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Fostering Children Mindfully
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  • Time In / Rupture and RepairMarked and Contingent

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  • 1. Fostering Children With Mindfulness Cameron Aggs cameron@bemindful.com.au Director, Mindfulness Training Australia Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | MiT - Mindfulness Informed Therapy Sponsored by The Belfast Trust
  • 2. Aims....  Theory: To present an overview of mindfulness and attachment theory that allows you to develop your understanding of they apply to fostering children  Experiential: To provide a space for you to experience mindful state of consciousness, and to give you techniques to help you get back there.  Tomorrow: To provide exercises to get you forming new habits.. Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 3. Methods  Powerpoints  COS Worksheets  Video  Brief Meditations  Participation in brief meditations is voluntary Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 4. Attachment theory  What is it?  Rupture and repair  Tracking: The Circle of Security  Marked and Contingent Communication  Parenting: 25 Words or Less Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 5. Mindfulness  What is it?  How does it enhance parenting  Identifying and working through difficult emotions  Using your faculty of attention and your willingness „feel into‟ experience as your best weapons.  Staying loose and „psychology flexible‟ Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 6. „Loose‟ with what? What are some of the key challenges of Fostering? Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 7. Question No 1. Who among us can evoke a peaceful state of mind at will? Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 8. “3Rs” Practice: Achieving Peace of Mind  Release the mind from „too much thinking‟ and/or the struggle against „what is‟.  Relax the body, notice your breathing.  Return to (a state of being in) this moment; where you have all the resources you need. Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 9. Mindfulness as a State of Presence Mindfulness is an active state of returning towards presence (Has at least) 3 Qualities  Light: As in buoyant in the Mind  Unencumbered by past and future and fixation  Relaxed: As in soft in the body  Particularly the belly, chest, shoulders, jaw  Grounded as in the bum in the chair and the feet on the floor  Mind „riding‟ the breath Light. Relaxed. Grounded. Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 10. 4Breaths Technique Coming into a state of presence:  Lightly, mindfully watching the breath  Coordinating with the fingers: Motor- movement  Rounds of 4 “These 4-Breaths are Mine” Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 11. Central Concepts of Mindfulness  Internal experiences are transient and in constant change  Thoughts and emotions are not facts;  Though some are very „sticky‟  They happen within a larger context: The Space of the Mind  The unavoidable nature of pain Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 12. The „Not-So‟ Magical Formula PAIN + NON ACCEPTANCE = SUFFERING Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 13. Quick Tips to Enhance Your Suffering When we fixate on the 3U events – We suffer When we personalise our struggles – We suffer When we catastrophise our present circumstance – We suffer When we presume when the 3U events are „unfair‟ – we suffer Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 14. We must learn to let it flow… Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 15. Is this true…? “The mind if not stirred, will become clear” -Sogyal Rinpoche Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 16. 2-Step process  Before „Letting-flow‟, we must chart the course of this stream. We must know its texture…. The feelings, the pain of it, the impact. We must learn how to make a space for it as it is. = Acceptance Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 17. Acceptance It‟s an intentional activity… Saying “Yes” to experience - Tara Brach “It‟s already here…. Let me feel it” -John Kabat-Zinn Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 18. Putting it into words…  Holding our own experience in Mind  Compassion and non-judgment as the anesthetic  Reporting on the facts  SIFT  3-Minute Breathing Space Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 19. Mindfulness and Attachment  Developing a secure relationship with ourselves  Passing on secure states on to children  Foster children don‟t neccisarily see you as an attachment figure Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 20. Attachment Behaviour  “Attachment behaviour is any form of behaviour that results in a person attaining or maintaining proximity to some other clearly defined individual who is conceived as better able to cope with the world. It is most obvious whenever the person is frightened, fatigued, or sick, and is assuaged by comforting and caregiving.” - Bowlby, 1988 Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 21. Biological Imperative  Proximity Maintenance: The child strives to stay near the caregiver, thus keeping the child safe.  Secure Base: The caregiver provides a secure and dependable base for the child to explore the world.  Safe Haven: When the child feels threatened or afraid, he or she can return to the caregiver for comfort and soothing. Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 22. Carer responsiveness  Children learn to behave in ways to elicit a carer response  The level and quality of this response is a major factor in a child‟s attachment to a carer  Different levels of responsiveness result in different styles of attachment - categorised as secure, anxious resistant, avoidant or disorganised-disorientated Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 23. Impact of Empathic Failure “Whatever she fails to recognize in him he is likely to fail to recognize in himself. In this way, it is thought that major parts of a child‟s developing personality can become split off from those parts of his personality that his mother recognizes and responds to, which in some cases include features of personality that she is attributing to him wrongly.” - Bowlby (1988) p.132 Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 24. Tracking the Child  Magic Question: What does my child need from me now?  Support My Exploration (top half)  Support My Refueling (bottom hlaf  Reflective Functioning: What are you most comfortable with? Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 25. Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 26. Rupture and Repair  Time-In / Time Apart  The importance of space… Cool processing  The ability to acknowledge and contain our own hurt feelings  The ability to help the child think through (reflect) and make sense of their experience  When I said Z… did you think X and so you did Y? Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 27. Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 28. Marked and Contingent Communication  Transmission of secure states of mind  Communicates both „coping‟ and „understanding‟  When it comes to emotions: A child gets to know their own mind through having their experience „digested‟ or „processed‟ in our mind first… Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 29. Mindfulness and Attachment Revisited  Attachment = What Skill  Mindfulness = How Skill  Attachment = Tracking Child  Mindfulness = Tracking Self  Attachment = Importance of reading cues  Mindfulness = Importance of staying „relaxed and present Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 30. The Three Rs of Mindfulness  Release the mind from „too much thinking‟ and/or the struggle against „what is‟.  Relax the body, notice your breathing.  Return to this moment; where you have all the resources you need… Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 31. Accessing Resources  Password Resources: See feedback form  3R‟s Meditation: http://bemindful.com.au/general/download/  Youtube: „Hidden Holding / Always Held‟  Youtube: 3 Minute Breathing Space  Youtube: Rest In Natural Great Peace Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au
  • 32. Thank You! More information at www.bemindful.com.au Email me: cam@bemindful.com.au Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au