Uglacy 9 thanksgiving
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Uglacy 9 thanksgiving

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The Legacy family striving to get ugly does Thanksgiving in typical dysfunctional style. Come have turkey with us!

The Legacy family striving to get ugly does Thanksgiving in typical dysfunctional style. Come have turkey with us!

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Uglacy 9 thanksgiving Uglacy 9 thanksgiving Presentation Transcript

  • The Good, The Bad, & The Uglacy, Thanksgiving Special by Candi0207
  • Welcome back to the legacy family striving to get ugly in 10 generations! It all started with a founder by the name of Ben Cartwright, whose ghost made an appearance for traditional Thanksgiving pancakes.
  • Generation 3 is in full force. What is a legacy you ask? Well, basically its raising 10 generations of sims, without cheats, and usually people strive for points for wealth or lifetime wants.. but not I. I want to see how ugly a sim 10 generations in the Sims 3 can produce. Current Heir is Audra Cartwright.
  • Audra is hard at work trying to climb up to Star News Anchor, her lifetime want. She is currently writing a sci-fi novel on “Aliens Among Us.” She is neurotic, hates the outdoors, is a vehicle enthusiast, an equestrian, and is absent minded. “Um, what was I writing again?”
  • Bobo and Victoria are still alive, Victoria is like a hundred years old. Bobo is like 80 here. She nags, he drinks. “You never raised the perfect tomato, Bobo. You didn‟t get anywhere near your lifetime want.” “Yeah, well you never adopted 6 pets!” Cheated by EA. The story of my life. Actually she did, we just never got the credit.
  • Nick continues to sneak around (literally). The love child twin of Bobo and Victoria, he serves no purpose. Released from his little episode in jail, he awaits graduation.
  • Laura, twin 2, is just hogging up the house and slowing down the game play too. My Their goal is to graduate and get the hell out. I have learned a valuable legacy playing lesson. Don‟t just make little sim babies because you can. Breed responsibly.
  • Congratulations!!! Now beat it you dead weights. And that is the last we will see of Laura and Nick, except for family parties of course. Which occur a lot in my legacies… so okay… they will be back.
  • Ah, at last we can get back to legacy living. Audra rolls the want to send Peanut a love letter. The way to a man‟s heart is to point out his uniqueness. Dear Peanut, Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Even Dumbo has nothing on you.
  • Of all my sims, Victoria has taken the equestrian trait to heart. She rides constantly, I admire her love of horses. *sniff* “Pffft, don‟t tell her Angel, I just want to get the hell out of that house before she makes me unclog the toilet again!”
  • “Hmm, a present for me? This smells weird. What is it?” “Don‟t be so suspicious. I wrapped up some of the finest horse manure for you.” “YOU WHAT?!”
  • “Why are you upset? I thought you could use the manure for your perfect plant dream.” “You give me horse shit for a gift and you don‟t understand why I‟m mad. Really, Victoria? Is love this complicated for you? Oh wait, yes, it is. You have no heart.”
  • “You‟re a gardener Bobo, I thought manure was something you would want.” “Good Grief woman, you gave me shit in a box. I don‟t think there is a Hallmark card for that one.” Ok, maybe I really did try this because I though manure would help Bobo‟s dream, but all it really did piss him off at Victoria. Oops.
  • “Can you believe that Ramie, shit in a box. Is that what that woman thinks of me? All my life, it‟s Bobo do this, Bobo do that. Well I‟m sick of being her boy toy. I deserve better than gift wrapped poo!”
  • Meanwhile, Audra gets an opportunity for her job. She needs to interview someone, so who better than the local bouncer at the watering hole. She decides to try and ply the secret pumpkin pie recipe out of him. “Well, it‟s not easy making pumpkin pie. We have a top secret recipe.”
  • “So then you have to take the pie out of the box, now here‟s the hard part. You have to turn the knob on the oven and it has to be on 350. Okay, now this rules a lot of people out, but you have to know how to tell time. They have these things called clocks. They have numbers on them.” “So these aren‟t home made pies?” “Wow, you‟re good lady. You broke me down. You‟re hard core like Barbara Walters.”
  • For her second interview, Audra chooses Blake Timberly. “So what‟s it like having constant body odor issues?” “Are you people idiots? I’m a fairy, that’s my fairy dust.” “Next question, are you related to Justin Timberly?”
