Bohemian grove special spy magazine (november-1989)

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Bohemian grove special spy magazine (november-1989)

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Bohemian grove special spy magazine (november-1989)

  1. 1. U.S. $2.55 CAN. $195 (Ji £2.50 iSPY GOES UNDERCOVER IITN NENRY KISSINGER, ,>;ERV GRIFFIN, /ItiIAM F. BUCKLEY JR. AND MZLCOIM FORBES A AT BOHEMIAN GROVE-TilE ESTABLISHMENT'S SECREI TWO-WEEK FRAI PARTY pLtI RONALD REAGAN: ULTRA-EXCLUSIVE SPY INTERVIEW HERMITS' HERMITS DAVIII MAMETIIION, IIflOAD WAY THE HOME VESTQN r--- BONbS NOSTALGIC KEEPSAKE! FACSIMILE EDITION OF OUR 1964 DEBUT ISSUE: THE BEATLES, THE WORLD'S FAIR, JFK . AND MORE... i:í. u_i
  2. 2. I 1r-:- < Êçtz 4f T;c:' , ,'. ? ç,, k . L ) )f_,±ffT(Ç::-;f/: ¿J4t s lilt L Utz,L.Ji J&wr4d/ ,Ç#__¿ *f '7J' . ''Ñ - ''pj,- . _
  3. 3. r I.14_r -N-P--I LJi%iU%/ ' 4 uy 1111 1 0 WI! t MONTE RIO IS A DEPRESSED NORTHERN CALIFORNIA TOWN OF 900 Ii I I II li I fl L ii where the forest is so thick that some streetlights stay on all day long. Its only landmark MY TH RE E WE E KS a kick-ass bar called the Pink Elephant, but a half-mile or so away from 'the Pink' in the middle of a redwood grove, there is, strangely enough, a bank of 16 pay tele- OF MALE BOND- phones. In midsummer the phones are often crowded. Onjuly 21 ofthis year Henry I N G A N D F U N N Y Kissinger sat at one ofthem, chuffing loudly to someone Sunshine, he called her, and COCKTAILS WITH Sweetieabout the pleasant distractions ofhis vacation in the forest. "We had jazz concert,' Kissinger said. "We had rope trick. This morning we went HENRY KISSINGER bird-watching." W I L L I A M F . Proudly Kissinger reeled offthe names ofsome ofhis fellow campers: "Nick Brady BUCKLEY, HENRY and his brother is here." Brady is the U.S. Treasury Secretary. 'TomJohnson is here." KRAVIS AND RONALD REAGAN AT THE MOST EXCLUSIVE FRAT PARTY ON EARTH OVEMflFR 989 SPY 59
  4. 4. Tixiugh :rnpuls r#/j in Bohemia, aJEfV afluent redunodi are off- /17711tJCVefl to headc nj nate. WORE BRIGHT RED, BLUE AND ORANGE HOODED ROBES THAT MIGHT The then-pub- usher ofthe Los Angeles Times, who had cop- I les ofhis news- paper shipped up every day. That Indian is here. Bajpai.' Shankar Bajpai, former ambas- sador to the U.S. "Today they had a Russian' The Russian was the physicist Roald Sag. deyev, a member ofthe Soviet Supreme Council ofPeople's Deputies, who had given a speech to Kissinger and many other powerful men too. George Shultz, the former secretary of State, wearing hiking boots, had listened while sitting under a tree. Kissinger had lolled on the ground, distributing mown grass clippings across his white shirt, being care- ful not to set his elbow on one of the cigar butts squashed in the grass, and joking with a wiry, nut- brown companion. The woman on the line now asked about the friend. "Oh, Rocard is having a ball." Kissinger was sharing his tur- tleneck with Rocard, for nights amid the redwoods grew surpris- ingly cool. The two of them were camping in Mandalay, the most exclusive bunksite in the encamp- ment, the one on the hill with the tiny cable car that carries visitors up to the compound. Meanwhile, Every summer for more than a century, the all-male Bohemian Club of San Francisco has led a retreat into a redwood forest 70 miles north of the city, four and a quarter square miles of rugged, majestic terrain that members consider sacred. The religion they consecrate is right-wing, laissez-faire and quintessentially western, with some Druid tree worship thrown in for fun. The often bizarre rites have elevated what vas once a provincial club for San Fran- ciscans embarrassed by the rude manners of the Wild West into the most exclusive club in the United States, with 2,300 members drawn from the whole of the American estab- lishment and a waiting list 33 years long. In the first 50 years ofthc clubs existence the Bohemian Grove i. P. DaIry: an old-tinier enjoying h: o/oit /,alIn:d Boint-mian rig/ni HAVE BEEN DESIGNED FOR THE KU KLUX KLAN BY MARIMEKKO Kissinger had been offering Rocard advice: "I told him, Do anything you want, hide in the bushesjust don't let them see you." Rocard was Michel Rocard, the prime minis- ter ofFrance, and this was a secret trip. No one was supposed to know he was peering up at ospreys and turkey vultures and hearing Soviet speakers along with former American secre- taries of State and the present secretary of the Treasury. And David Rockefeller too. And Dwayne Andreas, the chairman of Archer- Daniels- Midland. Mers' GrifEn. Walter Cronkite. No one was supposed to know that Rocard himselfwould be speaking the next day down at the lake, under the green speakers parasol. As orange dragonflies coupled dazzlingly over the water, as bullfrogs sounded, Rocard would lean forward and say, "Because you are such an as- tonishinggroup ofmen, I can speak privately" It was a devilishly charming thing to sa calculated to flatter the men of the Bohemian G rove. 60 SPY NOVEMBER 1989 was comparatively accessible to outsiders, but in the 1930s, as the club gained influence and its red- woods provided a haven for Republican presidents, it grew quite secretive about its rituals and membershipyou wont even find the Grove on public maps. This has been especially true in the last ten years as Bohemias stunning roster has waxed ever more statusy, as Kissinger and Rockefeller and Nick Brady have joined, drawing the attention of left-wing protesters, scholars of elites, and reporters. The encamp- ment has become the primary watering hole for Republican- administration officials, defense contractors, press barons, old-line Hollywood figures, estab- lishment intellectuals and a handful of German- speaking men in lederhosen. What the Bois de Boulogne was to the ancien régime, the Grove is to America's power class. Ronald Reagan and George Bush are members. So are Gerald Ford and Richard Nixonthough club directors are said to be miffed at Nixon, a longtime Bohe- mian Grover who's still listed as sleeping in Cave Man, one ofthe Grove's 119 curiously and sometimes appropriately named camps. Today the Grove is stocked with Reaganites. Former Defense secretary Caspar W. Wein- berger, former attorney general William French Smith and former Transportation secretary Drew Lewis are all members. At the encamp- ment last July, Al Haig was there, along with three other former secretaries of State: Kis- singer, Shultz and William P Rogers (Rogers as a guest offormer national security adviser Wil- ham P. Clark's).James A. Baker III, the current secretary of State, is also a member, but he
