Lesson 2 What is our Potential?Presentation Transcript
Five types of Married Couples 90 80 70 60Axis Title 50 Vitalized 40 Harmonious 30 Conventional 20 Conflicted 10 Devitalized 0
1. VitalizedSTRENGTHS Many very high scores. Very high couple agreement and happiness. Strong “internal” dynamics. Strong “external” dynamicsKEY GROWTH DIMENSIONS/CAUTIONS Not slipping into complacency. Not taking each other for granted.
2. HarmoniousSTRENGTHS High couple agreement and happiness with many aspects of the marriage Strong “internal dynamics” related to shared leisure time, communication, and sexuality.KEY GROWTH DIMENSIONS/CAUTIONS Solid base, but needs pro-activity. Parenting Stress.
3. ConventionalSTRENGTHS Moderate scores across most areas. Strong aspects include role definitions and spiritual convictions.KEY GROWTH DIMENSIONS/CAUTIONS Critical “internal” skills like communication and conflict resolution need attention. Emotional closeness and intimacy may be lacking. Give more attention to the couple relationship and a little less to children, friends, and extended family..
4. ConflictedSTRENGTHS Strongest areas are roles and spirituality.KEY GROWTH DIMENSIONS/CAUTIONS Because "internal" skills like communication and conflict resolution are lacking, cooperation, closeness, and handling clashes in personality will be difficult. Attention must be given to key areas like communication and conflict
5. DevitalizedSTRENGTHS Mainly growth areas. Few couple strengths exist. Any existing moderate strengths should be improved first.KEY GROWTH DIMENSIONS/CAUTIONS Focus on any positive behaviors of your partner and praise them. Take time to talk and try to resolve current issues. If no improvement, seek marital therapy. Couple therapy intensives can be found at www.SuccessfulStepfamilies.com.
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Disconnected Unbalanced system High separateness Somewhat BalancedConnected system More separate than together Balanced Connected equal separate & system together Balanced Very connected More together than system separateOverly Connected Unbalanced System Very high together
Inflexible Unbalanced system Very little change Somewhat BalancedInflexible system Some change Flexible Balanced System Moderate change Very Flexible Balanced System considerable change Overly Flexible Unbalanced System A lot of change
HAPPY COUPLES UNHAPPY COUPLESCreative in how they handle differences Have a rigid mentality to problem(80%) and are open to exploring new solving and get stuck. (72%)solutions with each other.Compromise and seek win-win Seek to personally win and may fearsolutions; they consider the others giving the other too much control.opinions and are open to being (48%)influenced by the other. (96%)Work together to organize their daily Cannot seem to get organized. (61%)life, schedule, and household. (84%)Work as a team to make decisions; they Make most decisions independentlyseek unity in leading their household. of the other. (41 %)(96%)Are humble and willing to change Find change difficult only onewhen necessary. (94%) person is willing to adapt (44%)
1. Getting married and creating a stepfamily might be stressful, but whats the problem? Dating is so comfortable – marriage is real life Stress in step families is double that of first marriages Instant children add new stress2. If we love each other, the children will follow close behind: Some children welcome new family: some don„t Parents need to accept and respect children as they are.
3. Outside forces won’t divide us if we are in love. 50% of unhappy step parents Jealous of children 82% of High quality couple relationships felt secure when their partner was with his or her children.4. Emotional resolution of Previous losses and Painful relationship. “Moving on” doesnt mean ignoring old baggage Before marriage he told me what was wrong with his first wife. After the wedding, he compared me to what she did right! 63% of step couples fear another breakup 58% have not worked through all the old hurts
Feelings of:1. Jealousy (fear of being replaced)2. Suspicion – Having trouble believing your partner3. Worry – How your mates previous sexual experiences compares to yours4. Fear – afraid of another relationship breakup.Predict with a 93% degree of accuracy as to our ability to have a High or Low quality Step couple relationship.
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