  • We, Victoria was kind of feeling bad about the whole poop surprise for Bobo. “Look Bobo, I‟m sorry for that stupid voice in my head that SAID give him shit in a box. Let‟s try a normal date. What do you say?”
  • “Isn‟t this romantic making a snowman together with the first snow of the season?” “Thanks Victoria, I was beginning to think you didn‟t care.”
  • “Arrrgh, the sky is falling, the sky is falling!” “Calm down, Victoria, everything‟s okay. That‟s just your insane trait. Did you take your meds today?
  • “Erm on second thought Victoria, let‟s go ice skating.”
  • “Do you think ice skating is okay… I mean you are 103 years old now.” “Pft, don‟t be stupid Bobo, I‟ve got more body points than Richard Simmons.”
  • “Oww, I think my hip just went out!” I heard a loud crack!” “That‟s just the ice breaking under us, Bobo, no big deal.” “Ww-what?”
  • Meanwhile, Audra is snow boarding like a pro! “I’m awesome, bitches!”
  • She wasn‟t too keen on ice skating tho. “Dude, no one wants to see Werewolves on Ice.” “Grrrr, we got rights too. If only I could stand upright, I could totally nail a triple spin landing. The Olympics would be MINE!”
  • “Hey Audra, learning to skate?” “I‟m trying to, but that stupid werewolf left a parting gift on the ice. Ewww. I‟m never getting that off my skates.”
  • “Victoria, that was a great date.” “Mmm, tounge.” Ewww, I am so not liking Victoria‟s facial expression. *cringe*
  • “Mom, why are you outside again. You‟re seriously 104 years old. I know you‟re tired and should be in bed. I see that thought bubble.” I have never had a sim ever live this long. I am intrigued. Is it because Victoria is obsessed with exercise and works out non stop?
  • Since playing the sims 3 I have to say I hate the courting process. It was easier to court and marry my own husband than this game makes it. “Peanut, please, we need to date once in a while. Don‟t tell me to call back in four hours… why you son of a… Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep”
  • Frustrated, Audra invites her friend Blake over. “I don‟t get it Blake. He acts so uninterested. I‟m running out of time. I‟m almost an adult! MY family‟s legacy depends on me!” “Girlfriend you gotta put it in overdrive. Make the moves on the boy.”
  • Victoria: “Yeah, so my daughter can‟t get laid. I mean what‟s up with that girl? You would think I didn‟t raise her.” Random Bartender: “Hey, everyone knows you‟re like 104 now. What‟s your secret, lady? Do you bathe in the blood of newborn babies? Sacrifice animals?‟ Victoria: “Nothing that dramatic. Booze, sex, and exercise, in that order.”
  • “Hello, Peanut, this is Audra‟s mom. I need you to come over to the house, and don‟t you pull that I‟m not available for four hours crap on me. I will come to your house and drag you over! Oh, that sounds great, you‟ll be right over. I thought so.”
  • I‟m worried Peanut. Audra seems to be working more on her writing than her ugly baby making with you. She fancies herself as a writer. Have you read her drivel? Anyway, I‟d like a grandkid before I die, I‟m holding on here. Can you stop being so damn difficult for her to pursue? It‟s not like you got the girls lining up for those big dumbo ears. I expect the children will be stupid, but you can‟t have everything.”
  • “Wow, Mrs. Cartwright sure makes a mean hot dog. She kept talking to me about something, I don‟t know. All I heard was bla bla, ugly babies.” For having radar sonar ears, this kid can‟t hear worth crap.
  • “Hello, I am a representative from Grim Reaper, Inc. We put the caring in all your death needs. Please point me to the expired sim.” Huh, what happened to the grim reaper *glares at Seasons*
  • “OH crud, mom, run out the back door!”
  • “Oh no, not the bathtub!” My sentiments exactly. Now I have to take crappy pictures of Victoria‟s death in a 10 by 10 bathroom. Worse, the grim reaper seems to be having serious fashion issues. Why does this shit always happen to me?
  • “Perharps you should consider karma. For what you put out into the world, shall return to you tenfold. As the Dalai Lama said, “Where ignorance is our master, there can be no peace.” Oh shut up. Glitched Grim Reaper.
  • “Oh my gosh, how do I get into the bathroom? This isn‟t in the Grim Reaper Manuel, or Grim Reaping for Idiots. What do I do?” Where‟s that inner peace now, Mr. Karma man? And we want our money back, what kind of death service is this?!
