Lesson 7 Conflict Resolution

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  • The phrase “fight like cats and dogs”, indicates that in general, dogs and cats  are deemed mortal enemies.  However, given the right conditions, even dogs and cats can foster a good relationship.
  • Conflict ResolutionSticks and stonesmay break my bonesBut words willnever hurt me.CLICK -- NEXT SLIDE---
  • NOT TRUE!
  • Conflict in your relationship must be managed, not completely suppressed.Flexible couples are;Creative in problem solvingWilling to compromiseAre adaptableAble to change when the situation calls for it When these attributes exist, Stepfamily couples have the ability to find solutions to complex problems.'
  • Healthy Couples91 % resolve problems. Over time they weed out unhealthy parts of their relationship by dealing with issues.Unhealthy Couples84% are unable to resolve problems. By avoiding conflict they stockpile debris in their relationship.HC 95% feel understood during problem discussion.They have good listening skills and affirm each other.UC 62% don't feel heard by their partner.The end result is feeling disconnected.Fears of another relationship breakup become more real.HC 79% are able to keep small disagreements small.UC 83% turn molehills into mountains.HC 74% have unity in the process by which they tackle disagreements.UC 86% can't even agree on how to disagree.HC 90% give serious consideration to disagreement and the need to resolve issues.UC 44% overlook or invalidate the other's concerns.They don't see the potential hazards of allowing debris to build up.
  • Avoid the Fireplace!
  •  1. Heat-- issue that describes couples disagreements2. Fuel – Process how couple interacts3. Oxygen – Each person's negative feelings that drive how they respond to each other.Two common ways we ineffectively deal with conflictBlame the other personality Bring up old issues
  • Area of ConcernIssuesConstructive Approach Raises and clarifies issuesDestructive Approach Brings up old issuesFeelingsConstructive Approach Expresses both positive and negative feelingsDestructive Approach Expresses only negative feelingsInformationConstructive Approach Gives complete and honest informationDestructive Approach Offers only select informationFocusConstructive Approach Concentrates on the issue rather than the personDestructive Approach Concentrates on the person rather than the IssueBlameConstructive Approach Accepts mutual blameConstructive Approach Blames the other person for the problem
  • Lesson 7 Conflict Resolution

    1. 1. Sticks and stonesmay break my bones But words will never hurt me.
    2. 2. Sticks and stonesmay break my bones But words will never hurt me.
    3. 3. Conflict in your relationship must be managed, not completely suppressed. Flexible couples are; Creative in problem solving Willing to compromise Adaptable Able to change when the situation calls for itWhen these attributes exist, Stepfamily couples have the ability to find solutions to complex problems.
    4. 4. Healthy Couples Unhealthy Couples91 % resolve problems. 84% are unable to resolve problems.Over time they weed out unhealthy By avoiding conflict they stockpilerelationship issues. debris in their relationship.95% feel understood during problem 62% dont feel heard by their partner.discussion. They have good listening The end result is feelingskills and affirm each other. disconnected . Fears of another relationship breakup are real.79% are able to keep small 83% turn molehills into mountains.disagreements small.74% have unity in the process by 86% cant even agree on how towhich they tackle disagreements. disagree.90% give serious consideration to 44% overlook or invalidate othersdisagreement and the need to resolve concerns. They dont see the potentialissues. hazards of allowing build up.
    5. 5. 1. Heat– issue 2. Fuel – Process 3. Oxygen –negative feelingsTwo common ways we ineffectively deal with conflict 1. Blame the other personality 2. Bring up old issues
    6. 6. Area of Concern Constructive Approach Destructive ApproachIssues Raises and clarifies issues Brings up old issuesFeelings Expresses both positive and Expresses only negative negative feelings feelingsInformation Gives complete and honest Offers only select information informationFocus Concentrates on the issue Concentrates on the rather than the person person rather than the IssueBlame Accepts mutual blame Blames the other person for the problem
    7. 7. Area of Concern Constructive Approach Destructive ApproachPerception Focuses on similarities Focuses on differencesChange Facilitates change to Minimizes change, prevent stagnation increasing conflictOutcome Recognizes that both win Fails to recognize that when one wins and one loses, both loseIntimacy Increases intimacy by Decreases intimacy by resolving conflict escalating conflictAttitude Builds trust Creates suspicionOverall Humility Prideful, self-focusedPosture
    8. 8. Graphics, desktop publishing, sequencing and editing my OCOI Studios Xhilliwhack, BC OCOI.Studios@gmail.com Cartoons permission by cartoonstock.com Tables and graphs courtesy of Baker Publishing group

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