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Lesson 6 Communication NOTES

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Lesson 6 Communication NOTES Lesson 6 Communication NOTES Document Transcript

  • Analysis of Ordering from a Tim Horton’s drive thru is the most basic and simpleway to demonstrate good communication:i.e.:Incomplete Data: “I’d like a double double and a chocolate glazed donut”Incomplete Feedback: “coffee with a double cream, double sugar. what size?Additional Data: “a medium, please”Feedback “ A double double medium coffee and a chocolate donut?”Clarifying data: “NO, a LATTE and a chocolate GLAZED donut!”Clarifying Feedback: “a double double medium Latte and a chocolate glazed donut?”Confirming data: “Yes, that is correct”Conclusions: “that will be Three dollars and sixty nine cents, please”NO name calling or sarcastic remarks! How many marriages would be saved and howmany children would be spared the trauma of being cut off from a parent if onlycouples used the simple techniques of communication used at a Tim Horton’sdrivethru? 1
  • Strengths of Happy vs Unhappy Couples Regarding Communication p 142Percentage in AgreementCommunication IssueMy partner understands how I feel.93%HC 21% UCMy partner makes comments that put me down.8% HC 64% UCI am very satisfied with how my partner and I talk with each other.97% HC 45% UC4I feel good about how much my partner shares his/her feelings with me.72% HC 15% UC5When we are having a problem, my partner often refuses to talk about it.17% HC 74% UC 2
  • Three common styles of CommunicationPassive-- unwilling to honestly show thoughts, feelings, or desiresAggressive—characterized by blaming and accusatory actions: “You Always” “YouNever”Assertive: Expressions in Healthy, non-defensive and non-insistent ways Askingclearly what we want: being positive and respectful 3
  • Stepmom -- “I would like to spend more time with the children.””Stepdad -- “Perhaps you could spend one evening alone with them and I can worklate at the office.”This encourages the partner to respond positively and assertively. 4
  • Communication requires Nurturing and AttentionTry to set aside 5 – 10 minutes daily and 15-20 minutes on weekends to sharethoughts and feelings about your day, work, stresses and life together.Use “I” statements avoid “YOU” statements 5
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  • Suggestions for Improving CommunicationHere’s Howto Focus on the good in each otherPraise each other oftenTake time to listen to understand, not to judge :Reflect before countering.Be assertive (using “I” statements rather than “You” statements) No guessing games!Give your relationship the importance and attention you did when you first met.REMEMBER: God made you with TWO ears and ONE mouth for a reason! (to listentwice as much as speak) 7
  • How many barmaids have heard a man complain that his wife doesn’t understandhim?Finally, here is an honest barmaid!“Maybe your wife doesn’t understand you because you don’t make any sense!” 8
  • Conflict ResolutionSticks and stonesmay break my bonesBut words willnever hurt me.NOT TRUE! 9
  • Conflict ResolutionSticks and stonesmay break my bonesBut words willnever hurt me.NOT TRUE! 10
  • A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse A small rudder on a huge shipin the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds Aword out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearlyanything—or destroy it!It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire A careless or wrongly placedword out of your mouth can do that By our speech we can ruin the world, turnharmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smokeand go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.James 3:5-6 (The Message by Eugene Peterson) 11