  • “Pardon me, move aside, move aside, please. Let me do my job.” “Nooo, don‟t let him take her. Do we even know who this guy is?!” “I assure you sir, to spite my lack of a black robe, I am a death professional.” Yeah, because black robes aren’t warm enough for winter, apparently! Seriously EA!
  • “Do you at least have some ID on you? I mean I don‟t know you. What if you‟re planning something when you take her off to the afterlife? You could be a barbaric rapist for all we know. Some kind of sick pervert.” “Oh hush Bobo. Leave the man do his job. I can only hope to get that lucky.”
  • “Don‟t worry, the sun will come out tomorrow!” “Screw you! You just killed my wife, jerk.”
  • “Okay, so what next? Do I see a light or something.” “Um, I don‟t know.” “Don‟t know, what do you mean you don‟t know?” “It‟s my first expiration assignment. I don‟t know what I do next.”
  • “Well it was nice to meet you anyway.” “You too. Please don‟t let this effect my satisfaction survey.” At this point, I really didn‟t know what was going on. Is she dead, is she a ghost?
  • Meanwhile, in the bathroom, “Oh I can‟t believe she‟s gone, she was the love of my life! What willI do! How can I go on!” Please Bobo, we are talking the woman who gave you shit in a box.
  • “Audra, I feel exhausted. Did you ever just have one of those days?” “Eegads, mom. MOM! Is that you, in the flesh?!” What the hell… no one begged for her. I didn‟t cheat…how did this happen?
  • “I‟m 105 now. Am I immortal? Why didn‟t I die?” Oh boy, I don‟t know. Is death glitched in my game? This could get really complicated. I can‟t have sims living forever. The error messages alone would kill me!
  • “I don‟t care why it happened, I‟m just glad it did. You came back to me , my butterfly. You escaped the clutches of, well I think that guy was death, but I‟m still not sure.” Well, I‟m glad you‟re happy Bobo, Victoria refusing to die! Really! UGH. Frickin lame out-sourced grim reaper company.
  • Ben, Ben help me. I don‟t know what to do. I can‟t get Peanut and Audra in the same room for 5 minutes, let alone make a baby, and now my sims can‟t die. This legacy is doomed, doomed I say. What do I do?! No babies and just a lot of old people! “Where ignorance is our master, there can be no peace.” “OH Shut up, Ben!
  • “I wonder if mom will be the same now. This might be Pet Cemetery or the Monkey‟s Claw. She might be crazy, insane, dangerous, and unfeeling. I‟ve seen those movies where people come back from the dead with nothing but hate, evil, and murderous souls. Wait… she is like that. How will I tell?!”
  • Victoria, insane, don’t be silly!
  • “There, there sweetie, no nasty pretend grim reaper is going to take your mistress away.”
  • “Good day to you, Mrs. Cartwright.” “You again. Have you come to try to finish the job? I foiled you once, I can foil you again.”
  • “No Mrs. Cartwright. Sadly I have come for your horse, Angel.” “Angel?! No, no you can‟t have her!”
  • “Run, Angel, run. Fast as the wind. Be free, be crazy, run until you can‟t run anymore!”
  • “But that‟s just it, Mrs. Cartwright, she doesn‟t want to run anymore. She‟s tired, and her old joints hurt. Let me take her where she can have peace, to a beautiful pasture, where she will run forever.” “Oh fine, but you‟re not going to botch this up too, are you?”
  • “I won‟t botch this, I shall take excellent care of her. She will be waiting for you, Victoria Cartwright, for that day I come for you.” “Yea, yea, we‟ll see, buddy. That went so well last time.”
  • “Nooo, not Angel. The only thing that can help is another horse!” Audra rolled the want immediately, and I didn‟t want to see Sonny alone. Time to buy us another four legged critter!
  • And so we purchased Astra. She‟s obedient, shy, hates jumping, and is neat. I wonder about neat. I have had a lot of horses, and I have never seen a horse that is neat. Do they clean their own pen? Will they vacuum my house? And doesn‟t that snowman look a bit stalkish? Just saying. Frosty needs a restraining order.
  • “Well finally, something is going right. Carry on kids.”
  • Well, that didn‟t last long. Audra ages into an adult right in the middle of the kiss. “Hahahahaha, you just became an adult. You‟re older than me now. Technically you might be an old maid. Well at least you got a kiss.” Audra‟s face says everything I am thinking.