  5. 5. cou!dnt make it this year. The rightwing Hoover Institution at Stanford attended in full force and brought along the presi- dent of Washington's Heritage Foundation. William F. Buck- levJr. and Malcolm Forbes held court. Big business shows up: Thomas Watson Jr. of IBM, billionaire John Kluge of Metromedia. Former Bank of America chairman Samuel Ar- macost brought IBMchairman John E Akers, Bechtel chair- man S. D. BecbtelJr. brought Amoco chairman Richard Mor- row. Noted and hoary writers and personalities are members: Herman Wouk, Art Linkletter, Fred Travalena. Scenting power, press lords skip in from all over the country. Joe Alhritton, former owner of The Washington Star; Charles E. Scripps and J ack Howard ofthe 21-paper Scripps Howard newspaper chain; Otto Silha of Cowles Media; the McClatchys of the McClatchy chain; and David Gergen of US. j'tU;.Ç & World Repürt all obey the Bohemian command of keeping the goings-on from their readers. Every spring for many years no Bohemian Club presidents have formally summoned such men to the Grove with great effusion: Brother Bohemians: The Sim is Once Again in the Clutches ofthe Lion, and the encircling season bids us to theforest there to celebrate. . . the awful nysteries!" ßohemians come! Find home again in the Grove! Burn CAERE andhuirl his ashes, whirling, from our glade! Come out Bohemians! come o/it and play. corne :vith all the buoyant impetuous rush of youth.r' And this year, when president George Elliott wrote, more drably "Around campfires large and small, warm hospitality aivaits you. Of course you must be with ¡us," I heard his summons, too. It was a good time to visit the Grove. The country was still steeped in the aw-shucks au- rhoritarianism ofthe Reagan years, and if there is any place to study the culture of our ruling class, it is here among the Grove's benevolent, string-tie aristocracy. Also, it seemed possible that Ronald Reagan himselfmight make a tri- umphant return to his longtime camp, Owl's Nest. While president he had avoided the Grove, a custom Nixon cemented in 1971 when he canceled a speech planned for the lakeside in the secret encampment after the press insisted on covering it. For me, the trick was getting in. A guest card was out of the question: club bylaws have stated that a member-sponsor's ap- plication "shall be in writing and shall contain full information for the guidance of the Board in determining the merits and qualifications of the proposed guest." No, Section 8, Article XVIII was too fine a screen for me. And my attempts to get a job as a waiter or a valet in one ofthe camps failed, (The only book entirely devotedWJ,r, :h ¿$JaAltJ/),fl Pit °F air: rongh:ng II n: i O- i to Grove life, The Greatest Meni Party on Earth, was written in 1974 by John van der Zee, a San Francisco writer who got in for four days as a waiter.) In the end I entered by stealth. Students ofthe Grove had warned that security was too good; they'd sniff me out quickly. I might last three hours before they put me in the Santa Rosa jail for trespassing. Lowell Bergman, a producer with 60 Minutes who used to hunt rabbits in the nearby hills, remembered a fire road leading into the site near the Guerneville waste-treatment plant but said they'd spot me sneaking in. Others mentioned barbed wire and electronic monitoring devices at places where the Grove abuts Monte Rio, and helicopters patrolling the "ridge roads" that traverse the 1,000-foot hills and form the Grove's perimeter. One day I drove up to the frontgate and got a dauntingglimpse of what looked like the Grove sheriff, a barrel1ike figure in a Smokey the Bear hat. A Berlin-ish set ofchcckpoints seemed to stretch What uv.ii1dSiik*y At i/ a,mialCnwa:ion "Can gmi #n a'ii ai DiiIIJJ andi& cutsük u.r/dgtzi up iz out behind him. But by then I'd made my connection. My driver was Mary Moore, an Earth Mother type with long silvery-blond hair who is the most active member ofa distinctly Californian left-wing group called the Bohemian Grove Action Network. Moore agreed to help me get in, providing me with a sort of under- ground railroad. She put at my service a mountain guide who demanded only that I keep the methods he devised for me con- fidential. He had a keen geographical sense and a girlfriend who described a plan to seed magic crystals at the Grove gates to make them open oftheir own accord so that Native Amen- can drummers could walk in. We didn't do it that way, but it turned out that Grove secu- rity isn't quite what it's reputed to be. Reporters seeking to write about the Grove had rarely been inside, and then usually for only a few hours at a time, but I was determined to have a good, long look, so I took cane to blend. I outfitted myself in conservative recreational weara pressed plaid shirt, Perma- Prest chinos, Top-Siders, a sport jacketI always carried a drink, and I made it a point to have that morning's Wall Street J ouirna/or Nezu' York Times under my arm when I surfaced (though television is against the rules, newspapers are sold at the Grove Civic Center). Thus equipped, I came and went on 7 days dur- NOVEMBER 1989 SPY 61
  6. 6. ing the 16-day encampment, openly trespassing in what is regarded as an impermeable enclave and which the press rou- tinely refers to as a heavily guarded area. Though I regularly violated Grove rule 20 ("Members and guests shall sign the register when arriving at or departing from the Grove"), I was never stopped or questioned. (Another rule forbade cameras outside one's own camp. I waited till my last day to bring one in.) Indeed, I was able to enjoy most pleasures of the Grove, notably the speeches, songs, elaborate drag shows, endless toasts, prebreakfast gin fizzes, round-the-clock "Nembutals' and other drinksthough I didn't sleep in any ofthe camps or swim naked with like-minded Bohemians in the Russian River at night. My imposture included misrepresenting myselfin conversa- tion with other campers, and my story kept changing as I learned more about how life inside was organized. I said I was a guest of Bromley camp, where unsortable visitors end up. At 33, 1 was one ot the youngest Bohemians, but I was welcome almost as a policy matter. "We looked around and saw we were becoming an old-men's club," a member said, explaining recent efforts to recruit fresh blood. Being from New York was fine; the Grove limits retreatguests to out-of-staters (though clamor- ing by well-connected Californians to visit the forest has re- suited in the rise oftheJune 'SpringJinks' weekend). I used my real name. No one inside acted suspicious, but paranoia about the Grove seemed justified, and I brought along my own version of cyanide: Interol, a tranquilizer used by actors to counteract stage fright. One day a member asked if I was re- lated to a Bohemian namedjack Weiss. "No, but l've heard a lot about him and I'd like to meet him.' "You can't," he said. 'Hes dead." After that I began working a dead West Coast rda- tive's promise to have me out to the Grove one summer into a shaggy.dog story about my invitation. In this way I managed to drop in on the principal events of . . the encampment right up to theHeigb-ho. 1k/gb-ho: ¡ix ¡3ohe,,isa- boiin/Sereiarialpwd final Saturday, July 29, 12:30 p.m., when I attended a Lakeside Talk whose giver was, intriguingly, the only one not identified in the pro. gram of events. "Speaker: To Be Announced," it said, raising the question of what dignitary might be thought more important than Prime Minister Rocard, who was listed as the speaker on the middle Saturday. My first full-strength dose of Bohemian culture took place two weeks earlier, the first Saturday night, when after a long day in the Grove I took a seat on the grassy lakeside among 1,500 other men for the encampments famously sur- real opening ritual. As the magic hour of9:15 approached, a helicop. ter from a network newsmagazine circled frantically far above the darkened forest, searching out a spectacle lit at that point only by the hundreds of cigars whose smokers had ig- nited them in defiance ofthe California Forest Services posted warn- ings. My neighbor sug- gested that someone ought to "shoot the fucker down," flashing the press hatred that prevails in Bohemia. "My friends