching on top of and underneath clothing, includesforcing thevictim to touch the offender sexually, includestouching sexual body parts with objects.
    19. 19. Continuum of Sexual Violence Obscene phone calls Window peeping Flashing Sexual Harassment (verbal and/orphysical) Fondling Date Rape StrangerRape Multiple Assailants Relative Assault (Incest)    Stages ForChange
    20. 20. Myths of Sexual Assault 1) “Sheasked for it.” 2) “It can’t happen to me.” 3) Sex offendersaremotivated by sexual desire. 4) Sex offendersareretarded. 5) Sex offendersareacertain race. 6) Women frequently “cry rape”. Stages ForChange
    21. 21. Prevention will only come with social change:  Hold offendersaccountablefor thecrime  Recognizeavictim’s(anyone’s) vulnerability  Demonstrateempathy toward victims  Realizethat rapeisnot sexy Stages ForChange
    22. 22. Consent versus Force Consent meansboth personsagreeto sexual activity without theinfluenceof drugsor alcohol, without manipulation, promises, liesor blackmail, without physical force, threats, or theuseof weaponsor restraints. Force robsanother of their freewill and their right to refuse. Stages ForChange
    23. 23. Patterns of Rape • 70% are powerrapists - littlebodily injury, pre-planned, repetitive, offender known to victim • 25% are angerrapists - great physical trauma, impulsive, episodic • 5% are sadistic rapists - kidnapping, murder, torture, mutilation, calculated Stages ForChange
    24. 24. Three Phases of the Rape Experience (1) Threat of Attack (2) Victimization Occurs (3) Aftermath Stages ForChange
    25. 25. How Date Rape Occurs: • Failureto get aclear consent • Failureto stop when victim saysno • Using drugsor alcohol • Victim isunder 16 years • Victim isunder 18 yearsand offender isover 24 yearsof age • Usually during social occasions Stages ForChange
    26. 26. Date Rape Drugs: • Work in 5-20 minutes • Offender can remain anonymous • Render victimshelpless • Cheap • Cannot betasted in beverage • Eliminatememory of victim • Hard to detect in later blood tests Stages ForChange
    27. 27. Most rapes are not reported by victims :  Lack of understanding of what rapeis  Fear of not being believed  Fear of being blamed  Fear of getting into trouble  Fear of parent’sreaction  Fear of offender  Fear of getting abad reputation Stages ForChange
    28. 28. Reactions to Sexual Assault: Shock Disbelief Embarrassment Shame Guilt Depression Powerlessness Disorientation Re-triggering Denial Fear Anxiety Anger Stages ForChange
    29. 29. Marital Rape * Power * Punishment * Control * Sadistic * “Makeup” sex * Forced unacceptableacts * Multiplepartners * Videotapessold on internet Stages ForChange
    30. 30. Reduce yourRisk:  Practicegood communication skills  Trust your feelings  Go out in groups  Stay together  Stay sober  Becareful with beverages  Alwayslet someoneknow whereyou will be Stages ForChange
    31. 31. What to do when sexual assault occurs:  Get to asafeplace  Call afriend or relativewho can help  Call 911 or acrisishot line  Get medical help  Do not shower  Savetheclothing you werewearing  Get support, such ascounseling  And always remember, rape is neveryourfault Stages ForChange
    32. 32. Hubbard House Contact Numbers Emergency Shelter 354-0076 24 Hour Hotline 354-3114
    33. 33. STATEWIDE HOTLINE NUMBER 1-800-500-1119
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