  • “Alright Peanut, we need to talk. Why are you not giving my daughter any other options then a kiss and a hug. Seriously. Would a make out be too much for you? How do you expect to produce babies this way?” “Well, I‟m not really sure about baby making or making out for that matter.”
  • “I can see you‟re a little slow Peanut, so let me draw you a picture.” “Oh goodie, I like pictures!”
  • “Oh no, no, no. That can‟t be right. You can‟t put that there.”
  • So I was thinking, we should have a long drawn out friendship, so we can really get to know each other better. You know, before we do anything with any body parts that we might regret. Terrible, disturbing, possible traumatic things.” “Peanut, we already have had a long drawn out go steady option. Can‟t we at least get engaged?” “No, no, that could lead to other things, like… holding hands.”
  • “Oh Blake, what do I do? I can‟t seem to get Peanut to take the next step.” “There,. there girlfriend. You can’t give up.”
  • “Do you have some special fairy dust? Something that can make him love me? You fairies know all about love.”
  • “Girlfriend, I am tired of you people assuming fairies know everything about love. I got my own love problems, my wings are missing, it looks like I’m hanging from a drape. On top of that, everyone thinks I have body odor I don’t have!”
  • ‘Wooo, Angel died ” “Yes, Ramie, I know. Why don‟t you go make friends with Astra?”
  • “So you‟re the new horse. Let‟s be friends.” “We have to get something straight right off. I don‟t like water sprinklers.”
  • “Parrots. Do You like parrots?” Really EA. Do you really think this is what horses talk about?!
  • 113 years old and still riding horses. Jumping in fact. Victoria rules. Astra: What part of my not liking jumping trait did you not get???
  • So Bobo, I was thinking…I want to have a Thankgiving special. I got the recipe for turkey, but you just need one more cooking point for turkey. “Hmmf, typical. Bobo fix the shower, Bobo raise the babies, Bobo cook the turkey. Fine, fine, I‟ll go to the library and read up on cooking.”
  • “Okay, so let‟s see. The Ultimate Butterball. Hmmm. Turkeylicious. Maybe. The Tofu Turkey… oh I don‟t think so.”
  • “Um sir, would you like some last rites?” “Last rites? No, no, I‟m looking for a book on turkey cooking.” “Well I feel obliged to tell you, that you may be checking out more than a book today.”
  • “Surprise! It is I. Grim Reaper Inc., Associate 274 at your service.” “Oh no, not this bozo again. And in the library? Who dies in a library?!”
  • “You do, sir. But it is quite alright. Your grave will forever mark the cooking section of the library. That is quite an honor, sir.” “Are you fricking kidding me! I died in the cooking section of the library. How pathetic is that? My life was pathetic enough! Talk about a crappy ass death!”
  • Audra was almost psychic! “OH no, Bobo just died in the cooking section of the library!”
  • Victoria did not even acknowledge the grief in her sim panel, but she did get suddenly chilled at the same moment that Bobo died. “I never get cold, I‟m always outside. That‟s odd. I just felt a chill.”
  • “What‟s this? A recipe, it came out of nowhere.”
  • “A turkey recipe? As if I could cook it with my four cooking points.Maybe I‟ll give this to Bobo.” Little does she know, that recipe was Bobo‟s. *sob*
  • “Blake, Bobo‟s dead, he‟s dead. And worse his grave is at the library…in the cooking section.” “Oh geesh. Talk about a lame death. I have to write a song about that one. I know… What sucks more than being a fairy, is dying in the cooking section of the library.”
  • Audra: “Nooo, he‟s dead. I can‟t believe he‟s gone forever.” Blake: “I’ll play you a sad song, Audra. Something to remember Bobo by. How about There Will be no Turkey this Thanksgiving…cuz poor Bobo just ain’t living.” Victoria: “Would you guys quiet down in there with your mourning and whining. Geesh you‟d think someone died or something.”
  • “I just can‟t do it, Blake. I can‟t leave Bo‟s grave at the library.” “You’re so right, girlfriend. We’ll just go down there and get that grave. But you ain’t going nowhere with that haircut. That pixie style has been out longer than I have.”
  • “Wow, I’m really surprised the library doors are still open at 2 AM. Are you sure we aren’t breaking and entering? I don’t know about this Audra. But your hair looks ammaaazing, girlfriend.”