dont understand this," a pudgy 35.year.old in front of me confided to his companion. "I know that if they could see i t, they wo u i (1 see how 'íi u r/1c n,o;: exciusize emhaniedfiiws terrific it is. Its like great sex...... It was the sort ofanalogy I was to hear often in the nearly 60 hours I spent inside the Grove. The friend and I leaned closer. "lt's more than it's cracked up to be. You can't describe it," he explained. Then everyone hushed as a column ofhooded fig- ures carrying torches emerged solemnly from the woods 100 yards away, bearing a corpse down to the water. You KNOW YOU ARE INSIDE THE BOHEMIAN GROVE WHEN YOU come down a trail in the woods and hear piano music from amid a group oftents and then round a bend to see a man with a beer in one hand and his penis in the other, urinating into the bushes. This is the most gloried-in ritual of the encampment, the freedom olpowerful men to pee wherever they like, a right the club has invoked when trying to fight government anti-sex- discrimination efforts and one curtailed only when it comes to ¡1111(11 1TO a few popular redwoods just outside the Din- Ii IVVI lu _ ing Circle. Tacked to one of these haplessly OFFERED FRENCH PRIMEM postprandial trees is a sign conveying the fairy-dust mixture of boyishness and courtliness that envelops the encampment: GENTLEMEN PLEASE! NO PEE PEE HERE! Everything in the encampment is sheltered by redwoods, which admit hazy shafts ofsunlight, and every camp has a more or less constant campfire sending a soft column ofsmoke into the trees. The walled camps are generally about loo feet wide and stretch back up the hillside, with wooden platforms on which members set up tents. Bohemians sleep on cots in these tents, or, in the richer camps, in redwood cabins. The camps are decorated with wooden or stone sculptures ofowls, the Grove symbol. Mem- bers wash up in dormitory-style bathrooms and eat breakfast and dinner collectively in the Dining Circle, a splendid outdoor arena with fresh wood chips covering the ground and only the . --t sky above. It never rains when the encamp- .. .: ment is on. - During the day, idleness is encouraged. f There are few rules, the most famous one be- ing "Weaving Spiders Come Not Herein -- other words, don't do business in the Grove. The rule is widely ignored. Another, un
  7. 7. written rule is that everyone drinkand that everyone drink all the time. This rule is strictly adhered to. "His method was to seize a large horse bucket, throw a hunk of ice into it, pour inseveral bottles ofgin and a halla bottle of ver- mouth, and slosh it all around," goes one Grove recipe. The traditional 7:00 a.m. gin fizzes served in bed by camp valets set the pace. Throughout the skeet-shooting, the domino-playing and the museum talks, right up through the "afterglows" that follow each evening's entertain- "Ta . astall ment, everyone is perpetually numbed She sc and loose, but a clubbish decorum pre- there vails just the same. No one throws up. tenda . sticks Now and then, though, a Bohemian sits down in the ferns and passes out. The sense that you are inside an ac- tuai club is heightened by all the fur- nishings that could not survive a wet season outdoors: the stuffed lion on top ofJungle; the red lanterns ¡n the trees behind Dragons at night, which add to the haunting atmosphere; the paintings of camels, pelicans and naked women that are hung outside; the soft couch in the doorway of Woof; and everywhere pianos that, when che encampment is over, go back to the piano warehouse near the There's a feeling ofboth great privilege and rusticity. Bohemians talk about roughing it, but at a privy in the woods near the river, there is a constantly renewed supply of paper toilet-seat covers. And the sand at the Russian Then the beer brewer himself came out to sing: "Mandalay," the song based on the Kipling poem. He was a goateed giant with massive shoulders and a beer gut. Rudyard Kipling, AIla&ardfora Rim Ride! romantic colonialist and exponent of the mas- culine spirit, is, naturally, one of the Grove's heroes, and "Mandalay" is a triumphant white- BHUM-BUM: TilE LIGHTER SIDE 11F POWER-MONGEEING A Completely Authentic 1989 BohemIan Grove Joke Book ilulah Bankhead goes into 5. A Bohemian cuts out a pho- 8. "Take care when you unsheath inthe'21'Clubbathroom. tograph of a woman's crotch your swordit can pierce a )Ofl pokes her head out. Is from a skin magazine and care- young lady's . . . hear( advice any paper?' she asks an at- fully tapes it to the cover ofCock- from one character to another in nt. 'No: A little later she pit, a magazine for private- the Grove play. her head out a second 't., 'T'.... aircraft fanciers that's popular . . 9. "The gravity onjupiter is ex- j,',' '. sorry, we have nothing at all: A few minutes pass, and she leans out again. 'How about two fives for a ten?'"from Malcolm Forbes's Lakeside Talk. 2. "My wife was talking w a friend ofhers the other day who says, You know what they say about oysters being an aphro- disiac? It's not true: 'How do you know that? Well, we went out to dinner last night and my hus- band ordered a dozen oysters. Only five worked" Ibid. 3. A Bohemian at dinner holds up a wine bottle filled with a yel- lowish liquid and reads the label in puzzlement: "Château du piJsoir" from the Owl Hoots cartoons at the Camp Fire Circle. 4. "You're as young as the worn- an you fecI" from the LowJinks theatrical performance. bers. He leaves the magazine on a table in the campground. All day Bohemians grab the maga- zine to look inside, where they find only pictures ofleather jack- cts and airplanesa Bohemian prank recounted at the Grove beach. 6. "A man stumbles home early one morning. His angry wife yanks open the door and he lurches onto the floor. Getting up, he says, 'I think I'll skip my prepared remarks and take your questions now''from As- sociated Press president Louis Boccardis Lakeside Talk. 7. "A ten-year-old boy is fornicat- ing with his nine-year.old sister. 'Gee, you're almost as good as Ma, he says. 'Really" she says. 'That's what Pa says' Bohemian rib-tickler told at Land's End camp. tremely strong. Its kind of like the lady in the play with the big boobs she has to crawl out onstage!" from a museum talk by Wally Schirra, the former astronaut, or, as he put it, smart-ass-tronaut." lo. Two Vassar women run into one another in New York during the Depression. Their families have suffered terrible reverses. "It's gotten so bad Fve taken to the streets, I'm practicing the world's oldest profession," says one. "Oh my God,' says the other "Before I did that I'd dip into capital" Forbes. 11. 