A descriptive writing sample done for moderation.

1. Creative Writing
15/6/10
WALT: Write descriptively
Red = The spelling mistakes I’ve fixed up.
John, The Vegetarian Hawk
The Hawk approached the fish, it’s eyes black as night, his figure clear in the grey
water. Destined to kill. His talons stretched out. The soft white feathers on this head
stood up - he knew he was ready. Everything happened so fast, the crash, the fish, his
body getting soaked with a sticky salty mess. He was done. He was absolutely, damn
well finished with being a filthy, horrible meat eater that depended on the innocent
little fish that did absolutely nothing wrong.
He was going to be a vegetarian.
He pictured in his mind... John, the vegetarian. The words rang through him like a
phone. His mind was spiraling into a hole of thought. He felt as if he was opening a
door, doing a favor. Because he actually, physically, felt the terror of the fish. He
could hear his heart pounding, so loud that the tiny little creatures on the ocean floor
could hear it. In a few agonizing moments he realized how hard this would be, how
painful it would be. But he felt strongly, deep in his heart, that he could, and he
would, be the first Hawk of all time to be a vegetarian.
And so he did.
By Bella
This is fabulous writing Bella. Your description is great and your structure is well set
out and planned. 5B - my first year 7 at level 5 ! :)