UNIVERSIDAD JUÁREZ DEL ESTADO DE DURANGO CENTRO UNIVERSITARIO DE AUTO-APRENDIZAJE DE LENGUAS Adolescent Development 3rd SEMESTER AUGUST-DECEMBER 2010 Teacher; Roxana Cano Student; Estefania Arreola Meraz
Getting a Good RelationshipDo you have a good relationship with your love? Are you sure? Why?Sometimes it feels impossible to find someone whos right for you — and who thinks youre right for himor her! And many times we feel like we are in love and we do not see the bad side of that person. Tohave a good relationship is possible but it depends of you.What makes a healthy relationship? ● Mutual respect.Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is. When someone really lovesyou, is going to accept you as you are, no matter what. And even when there are things that you need tochange, he or she has to know how to ask you for a change. ● Trust.Its OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. Theres no way you can havea healthy relationship if you dont trust each other. Think twice, if your BF or GF is with you, is becauseyou are the only one for him or her. And if you do not have reasons to be jealous, stay cool. Do notwaste your time being jealous and fighting with your love. ● Honesty.This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because its tough to trust someone when one of you isnt beinghonest. To be honest is essential in a relationship. If you want to hear always the true, you have to startfor say it first. ● Support.Its not just in bad times that your partner should support you. When it is real love, both of you are goingto feel it as in bad times as in good times. ● Fairness/equality.You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Youll know if it isnt a pretty fair balance.Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting toget his or her way all the time. The relationship is from both of you. If you do something wrong, acceptit, and if your BF or GF does something wrong, remember that no one is perfect and that you can alsomake mistakes. ● Separate identities.
In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesnt mean you shouldfeel like youre losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives(families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldnt change. Neither of you should have topretend to like something you dont, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love.And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, andmoving forward. There is time for everything; family, friends, love, work, school. Be patient and learnhow to organize your time. ● Good communication.Youve probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women dont seem to speak the same language.Its important to ask if youre not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that themiscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because youre afraid itsnot what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need sometime to think something through before youre ready to talk about it, the right person will give you somespace to do that if you ask for it.Whats an Unhealthy Relationship?A relationship is unhealthy when it involves disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Meanwhile,even though you might feel bad for someone whos been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself— its not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind. Someone whoreally loves you will never try to hurt you.Warning SignsWhen a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, gets physical violence by hitting or slapping, or forcessomeone into sexual activity, its an important warning sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend: ● Get angry when I dont drop everything for him or her? ● Criticize the way I look or dress, and say Ill never be able to find anyone else who would date me? ● Want me to quit an activity, even though I love it? ● Ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me? ● Try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?If you can think of any way in which your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, make you feelbad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or harm you physically or sexually, then itstime to get out, fast.
TIP´SHow to have a good relationship with your love?Every morning make a conscious commitment to eliminate blame, criticism, and invalidation from yourside of the relationship. If it leaks out, acknowledge it, and apologize to your partner.Pay attention to and express appreciation for positive things your partner says or does--no matter howsmall!Ask your partner to write down what makes him/her feel loved and special. Do the same for yourself.Exchange lists. Then, every day, no matter how you feel about him or her, do one loving/caring behaviorfor your partner!Honestly look at the things YOU do that you know are not helpful to the relationship. If you wantsomething different, you need to do something different!Ask very specifically for what you need and say why it is important to you. Your partner cannot readyour mind.Learn new skills that make communication safe and effective for both of you.Most relationships can be saved and transformed, and getting rid of the partner does not get rid ofthe problem!You can create the relationship you want.