'A lot of years have been going by for me. You know, there are three things that begin to happen as the years pile up. First, you begin to forget things. (Pause.) I canOt remember the other two" from Rna1d Rea- gan's Lakeside Talk. PW MINISTER MICHEL ROCARD ADVICE: "DO ANYTHING YOU WANT, HIDE IN River beach is traversed by coconut-fiber mats and rich figured squares cut from the carpets in the City Club," the five-story brick Bohemian building in downtown San Francisco. All day long there is music in the Grove, and at night in some camps there are programs of entertainment: comics, singers, actors. Any Bohe- mian is welcome at such events. One afternoon, for instance, the Valhalla deck was crowded ith men drinking Valhalla's home-brewed beer and listening to singers. They sang from a small stage in front of a redwood on which was hung a framed nineteenth-century engraving. The scene was permeated by a kind of Nazi kitsch Black Forest imagery, and the setting seemed very Wagnerian though the music was some- times undercut by the soft drumming of tin- kling urine off the edge of the porch, where the beer drinkers went one after the other. The deck's railing posed a dilemma. It was set at crotch level, so you had to sort of crouch. man's-burden song. The brewer finished tearily, his arms high above his head, fists clenched: 'STake me back to Mandalay-ah." Amid wild applause one man removed a heavily chewed cigar to say, "If that don't send a chill up your spine, you ain't a Bohemian." His friend, a man in a yellow brocade vest, agreed. "He really put the balls into it." "Yep, Big Daddy's in town." ONE REASON IDR THE BOHEMIAN CLUB'S POOR public relations is the name it gave to the yearly opening ceremony: The Cremation ofCare. The cremation is intended to put the busy men of the club at ease and banish the stress ofthe out- side world, but it arouses critics of the encamp- ment because they interpret it to mean that Bohemians literally don't care about the outside world. Cremation ofcare, they fear, means the death of caring. Demonstrations outside the Grove a few years back often centered around THE BUSH ES JUST DON'T LET THEM SEE YOU" NOVEMBER 1989 SPY 63
  8. 8. the "Resurrection of Care.» The cremation took place at the man-made lake that is the center ofa lot ofGrove social activity. At 9:15 a procession of priests carrying the crypt ofDull Care came out ofthe trees on the east side, along the Grove's chiefthoroughfare, River Road. They wore bright red, blue and orange hooded robes that might have been designed for the Ku Klux Klan by Marimekko. When they reached the water, they extinguished their torches. At this point some hamadryads and another priest or two ap- peared at the base ofthe main owl shrine, a 40-foot-tall, moss- covered statue of stone and steel at the south end of the lake, and sang songs about Care. They told of how a man's heart is divided between "reality" and "fantasy:' how it is necessary to es- cape to another world offellowship among men. Vaguely homo- sexual undertones suffused this spectacle, as they do much of ritualized life in the Grove. The main priest wore a pink-and- green satin costume, while a hamadryad appeared before a red- wood in a gold spangled bodysuit dripping with rhinestones. They spoke of "fairy unguents" that would free men to pursue warm fellowship, and I was reminded of something Herman Wouk wrote about the Grove: "Men can decently love each other; they always have, but women never quite understand." Then the crypt of Care was poled slowly down the lake by a black-robed figure in a black gondola, accompanied by a great deal of special-effects smoke. Just as the priests set out to torch the crypt, a red light appeared high in a redwood and large speakers in the forest amplified the cackling voice of Care: "Fools! When will ye learn that me ye cannot slay? Year after year ye burn me in this Grove. . . . But when again ye turn your feet toward the marketplace, am I not waiting for you, as of old?" With that, Care spat upon the fires, extinguishing them. The priests turned in desperation to the owl. "O thou, great symbol of all mortal wisdom, Owl of Bohemia . . . grant u's thy counsel!" Every year there are new wrinkles on the cremation cere- mony. The big improvement this year was to project a sort of liT mnn fl1Tfl hologram onto the owl's face so that its beak I ftI PII II II III seemed to move. Also, it was Walter Cronkite 1!lIllhJIjIuJI ENTERED BY STEALTH. ploded in huzzahs. Fireworks went off at the lakeside, and a brass band in peppermint-striped jackets and straw boaters came out of the woods playing "Therell Be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight" The sudden appearance of men in striped jackets shows what a bouillabaisse oftraditions the Grove is. Bohemian Club literature is pious on this score. lt boasts that the Cremation of Care ceremony derives from Druid rites, medieval Christian liturgy, the Book of Common Prayer, Shakespearean drama and nineteenth-century American lodge rites. Early Bohemians were hungry for exaltation and grabbed on to any tradition they could find to dignify their exile in the vul- gar West. The club was founded in 1872, just three years after the transcontinental railroad was completed, by a group of newspapermen and artists who plainly felt social anxiety about their surroundings. Early club menus offered dolled-up western dishes such as "boiled striped bass au vin blanc" and "café noir' The club's 'men of talent" (Le., artists and writers) included writers of a populist bent: Mark Twain, Bret Harte, Henry M. Stanley. Bohemianjack London was a socialist; Bo- hernian Henry George, a radical reformer. But the club's newspapermen were also socially ambitious, Hd/oMiSdib. aiming to chronicle California's rise in the arts ¿'dio Faddul,: and sciences. Bohemian, they agreed in their early lix Grot is annals didnt mean an unwashed shirt and poetry;one sup(r- deluxe sicep- lt signified London, the beau monde, men of emi- away arnp nence whose purses were always open to their ;oIe7fl. friends. By such standards, San Francisco busi- yole WO#1 Se nessmen surely looked crude. adr,,iiscd i,, U The New Just the same, the club needed such men of York Times use" to support their activities, and inevitably the Magazinc. businessmen took over. Prohibition dealt a dead- ly blow to the clubs democratic leanings by closing the central Grove bar. Social activity became decentralized, relocated to individual camps, and less egalitarian, a trend that continued during the Depression, when rich camps got even richer. Mem- bers poured money into capital improvements for the Grove,as uit were the haven to which they could flee during the revolu- tion. (By 1925, according to one account, most ofthe Grove's 2,800 acres had been purchased for the sum of$99,500.) Ted- dy Roosevelt had been a member. Franklin Roosevelt was not, and by the 1930s the Grove had become clannishly conserva- tive. Will Rogers is said to have been denied membership be- cause he once made a joke about the Grove. The Bohemian Club's waiting list, which had first appeared in the Coolidge years, grew to ridiculous lengths. I was told that ifa Californian is not admitted before he is 30, he can despair of membership unless he achieves commercial or political prominence. Many older men die waiting. And membership STUDENTS OF THE GROVE HAD WARNED THA' talking. (Cronkite camps in Hill Billies along with George H.W. Bush, William F. BuckleyJr. and former astronaut and exEastern Air Lines chairman Frank Borman.) Cronkite, as the owl, said that the only way Care could be cremated was to use fire from the Lamp of Fellowship before him, an "eternal" gas flame that burns day and night while the encamp- ment is on. That did it. Care went up in blazes. Around me themen ex- 64 SPY NOVEMBER 1989
