Owen Presentation Corrected

An Education Beyond the Classroom: Excelling in the Realm of Horizontal Academics Karen F. Owen Senior Honors Thesis Duke University Submitted to the Department of Late-Night Entertainment in partial fulfillment of the requirements for a Degree in Tempestuous Frolicking (D.T.F.) May, 2010

This presentation details my retribution and reports its results
Background
Participants and Results Analysis and Conclusions

In this study, I slept with a lot of people for science
This study is designed to illustrate the objectification of women by objectifying men.
Let’s see how you like it when the shoe is on the other foot!
http://www.self.com/images/health/2009/08/sex-pyramid-hear296.jpg

Participants were rated on a number of criterion
Several metrics were selected to best assess overall performance and satisfaction.
Selected Metrics:
Penis size
Stamina
Basics of pleasing a woman
Creativity in the bedroom
Called the next day
An overall “love making GPA” was based on the rating in each category. http://www.twenty20creative.com/projects/msresearch/design_assets/Photos/science%20lab%20woman.jpg

Participants were selected through a rigorous vetting process
I became intoxicated at Shooters and slept with whomever was willing to drive me to his place.
Thirteen subjects were selected over a period of four weeks.
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42831000/jpg/_42831827_men_pa416.jpg

Subject 1: Mark McMahon
He drove us to his apartment in a very nice BMW his parent’s bought him. I ruined the interior of his BMW with regurgitated vodka and cranberry juice. He understood the basics, but overall fairly boring.
Penis size: 6” Stamina: 6/10 Basics: 7/10 http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/2008/sioncampus/05/12/deans.list/p1_dukelazx.jpg Creativity: 2/10 Called the next day: No Overall Rating: C

Subject 2: James “Big Daddy” Martin
He bragged most of the night about the size of his penis. He insisted on being called “Big Daddy” during intercourse. Stereotypes discredited on this night.
http://www.nysun.com/pics/3802.jpg Penis size: 4.25” Stamina: 4/10 Basics: 3/10 Creativity: 3/10 Called the next day: No; texts do not count Overall Rating: D +

Subject 3: Tiffany Greene
This was the result of a dare and some Natty Light at the ΑΣΠ tailgate. Intercourse was amazing.
Further study may be needed.
Penis size: N.A. Stamina: 7/10 Basics: 9/10 Creativity: 9/10 Called the next day: No Overall Rating: A - http://media.photobucket.com/image/duke%20cheerleaders/wteach/pictorials/Cheerleaders/duke-cheerleaders1.jpg

Subject 4: Coach Cutcliffe
He bragged most of the night about the size of his penis. Rumors proven correct! He had to take a break to catch his breath and make a sandwich.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3053/3051864028_900bbf423d_b.jpg Penis size: 8.25” Stamina: 2/10 Basics: 8/10 Creativity: 7/10 Called the next day: Yes Overall Rating: B +

Subjects 5-9: Mike, Jacob, Neil, Jim, and Some Guy
The idea of this event was suggested to me during my ninth round of José Cuervo. Small red spots appeared in my vaginal area shortly after the event. The tests have not yet returned.
Penis size: 5.5” (average) Stamina: 6/10 (average) Basics: 8/10 (average) Creativity: 7/10 (average) Called the next day: None of them (pigs!) Overall Rating: B http://collegebaseball360.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/KXUPEYTWFKKUYOP.201004112042301.jpg

Subjects 10-12: Forgotten
I became black out drunk and forgot their names. Fairly average from what little I remember. I regret not using a log book.
Penis size: ??? Stamina: ??? Basics: ??? Creativity: ??? Called the next day: No (… maybe that is what that strange text was about.) Overall Rating: C + http://climate.nasa.gov/kids/images/Kid_question.jpg

Subject 13: Bryan Fantana
He used his ray gun to cure my vaginal bumps. Fantana is an amazing lover and a great snuggler! He insisted on wearing the cape during intercourse.
Penis size: 7.25” Stamina: 9/10 Basics: 10/10 Creativity: 34/10 Called the next day: Wrote “I miss you” on lunar LED sign Overall Rating: FANTANA (too amazing; A-F not applicable)

Analysis reveals Fantana is clearly the superior lover Bryan Fantana was the best overall lover. Coach Cutcliffe had excellent penile length, but his lack of stamina hurt his performance.

My act of sexual payback has avenged women everywhere Men are pigs who objectify women. My experiment in humiliation has shown these men the error of their ways. To the men out there, what goes around comes around! http://www.nowthatshumor.com/images/1752.jpg

In conclusion, attractive women should have sex with Bryan Fantana This study showed girls rule while boys droll. If you are a hot female, you should make nasty with Bryan Fantana. Science confirms this. Please Bryan, if you are not too busy saving the babies from Moon vipers, call me! Questions?

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Owen Presentation Corrected

by Bryan Fantana on Jan 25, 2011

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