  • “Listen Blake, I‟m not leaving Bobo‟s grave down here for the storytime tots to play with. He‟s coming home where he belongs. Besides, maybe my mom will finally figure out he died. Oh and thanks. My hair does look amazing, doesn‟t it?”
  • “OH no, they cremated him in the cooking section. Wahhhh, poor Bobo.” On the plus side I bet he was cremated by someone with a lot of cooking points. What? I’m just trying to look at the positive.
  • Unfortunately, by the time Audra got home, Bobo‟s ashes had mysteriously disappeared. Feeling like she needed a little comfort, and since Victoria was completely oblivious to Bobo‟s death, Audra headed over to Peanut‟s house. “Peanut. I had to come see you!”
  • Audra: “You never call me back. You won‟t talk to me. I had to come over to tell you. Bobo died. At the library no less. I had his ashes in the car and some sicko took them!” Peanut: “Yea while I was dealing with stuff too.”
  • “Gee, it‟s really nice that both you and your mom are mourning Bobo. I didn‟t realize you guys were so close to him.” Wow, the house of boo hoos, even I was confused. Were they that upset over Bobo? They only meant him at a party.
  • “You know not everything is about you, Audra! My dad died too! That‟s why my mother‟s crying. This creepy guy came by claiming to work for the Grim Reaper and it was all over! Well, once he figured out how to get into the bathroom.” Geesh, Peanut, take a chill pill, why don’t ya? We won’t use the console option on you again.
  • It‟s okay, Peanut, I didn‟t know. But don‟t worry about the creepy grim reaper. It‟s just the reaper in winter wear. I guess his robes are pretty lightweight. Why don‟t you let me stay tonight? We can grieve together. Neither of us should be alone.” *evil grin. What… she’s just trying to comfort him, honest!
  • “I don‟t know, after those pictures your mom showed me…” “Relax Peanut, you can‟t pay any attention to my mother. She‟s bat assed crazy. Not that your mom looks much better over there in the corner. Does she think she‟s a monkey or something?”
  • “MOM! What are you doing here at Peanut‟s house?” “I just thought I should come by and check on things. Has he finally figured out how to knock you up? Knows which way the choo choo train goes yet?” I was laughing so hard, Victoria was not invited and did literally show up! Haha.
  • “Mom, you have to go now! I can‟t deal with you right now. Shouldn‟t you be in a nursing home yet!” “As soon as I clean up. These people are pigs, Audra. You„d think someone died around here the way they‟ve let things go.”
  • As the lioness carefully approaches her prey, she skillfully awaits for the prey to be completely engaged in a resting state before pouncing. Timing is crucial, as any alert to the impending danger, and the potential victim will flee, therefore foiling the lioness‟s plan.
  • Oh so close, but the agile gazelle bounces away, savoring his prized virginity for yet another day.
  • “Well our platonic night was an expected dud, Peanut. Now I‟m going home but we are going to have our Thanksgiving in honor of Bobo. So I want you to come. No more excuses.” “Alright. I do like to eat.”
  • “So can you get your pretend casserole out of my pancreas?” “Oh sorry dude. It‟s invisible mashed potatoes.” “Nice.”
  • Blake: “Now that is a much better place for your hand. Audra never mentioned such a handsome brother. Where were you last time I came by?” Audra: “He was in jail!” Blake: “Oh a bad boy. Now I am intrigued.”
  • “Tristan, what are you doing here? I didn‟t invite you!” “Of course you did. Everyone invites me. It must have gotten lost in the mail.” Gads, ex-boyfriend, all we need. Seriously he just crashed here. Jerk.
  • “Hello Peanut. I heard things didn‟t work out too well last night. Would you like me to draw you some more pictures?” “Please stay away from me Mrs. Cartwright. I‟m still in therapy.”
  • “Okay, Peanut, before you eat, or run off, or disappear, there‟s something I have to do first!”
  • “I have something for you.” “Is it Sweet Potato pie. I love Sweet Potato pie!”
  • “It‟s better than pie. Marry me, Peanut!” *Note Victoria’s face in background, she looks thrilled!
  • “Golly gee, I don‟t know what to do…” Victoria: “If you don‟t put that damn ring on, I‟m kicking your ass! You want a picture of that!”
  • “Wow, I love it. It‟s so pretty!” “Really Peanut! I‟m so glad you said yes.” Victoria: “Well thank the fricking stars that‟s over. I‟m going to rest my bunions.”