  9. 9. OVER TRE RIVER AND TUROUGII THE tOO:ft"" A Gud. o Right-Wing Fa*oiIa 1. Wbr Boh,mlani oøis - BOHEMIAN GROVE CAMPS. FACILITIES AND ROADS SONOMA GO.. CAUFORNIA SCAL( ti rcc q__z.jw '.Q 20. G,ati orni rn.tnb,qi t-nuit Sign n ard ott h-.r, 21. I-tr. Io,t July o Grcv. .mpio... sp.nt two and o baH doys mor'ain poririg spoc.a on th rois wt lima 22. Sit-ing h.,. forcd G.c- aid Fotd to tvha a mil. d.our through th. woodalnlÇ8l around brroulari to h.ck ..- out to!irtt ort the non- Bobamlan public b.och _j___ apt-n-ac ,___'i 2 Lat.-niçht nud. . wlmmLng 3. Hrc la t-h. fall o4 1942, phyiiciti mai to di,cuss l iotp-ss.pocationoapt of tine projct to build t-h. u. atom bomb 4_ Zaca Pr.ntisCobb 14o. . s hava i 5.THIP*ODUCTIYIDIU*5. THaeANtO,MLMQSAUm : p--... 6. Tot.m Inn: Allan Onvay '-i- 'leap' h.ie - 7. Woof: whana Jam., A. Balan III and Mir-v Gmthn ap -.- 8. Aviory:Sìnsn' comptu, bag.nt '.. ---'-- .------- i " 9_ si. o4 A,i: William F : Clor and Coapor Wain- i b,Isaphr 16. Hoe. o N.rrbuto .. 1o_. Mondoloy: Nickoki 17. Thi only pcc. you co. Brady, G.aI4 Ford, Hariry . 1 UI. mony ir, ib. Gca KIaIlntf, G.o. P Shultz : Williom French Smith on4 . aTliomaa Waton Jr. sl..p .' Ji la. Wh«. Wolly Schiro kent '. l.d th,t ,?mnaf ' ::_:: so. PO$Ular CTUiIlIQ :i A aI..p guard whNl4sj 1K í Hill BIlli.i: wh- II ç l !ronk o-mon, William F. V's.' Baackliy Jr j--.... Bidl.y. G.oq9. Rush, A. Y W Ciou.n an4 a. C(OñkiWal..p #.-# 46 Dog Hoiia: wh.ri Fv.d . Tmol.na sla.p :V/ / rpocPa 9O In ai O L....2,,17 Tb.lr gtory nYr Ofl UL.. J±' *= 1_ Totond:AlHclgsL.p 'L1f 719. Brornlsy: whr urta oblat and gula-ti o4 t-b. board o4 di-actora bunk (C M.ss. w-on o guaY? irr 198 , o--- - 3h;t:hw. 24. Woh'wodtrio: John Klug. $IH'pl itava 25. S4awowoy wh.r. Dovid Rcka+eII.vst..pa 26. Buy your oNici-ol sou- iYnrv anopahols of ah. an- contpm.nt k-w, 27. Phon. ckcl., wh4ç a a- nne H.nry XiasJngr cut in lina 28. In t-h. 1910i )opan.u. $4nvonti Won. whit. uni- forras b, day, blu. by night. with gcld-bvoid.d capstomatch mama 7] t j": 4.4. Co'. Mori: rlghi-wing co.n what. Moi-tin And.ron who b.for. b- coming Riogon's dom.itic policy odviw sold po'-.tty hod b-..n vIrtuclly i lirnina4' bvtI.i with Emil Moilaciwt, gnom mai-chant Dwo AnAan ad rss bong... (NOt. Nlxon'a .mpty bad) 43_ Comp 1er Navy odmuroli i Ii t 1,1 1' r.?. J 1/ )- -:: J 12,Sosuao4St.Jolirnom . ..s / i / 42.OwiSlrnirw:wb.v.No- '° Public Rodio a.cs.-Napomuk. pot-ran t-oint ol ib. Gray. (d 1393) : ,! .' i Jj ,... Iv top.d Klaalng.c's 9O2 LokaiidaTalkar.cotdirng 13. 0.« lIck ora r*dwood .; .. 7 j .... thot lt latan d..dln.d to oit 14. Whsr* Mcc McCand. . f ( Proceisiun o4 pci.iti b.gino bar. ¡Su PIOYI tir. organ ¡ ' i..' Drogona: ' S.S J £°- "rn' 40. Jock London gol full' ; i :":t-: h ntyais- $« 3 2 a T e 9 ;:-/.2I 3 Sh.ldrok. L t-:t.4Ef5 ;.N;=rBO$l:shifl I j; ECURITY WAS TOO GOOD; I ! comes dear. The initiation fèe for regular voting membership ¡s said to be $8,500, and dues are set at more than S2,000 a year. Because the reg. ular members require entertainment, "men of talent pay greatly reduced fees. On Wouk's ac- ceptance, for instance, he was put to work writ- ing a history of the club. The encampment became controversial in 1IGHT LAST THREE HOURS BEFORE THEY PUT ME IN the early Reagan years when reporters, still suffering the hangover of Carter populism, T H E S A N T A questioned club executive appointees about the ROSA JAIL FORclub's sexist practices. The Grove's keenest adversary is Mary Moore, who lives in a countercultural shantytown in T R E S P A S S I N G nearby Occidental. Moore was the 1953 San Luis Obispo County Fiesta queen, but by 1980 she NOVI llllR 1-i"-: SPY
  10. 10. TO ENJOY MOST PLEASURES OF THE GROVE THE SONGS, E L A B O RAT E DRAG SHOWS, PREBREAKFAST GIN FIZZES AND R O U N D -T H E - CLOCK "NEMBU- TA L " T H O U G H had become, she says, a woman-identified woman," and the Grove's thunderous maleness and what she calls its "closedness" disturbed her. of course, just about anybody could hate the Grove. With its dense concentration of extrava- gant war- and money-mongers, it's an easy ob- ject of protest, and 72 left-wing groups eventit- ally joined Moore to form the Bohemian Grove Action Network. For a while, in the early 1980s, Moore and BGAN thought they might actually liberate the redwoods. In 1984 folksinging demonstrators tried to quarantine the Bohemians inside the Grove because they were so dangerous to the outside world. Fifty people were arrested. Sum- mer after summer BGAN stoked Grove con- spiracy theories by getting hold ofthe guest list. In 1981, for instance, Dan Rostenkowski, Ed Meese and former president of CBS News Van Gordon Sauter attended (Sauter as the guest of former California governor Edmund 'Pat" BrownJerry's father). Meese, by the way, is about the only major Reaganite who didn't end up as a member. In its obsession with the encampment, BGAN has unwittingly taken on Bohemian ii .1" i CaFflpf1r of:hi :'aPzit,ej: re,w,,,ht,,: Rû/,,,ita,ìj like t') Jl(ç(' II '! lix ,du ood kFK/.kJ oft/k oraI Canip Fir, Cire It. and limos around to get to the gate had disap peared. The Grove was still there. Vhen I got to Monte Rio, only a couple 01 signs of protest remained. Moore's answering machine message asking friends not to call her at her vintage-clothing store in the town of Se. bastopol included a denunciation ofthe Crema. tion of Care. And inside the Grove the guest list was well guarded. It was posted in a locked glass case during the day, and was removed every I DIDN'T SWIM NAKED WITH LIKE-MINDED BOHEMIANS IN THE RUSSIAN RIVER AT NIGHT Kaw.ihungi! Bo/)(,,1:a?? ¡ sktt:'is /',,ra puh. ¡950 traits, becoming a kooky mirror image of the Grove. lt wove spidery webs ofstring across Bo- hernian Avenue to block the way in. lt urged its followers to form "Boho Clubs" to study mem- bers so they could be "held accountable by the American People" for participaring"in the main- tenance of the process of plutocratic patriarchy ,hich threatens the planet Earth with omnicide from the nuclear menace." When BGAN resur- rected Care, it chanted its own hymns: On a day îìiiich like this five score years ago The first hideolls fire was lii in Monte Rio Andsweet Care was banishedfrorn this lovely land. And Bohemians revelled upon their shifting sand. But by 1985 BGAN's energies were ebbing. The media's anti-elitist mood, never all chat fero- clous, was spent. The reporters that Mary Moore had helped spirit into the Grove for hours at a time had come out with vague, watered-down versions r- ofwhat went on, or their u news organizations had suppressed the accounts. ' r ' . By 1988 the gauntlet of .. t , hippies and solarheads and woman-identified women whom the Bohe- 7 i'N mians had been forced - to maneuver their Jags Ç' f night. This was about the highest security I saw inside. , 'I'M ADMITTING R THE FIRST TIME IN MY life having no willpower," a man was saying to his wife on one ofthe public phones. He looked bewildered and hung over, and I figured Bohe- mians were warmly and mysteriously saying to him what they were saying to me: "I can tell this is your first Grove." It was just past noon on Sunday, the middle weekend at the encampmentthe busiest weekend, with attendance approaching 2,200 men. The most dignified had arrived. On the River Road you heard some small business talk. "David Jr.'s going into the family business now." "He's got a scruffy beard." "Yes, he looks radical, hut he doesn't talk like o n e." 'Äbby, now, she's the one who raised her fist at graduation? Had a red fist painted on the back of her gown." Of course. The Rockefellers. "Where was that? Radcliffe?" "You know, they''e got a lot of liberal faculry "They're always on the periphery of radicalism." "My son was in Santiago, and David sent him letters ofintroducrion to seven leading bankers in seven countries."
  11. 11. J_ At lakeside the grass was crowded for the day's talk. Under the green parasol stood General John Chain, commander of the Strategic Air Command, who spoke of the country's desperate need for the Stealth B-2 bomber. "1 am a warrior and that is how I come to you today' he said. '1 need the B-2." The important men come out for the Lakeside Talks, and each speaker seems to assume that his audience can actually do something about the issues raised which, ofcourse, it can. On the first week- end, for instance, Associated Press presi- dark-haired man said to an older fellow. Three other men discussed a friend of theirs who had left early that morning for New York. One of them seemed puz- zied the friend wasn't the sort to get going at 7:45, he noted. "It was a free ride' the other friend explained. "Bill Simon had room on his plane." "Simon doesn't know he doesn't have money." They all got a big kick out ofthis. Simon was Treasury secre- tary in the Ford administration and today is a major savings and loan conglomerateur, active in takeovers. It would seem that this years encampment was useful to him. Two weeks later he plunged into Sir James Goldsmiths battle to take over B.AI Industries PLC ofEngland. a deal that could give Simon a toehold in Europe. He was surely influenced by Prime T, TI fl flflTl fl ti Minister Rocard's Saturday-afternoon r11iu IÇi' O ii iiiJîI i' ll M FU LakesideTalk, in which he dangled the I lui lilitili Ut I II U 1)111 1 llhI 1U I It 1!! Il! II li I bit most sanguine business exrectations What France's Michel Rocord Said on His (Secret) Summer Vocation OftheneW Europeanordersee "The The people and press of France thought their crafty prime mm- ister, Michel Bocard, was on his boat off the coast of Brittany (luring the last two weeks of J uly this year. But thanks to an invitation from his pal Henry Kissinger. Bocard had been smuggled into the Grove - and not just to parry with the guys, hut also to talk openly and honestly before his fellow camp. ers. (Whether highly placed aides the covers ofhis bed back home is unclear.) His speech has, to date, gone entirely unreported. Prime Minister Rocard be gan his July 22 talk at the Grove lakeside with a clumsy miscalculation'There is no press herebut from that point on it was all Gallic charm. Hundreds ofmiles from AP stringers and Le Monde re- porters, he whispered secrets, he punctured allies. The speech was remarkable not so much for its content as for its candor and tone. Of the Europeans' goal to eliminate trade barriers in 1992, Rocard confided dramat- ically, "We are building a na- tion. The world is rich with multilingual nations' Within ten years, he said, Europe will have a unified currency Only Margaret Thatcher will resist, but "as always' he added, "she will get on the train when it is leaving the station' utation as a right-wing so- cialist. Among the Bohemians he was chummy. The Amen- cans and the French, he said, have a special alliance in lead- ¡ng the way to disarmament, while Thatcher is "defiant": she cannot be counted on. Rocard also considered the Germans hopeless. They suffer what the prime minister called "the Gen- man disease" fear of fighting on their own soil, making them partial to nuclear arms. To the subject of business matters, ¡tocard brought a Bo- '-' 01 WC iiisappearing rrirne iviin- hernian zeal. Government- ister'] subsidized farming, he said, is In 1982 reporters followed German "hypocrisy!" The farms aren't chancellor Helmut Schmidt to theefficient but governments back Grove gates, and the front page of 'l'be , Christian Science Monitor termed the .. . .-', Grove "the West's hidden summit." This year Rocard's visit went unreported. A week after the encampment, a Wash- ;1l/e/ !?o,ar/ ington correspondent for a French of consequences of opposing them. "Ridiculous:' he said, then tilted forward in a delight- ful gesture of conspiracy. "Let me tell you a secret. We too are fed up with subsidizing farm- ers. We too want to get out of this silly system:' The only way out, he whispered, is a private, "gentleman's agreement" involv- ing agricultural trade. At lake- side there was an approving murmur. For the gentleman's agreement is the stock-i n-trade ofBohemia. PW dent Louis Boccardi, addressing his listeners as men of "power and rank," gave them more details than he said he was willing to give his readers about the plight ofTerry Anderson, the Mid- die East correspondent held hostage since 1985. It was a trans- parent plea for help. Other Lakeside speaking is more indulgent. Here Nicholas Brady examined the history oftheJockey Club. Here William Buckley described how he had sat at his desk and cried upon learning of Whittaker Chambers's death, Here Henry Kiss- inger made a bathroom pun on the name of his friend Lee Kuan Yew, who was in attendancethe sort of joke that the people of Singapore, whom Lee rules with such authoritarian zeal, are not free to make in public. The speeches are presented as off-the-record one of the absurdities of Grove life, given that they are open to several thousand people, As the Soviet Sagdeyev said in his speech, "There is no glasnost here." After Generai Chain's talk, the usual quiet business chatter went on, "Your secretary, I got to tell you, she's 110 percent," a 68 SPY NOVEMBER 1989 to the time the prime minister had visited the US. was a year and a half ago. "One of the contemporary myths about the Bohemian Club is that it is a gathering and decision-making place for national and international 'power brokers,' the club's then-president said in 1980. In fact, the encampment has always had political significance. Richard Nixon, Barry Goldwater and Nelson Rockefeller all stopped in as they geared up for their respective presidential campaigns. Politicians say there is no place like the Grove to help get a campaign rolling. No wonder this year's guest list included the two biggest congressional bagmen of recent years: Representative Tony Coelbo, former chairman of the House Democratic Campaign Committee, and Representa- tive Guy Vanderjagt, his counterpart on the Republican com- mittee. These men were interested in something more than pseudo-Druidic rituals, The club says it serves as a "refuge" from the strivings of the marketplace, and though it's true that actual deal-making is discouraged, I heard business being done on all sides. The pay phones were a hub of activity. "Owner slash developer," a man dictated to his secretary one morning. On the blackboard near the bootblack stand there were phone messages for corporate raider Henry Kravis and Bioomingdale's chairman Marvin Traub. That day as I sat writing a letter (actually my notes) at the Civic Center, a one-story building in which various ameni- ties (Grove stationery, laundry facilities) are available to Bohe-
  12. 12. mians, I overheard a large fellow in cranberry- colored shorts on the phone, bragging to some- one back at the office. "I got slightly inebriated - slightly! - heavily inebriated with the president of the Portland Opera last night. I said we might have a deal for him. They're go- ing to have Pavarotti there in November. I said when we got back we'd talk about it." It was in the phone circle that Henry Kis- singer alienated some brother Bohemians on the middle weekend. Wandering into the clear- ¡ng, he announced to the air, "I have to make two phone calls" A man finished his call, and Kissinger, ignoring a half-dozen men in line, took the booth and proceeded to retail to a woman, evidently his wife, the Russian speak- er'sjoke about the KGBs interrogation oía CIA agent.(The CIA agent den ies i nvolvement first i n a calamitous ship disaster, then in Chernobyl7So what are you responsible ¡ti I llflh1flflDII1D for?" the KGB askshim. FROM A NETWORK NEWSMAGAZINE CIRCLED FRANTICALLY FAR ABOVE "Your agricultural policy.") The woman on the line evidently objected to the joke, for Kissinger said, revealing a dovish streak, "Maybe the KGBa'idwrite it, but it is not a sign of strength." Kissinger's crusty performance was not ap- preciated by the men he'd cut in front olin line. One Bohemian, a patrician fellow with silver hair, wheeled in rage, saying, "I'll be god- damned." Cutting in line is distinctly un- Bohemian behavior. Everywhere you hear what is Bohemian and what isn't Bohemian. One night I wandered into Fore Peak camp and got a lecture from a man named Hugh about Bohemian values as hey concerned Fore Peaks famous drink, a mixture of hot rum and hot chocolate. Many years ago a doctor called it a Nembutal, and the name stuck, so much so that one Fore Peak camper wears a stethoscope and a white lab coat with DR. NEMBUTAL stitched on it. Hugh said that an old college friend came to stay in Bohemia and took over the mixing of the drinks. He persisted ici putting in too much rum to see how many guys would pass out. "Hey, knock it off, this is Bohemia," Hugh had to tell him. He never in- vited the chum back. A tenet of Grove life is noncompetitive egali- tarianism: all men are equal here. But in fact, class and status differ- ences among camps are pronounced.Just as you