  • “Oh I thought for sure you would say no.” “I was just playing hard to get.” Damn, I’ll say. And at no time was he letting go of that mac and cheese. Well played.
  • Edward Tristan: "So do any of you want to bask in my glory.” Heath: “No dude, we just want to eat.”
  • Edward Tristan:“I usually don‟t share this, because it‟s a family secret. But I am a vampire.” Heath: “So am I.” Tristan: “Would any of you like to see me turn into a sugar cookie?”
  • Blake: “Booo, we don’t want to hear any more of your stupid vampire stories!” Tristan: Did I ever tell you about the time I single handily saved eerie park from a horned horse.” Heath: That‟s a unicorn, you idiot. Tell me you didn‟t hurt it.”
  • Tristan: “It fled in terror from my vampire stare.” Laura: “What a ditz. Unicorns run from everyone, you can‟t catch them.” Blake: “You know as a fairy, I am now obligated to kill him. Just saying. You don’t mess with unicorns. Where’s the carving knife?”
  • “I got to go mom, I got a hot date tonight.” “I hope you aren‟t seeing that old Caliente woman still. Geesh Heath. Although I imagine the sex is great which is more than I can say for your sister.”
  • “Arrrgh, mom, how can you keep telling everyone about my sex life!” “You don‟t have a sex life, Audra. What do you mean?” “Shouldn‟t you be dead yet, aren‟t you 114 years old!”
  • Peanut: “Well I believe in waiting till we are truly committed to one another.” Tristan: “That is how I felt about Kirsten…I mean Bella, and then she boinked the director of Snow White. I can‟t escape the tabloids. All the pictures of her rubbing herself all over that old man. I mean who gives me up for that!”
  • Blake: “Hahaha, she porked some old dude over you, and everyone knows it. Loser! Type cast actor! Lost his girlfriend to an old, lame director.” “Man, no one told me how mean you little fairies are. I thought you guys were just a bunch of wimpy freaks with your little wings and glittery dust.”
  • “Excuse me, who you calling wimpy, douche bag!!! I will kick your sugar coated vampire butt any day. I am a bad ass bitch.”
  • “All I know is these mooches are going to leave me with a lot of dirty dishes to clean up. Nobody ever stays to wash the dishes.” Like this thought hasn’t crossed a few Thanksgiving tables.
  • Every Thanksgiving needs at least one bad family photo.
  • We were lucky and got two. Nice pose, Laura.
  • “Listen, Peanut, let‟s just get married now. We have the family here.” We have the option, that may NEVER happen again.
  • Hot Damn, finally a wedding! Not that any of the guests seemed very interested except for Victoria. Oh maybe she was just waiting for him to say no so she could personally kick his ass.
  • “Yeah, well there ain‟t a baby yet. Maybe I should draw him another picture.” NO Victoria, no more pictures.
  • Peanut wasn‟t the only one with reservations. This is Audra‟s expression when I told her to go “relax” with Peanut. And I think her nose changes like Pinocchio. Cool.
  • “So, what should we do now…” I am almost afraid to hit the try-for-baby option.
  • “Well that wasn‟t anything like those awful drawings. Let‟s try again!” Yeah, 5 tries later… and finally a lullaby!
  • Oh, is that leftover shrimp not tasting so good…
  • Victoria‟s off for a gallop, she‟s 116 years old. Has anyone had a sim live that long? Just wondering.
  • Oh my gosh, fire, Peanut, there‟s a fire!” “Uh, I don‟t see no fire. Is this a symptom of pregnancy?” Maybe she’s having hot flashes, wait, isn’t that menopause?
  • Audra: “Fire, everywhere, call the firefighters!” Victoria: “Oh it burns, it burns!” Peanut” “You women are crazy, I don‟t see any fire.”
  • I can‟t find any fire, but know how glitches can wipe out a family, I have them call the fire department and wait outside. Because I know how this crap plays out.
  • “Make way, make way, Sim City Fire Department here. We heard you have a horrible fire. What‟s this? A casualty on the porch? Initiate CPR immediately!”
  • Victoria: “Nah, that just my cowardly son in law passed out. He‟s scared of the invisible fire.” Firefighter: “Invisible fire, why those are the worse kind. Quick, bring the invisible water.”
  • What the…???
  • “MY house, what happened?” “As far as we can figure madam, the woodstove you deleted to make room for the dining table is actually still here and caused an invisible fire. Well, we‟re done here. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.”