have to be sponsored for membership, you have to he sponsored for a camp. The screens get pretty fine. Nonetheless, the ideal of equality is corn- forcing. Among other things, it permits alco- holic failures to feel equal for a few days with their workaholic cousins. Since everyone is sup- posed to kick back and forget work, it's the fuckups annual revenge. At Sundodgers there is a motto on the mantel: THE PRODUCTIVE DRUNK IS THE BANE OF ALL MORALISTh. It tells the productive they can drink, it tells the drunks they're productive. A HIGH POINT OF THE MIDDLE WEEKEND WAS che performance ofThe LowJinks, the Grove's elaborate musical-comedy show. Over the years thejinks has become the leading entertainment at the encampment, surpassing the mannered and ponderous Grove Play, which is performed the next weekend. Thejinks is vigorously low- brow. It takes place on the Field Circle stage, which is wedged in between two camps, Pink Onion (notable for its pink sheets) and Cave Man (notable for big-deal right-wingcrs and a plaque commemorati ng Herbert Hoover). The Field Circle seats are steeply canted; sit- ting in one feels like being inside a megaphone. The mood was American and bellicose. For a good half hour the band warmed up the audi- ence, playing the fight songs ofmany California colleges and the armed services and culminat- ing with "The Star-Spangled Banner." Indi- vidual melted into group, but what a group: George Shultz was seated below me, and word in the camp was that a year and $75,000 or so had been spent for a production that would be seen just once, just by them. I felt like a mem- THE DARKENED FOREST, MY N E 1G H BOR SUGGESTED, "SHOOT THE FUCKER DOWN" fhat:c uay it ti: th 4O-frn:. tall Gr«ii Oitltf Bvht-m,a Wafter Cni,,ki!t I,, ¡bu )ar C jF?t,I!i(m .fCar(. NOVEMBER 1989 SPY 69
  13. 13. PEELED OFF THE MASK TO REVEAL THAT HE REALLY WAS KISSINGER, AND HE SAID IN HIS FAMILIAR G R AV E L LY ACCENT, "I AM ber of the greatest nation ever, the greatest gender ever, the greatest generation ever. At such times - at many such times, among strong leaders, deep in the forestthe Grove takes on a certain German- ¡C übermenschlich feeling. This year's Jinks was called Sculpmre Culture, and the humor was not just lame but circa-1950s college follies lame. Rex Greed, an . " . i I , . . his capital"). One day in the GroveS - I tipped a camp valet and he offèrec :: some unsolicited information i ': - Hookers came to a certain bar ir -S '":) Monte Rio at ten each night, h said. It was the same bar-lodge, ( .34.,Ip . Phil ,, Js . ph" motel where the local police had ar rested a man for pandering a fe CaII,ng i%/frrd E. Neuman: years back. The bust came right al. ¡he uI:raio/h,st:ca:e4pos,erfor ih: ter a Lakeside Talk by Williamyear j ¡iìwJrnks uìsa, w/.'wh coji about $75,000 toprodsveone Webster, then the FBI directo effeminate gallery owner who sells toilets ("a counterpoint ofmass and void"), tries to con- vince artistJasonJonesJr. that his future lies in sculptures composed ofgarbage. When a char- acter describes modern art as "the talentless be- ing sold by the unprincipled to the bewildered," the crowd's roar seemed to contain the grief of hundreds ofbusinessmen who have shelled out and the timing suggested it was his doing. But the charges were dropped, and the man is re- membered fondly in the Grove. A Bohemian I overheard on the beach one day said that the man's genius had been in keeping vacationing families in the motel ignorant of the other busi- ness going on there. "Now, that's good manage- ment" he declared. capturing the robust laissez- HERE BECAUSE I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CONVINCED THAT THE LOW JINX IS THE ULTIMATE APHRODISIAC" Th icoiiography o/t/e Grow for headquarters art they do not understand. The girls were all played by men, and every time they appearedtheir chunky legs and flashed buttocks highly visible through tight support hose the crowd went wild. After one character called the secretaries in the show "heifers," the audience couldn't resist breaking into "moos" every time they came back onstage. But the biggest crowd pleaser was Bubbles Boobenheim, a showgirl turned patroness who rubbed her prosthetic behind against the eleva- tor doors at stage left. The doors were used re- peatedly for wrong-floor gags. For example, at one point a Little League team came out that in- cluded Bohemians Bob Lune and Peter O'Mal- ley, the real-life owners ofthe San Francisco Gi- ants and the Los Angeles Dodgers, in uniform. When one character, a PRexecutive, expressed a desire to make his mistress an honest woman, she objected, reminding him ofan old Bohemi- an saying: "If it floats or flies or fools around, don't buy it, rent it." The scene brought to mind the reputation for prostitution that hangs around the Grove. From time to time law enforcement has tried unsuccessfully to bring cases against local procurers, and the Bohemian Grove Action Network circulates tes- timonials by a former paid mistress of a club member ("I only saw him troubled by one thing," she wrote. "He bought [an apple juice concern) for one million dollars and . . . he was fearful he would have to dip into faire spirit of the Grove. The sexism and racism oftheJinks were ola peculiar sort. Black jokes are out because there are a handful of black members though one day near the Civic Center I did hear a group of old-timers trying to imitatejessejackson. As for J ews, old membership lists suggest that they have taken a very small part in the club for de- cades. That leaves women and Hispanics as tar- gets for jokes - such as the one about Bubbles's protégé Raoul, who painted Puerto Rican flags on the backs of cockroaches. The Jinks jokes about women were straight out of an old jokebook. "My father said if you have a choice between an angry woman and a rabid dog, take the dog," Jason Jones Jr. said. "It's already got a fur coat and the license is a lot cheaper." And Rex Greed said, "The only difference between rape and rapture is sales- manship." The sensibility ofthe Grove recalls an era before the surgeon generafs report on smok- ing. before the death of God and duty, before the advent of cholesterol and Sandra Day O'Connor (whose husband,John, bunks in Peli- cans). The mood is reminiscent ofhigh school. There's no end to the pee-pee and penis jokes, suggesting that these men, advanced in so many other ways, were emotionally arrested sometime during adolescence. The most striking prop ¡n The LowJinks was a sculpture of a female torso whose breasts and buttocks had both been attached to the front, an improvement that looked vaguely hostile. And all the talk about male fellowship often sounds just like a college freshman's version of o (;1;s!ls ALLOWEI), an institutional escape from women, from their demands, aggressions and vapors. At certain times of year women are
  14. 14. allowed to enter the Grovebut only under "chaperonage,' ac- cording to a 1980 statement by the club president. Chaperon- age for adult women. Ifs another Bohemian wee-wee word, something you haven't heard since you were 14. The club's nemesis here is the state of California, which keeps chipping away at the Grove's maleness, lately threatening to take away its liquor license and its tax-exempt status because it discriminates against women. The state has established a beachhead at the Grove's front office, a hundred yards outside the main gate, where, under legal pressure, seven women have been employed. Inside the Grove there isa feeling of mournful inevitability about the day women will join the encampment. Bohemians talk about how much it will muddle things. "It would screw everything up, excuse the pun," said an old-timer sipping a drink by the river. 'There'd be a lot more preening and peacock- ing than there already is," a big gay Bohe- mian told me. Members have cited their privilege to walk about in "various states of undress' And former California governor Pat Brown has said publicly, many times, chat the presence of women would keep Bo- hemians from enjoying their hallowed free- dom to pee. The peeing is ceaseless and more than a little exhibitionistic. Everyone talks about it. Bohemian reminiscences describe such bi- zarre initiation rites as escorting new mem- bers to the redwood at which one of the founders "did his morning ablutions." The Owl Hoots, poster-size cartoons tacked up each day near the Camp Fire Circle, are filled with pissing pictures. One featured a spun- ous design for a commemorative stamp of club member U.S. Postmaster General An- thony Frank relieving himselfon a redwood. "Are you going to show it?" I heard a 50-ish Bohemian, the "captain" of Pow Wow camp, call out one day as young George went to pee off the deck. Most of it. At least six inches." "Now, don't be modest, George." A screen door creaked on a little house farther up the hill, and a Bohemian named Richard poked his head out, emerging from his siesta. "Do it counterclockwise, Dickie, that's best," the captain called out. "Oh, I've had my hand off it for two minutes now," Rich- ard protested. . . 4Nd jome uìma:.