  • “We have more problems. These guys are glitched, they can‟t leave.” Okay so technically I should have left them die in my dining room, but they‟re firefighters. That‟s like killing super heroes. Even I have standards. So I had to cheat and reset sims. Sue me. I cheated, I admit it.
  • Really Ramie. Like the dining room doesn‟t have enough problems.
  • Great, booze up while you’re pregnant. Nice call, Audra. “Last night was rough.” Touche’.
  • Seriously, another “invisible” fire. Fortunately the male maid did put out. At least I assume he did. But I can‟t see it to tell. Thanks EA. This is so much fun. Good job, Mr. Handy Maid, there will be a bonus in the mail… NOT. That fireplace is going bye bye. Unfortunately I didn‟t realize it was an ongoing problem till 3 fires and a whole lotta furniture later.
  • “Wow, this is so cool. If the house keeps burning down, pretty soon we‟ll have a brand new house!”
  • “Gosh, I can‟t wait for another fire! I hope our bedroom burns down” “Peanut, you‟re a roadie, we don‟t have any money. We can‟t afford another bed.”
  • “Maybe I‟ll get a pool table.” Peanut, you are so pissing me off!
  • “Hmmm, I suddenly feel light and fluffy.”
  • “You are not escaping me again, Madam.” “Oh fine, I want to be with Angel and Bobo anyway.”
  • “No, mom, you can‟t go. I haven‟t even had my baby yet.” “It‟s okay Audra, at least now you are having a baby, although why you had to wait so damn long is beyond me. Take care and have lots of little ugly rug rats for me. And tell Peanut to get a promotion already. What a loser.”
  • “It‟s okay baby, you still have me…” Yes, such a prize you are, Way to get over your mother, Audra. Grief sex.
  • “Oww, I think we have to hold off on that thought, Peanut. I‟m having the baby!” And looks like labor just killed the mood.
  • Audra was thrilled with the delivery of her firstborn son. See that face. This time the old western naming theme is Gunsmoke, meet Matt (named for the famous Marshall Dillon). Matt loves the heat but hates the outdoors. That does not sound like Matt Dillon.
  • This is just a nifty gnome I had to take a picture of. I think it‟s for Trick or Treating. Or maybe because Victoria is such a witch. I like to think the latter.
  • Shower sex in the sims 3 is very disturbing. It looks terribly painful and anatomically incorrect. Like something Victoria would draw pictures of. Anyway, baby 2 is already on the way.
  • “Arrrgh, kids are so annoying! All they do is want, want, want!” Audra is having a few issues adjusting to motherhood. A bit of postpartum psychosis with a cherry on top. And another brat on the way. Life is good.
  • Glazed over and unfeeling, Audra rocks her baby. She looks like a „News at Eleven‟ story about to unravel.
  • And who should show up but Peanuts crazy ass mother. “Oh, hi Anne. Nice of you to drop by since your grandson was born 6 months ago. Would you like to hold him, make a memory?”
  • “I would love to, but my bladder incontinence is flaring up again. OH dear, I don‟t think I can make the bathroom.” “Please don‟t piss on my floor, lady. I‟m exhausted and starving, and your piss puddle is the last thing I need right now.”
  • “Dear me, well I need a shower now. See you later.” “Thanks, thanks for that. Pee on the pregnant woman‟s floor and split.”
  • “Damn relatives. What?! You never used a mop, lady?! That‟s it. I don‟t care if Peanut is just a roadie right now, I‟m hiring a maid.”
  • Poor maid. Her first day was so traumatic. “OH my Gawd, they didn‟t put this in the job description, I ain‟t birthing no babies. Don‟t you pop that thing out at me.” “Relax lady, I have no intentions of delivering a baby here. There‟s these things called hospitals.”
  • “Don‟t worry Audra. I‟m on my way.” *Note to self, it may be time to buy Peanut a car.
  • Baby # 2 is a girl, meet Kitty (For Kitty the Saloon girlfriend of Matt Dillon). Kitty is a brave, couch potato. Well that sounds like a saloon girl. Behind her, Peanut racks up some happy points and already both him and Audra want another baby. Well I shall make their dreams come true! Closet family sims, my favorite.
  • But not in this episode, cause I‟m running out of room. Hey! There‟s the Grim Reapers robe! Some kid took it for his snowman! Till next time, have a Happy Thanksgiving!