ìdei,ujied- "Theres a lot of wasted time."m.the uvr/ds only eiiab/sihnien: drag qa«n.r This dick-fussing often manifests itselfas that starkest ofmale nostal- glas, the hankering for the punctual erections of boyhood. According to 1979 figures, the average age of Bohemians is 55. Impotence is on many people's minds. The poster outside Monkey Block advertising this year's Grove play, Pompeii, fea- tured a gigantic erection under a toga. The set for the play in- cluded a wall inscription in Latin meaning 'Always hard." One day I was at the Grove beach when a Bohemian discovered that a friend's sunscreen was supposed to impede aging. "You got it too late." The owner ofthe lotion sighed. «Welt, I should give up put- ting it on my face and arms and spray it on my pricksee if that'll do any good." Bohemian discourse is full ofoblique organ worship as well. There's all the redwood talk. Bohemians rhapsodize endlessly abouttower.ingshafts and the inspiration theygive men. i LOVE THIS TREE AS THE MOST SOUND, UPRIGHTApili-Bohemian activist i1ary Moore. a uvjma,z- idenitfied-woman e/ediard to liberaiing the reduodifro,,i man-identified-men . . AND STATELY REDWOOD IN THE GROVE. LET MY FRIENDS REMEMBER ME BY IT WHEN I AM GONE, reads a plaque left by a Bohemian at the base of a 301-footer. Other references aren't so subtle. Late in The Lowjinks the elevator doors opened and a man came out wearing a rubber Henry Kissinger mask. He had a dumpy body a lot like Kissinger's. A "heifer" asked him why he was there. The man peeled off the mask to reveal that he really was Kissinger, and he said in his familiar gravelly accent, "1 am here because I have always been con- vinced that The Low Jinks is the ultimate aphrodisiac." THE ENCAMPMENT GOT EVEN LOOSER AS the third and last weekend approached. The fairy unguents were wearing off; after two weeks the place stopped looking so magical and began to seem as ordinary as a tree- house. The nonfamous hard-core Bohemians were more in evidence now, men who wore owls in various formsowl belt buckles, brass owl bolo ties, denim shirts embroi- dered with owls. Wooziness was pervasive. At his Lakeside Talk, Malcolm Forbes said that Khrushchev knows the Soviets "are in over their heads," and even as the name Gorbachev was murmured throughout the audience, Forbes rambled on, dotty and heedless, 25 years out-of-date. At Faraway a guy beckoned me into the camp to enjoy "a little orange juice." It tasted like lighter fluid sprinkled with mint flakes. "What's in this?" "Oh, just a little orange juice," the host repeated, smiling. "What do you call this?" I asked another Farawayer. "I call it dangerous," he said and told ofhow a dropped cigar had once ignited a batch. The men of Faraway had captured the rearranged-woman's- torso sculpture from The Low Jinks and now displayed it against a wall, having wedged a fern leaf in "her" crack. Mean- while, the tacked-up Owl Hoots drawings dubbed the sculp- tune the "statue of Piece" and pictured a Bohemian comment- ing that she would be "fun to dance with." Several ofthe Hoots jokes were at the expense of the homeless. One cartoon had a camper at Bromley turning away a filthyguy with a bag of cans. NOVEMBER 1989 SPY 73
  15. 15. ILL PLAY AND NO WORK THE SCHEDULE OF . PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN Even Bock n the Real World, One Former President Kkks Back and Relaxes ...... Tucthy. February 28. 19ß9 Nicholas Brady missed putting the finishing touches on 945 am ¡)part or Office ResidenceMexicds new debt.reduction plan. French prime minister Michel Bocard skipped out on a bigpost-Bastille.bicenten- 9 am Arri e t Office O Fox Plaza nial mess in Paris. Malcolm Forbes missed out on some of 10:00 am Staffe O Officethe superexciting buzz about Egg, his odd new lifestyle (30 mia) magazine. Henry Kravis was away while his former partner 10:30 am Tapiig or Robert Schullers I 000th Conference . Jerome Kohlberg prepared to sue him for breach of con- What did Ronald Reagan he (5 mm) roaj4i (ç::tract. miss while was wander. ing the northern California woods with tipsy, overweight 11:00 am PhoncaII io Bruce Levine Ofce guys in lederhosen? SPY obtained a copy ofthe former presi. (lo mia) dents schedule for one day this year, completewith doodles. 11:10 am Person Time ,. o Office_) His routine, as we suspected, is every bit as hectic and (50 mm) ,, 5/ momentous as it was when he put in his standard 11:OOto- 12:00 m Lunch Office 3:00 days in the Oval Office. (60 mm) o Oo Reagan works in a luxurious nor holding a magazine. ° pm Personal me o Office top.fioor suite in the Century City (I ht) office tower that was taken over by Given that the Rcagans wedding 2: pm Depart for Appointment with Dr. Bookman Fox PlazaGerman terrorists in Die Hard. anniversary scomingupon March Maintenance man Horatio Ramc 4. it would seem to be a valiant 2:15 pm Appointment with Dr. Bookman Dr. Bookmansriz has taken it upon himselfro roll effort to figure out exactly how (5 mm) Office out a blue carpet (or his buildings many wsrs its been. anyway Un. most famous tenant to walk on as fortunately. since the marriage 2:20 pm Depart for haircut at Druckers Barber Dr. Bookmanshe travels to and (rom his limousine took place in l92.the answer Rea Shop Officeeach day. Hcs a big (an of the gan comes up with is wrong. former president explains Reagan 2:30 pm Haircut Dnackers spokesman Mark 'inberg. Hora. O Ralph Bookman, Reagans aller. (30 mm) Barber Shop zio paid (or the carpet. and hecares gist - the man who administers. as for it the former president puts it. my 3:00 pm Depart for Residence Druckers sneeze shots Barber Shop oThe former president familiar. >izes hïmsel(with the days script. O Beverly Hills barber Harry 3:lO pm Arrive Residence Residence Drucken who says he has been cut . . . 'oYep, the pen works. ting Rragans hair exactly the same way for nearly half a century. sees I JRV1SEDO Having completed and crossed him at least twice a month. He off each laborious duty in his hectic describes the former T :' 02/27/89preaidents morning schedule. Reagan turns coiffure as a traditional haircut. a pm ..his attention to lunch. conservative haircut. lt isnt he . points outhelpfully. a hippie.type oIf hes not napping now. youre haircut Paul Slansky "This is for the campless, not the homeless," he was saying. The jokes fit right into the Grove's Ayn Rand R&R mood. "My grandmother always said, You can find sympathy in the dictionary,'" a guy with acigar said, walking on the River Road. I'd made it in that day for breakfast at the Dining Circle, the most lavish meal ofthe Bohemian day, an experience redolent ofmoneyed western ease. The rough wooden tables were piled with perfect fruit. As I sat down a great glistening arc ofmelon was slid before me. Today they were offering Alaskan cod, sau- téed lamb kidneys, eggs, French toast, bacon, sausages. The en- campments rules about dealing with waiters reinforce the heartless but egalitarian values ofthe Grove. Tipping the help is strictly forbidden, but so is reprimanding them. It's easy to imagine that many early Bohemians started out as laborers and had to remind more aristocratic visitors that social mobil- ity was a cherished ideal. In the Grove's Club Medlike plan, the meals are covered in the fee for the encampment, which, judging from schedules I'd seen from two years back, ran about $850 on top of annual dues. A waiter in a red jacket dropped an uneaten chunk of the bright red cod into a waste bin, and the Bohemians at my table talked about presidents. di,,,,, cIrtle: /ri,,kj It looked as though Richard Nixon ---would once again not show. One old- timer said that Nixon was feuding . with che board of directors. He was I. waiting to be asked to give a Lakeside k Talk, butthe club wasn't going to invite : . .. 74 SPY NOVEMBER 1989 him until he had shown them the respect ofvisiting Cave Mar for a weekend or so. In my informant's opinion, there was ba blood; Nixons resignation 15 years ago had offended the club'i honorit had been so un-Bohemian. The feud was unfor tunate because Nixon and the club went back a long way. Ir 1953, when he was vice president, Nixon led a ceremon honoring Herbert Hoovers 40th year as a Bohemian. It toot place at the Waldorf-Astoria, in a room piled with redwooc bark and branches shipped to Manhattan from the Grove. I, 1971, when the press corps forced him to cancel his speech ai the Grove, President Nixon had wired the club to say, "Anyoru can be president ofthe United States, but few have any hopeo becoming president of the Bohemian Club." Meanwhile, the Bohemians' new favorite son had arrived ir camp the night before. One of the waiters had heard whore house piano music coming from Owl's Nest, and he saic Ronald Reagan liked that kind of music. Rumor had it thai Reagan was going to give the next day's Lakeside Talk. Sorn said there were Secret Service men guarding the roads and th perimeter. They'd built special platforms in the trees for mer with binoculars. I didn't want to disagree. On hikes I'd taken k!JiUtét(/ Iamb iiincs ei/i iro,me/! my impression had been that the onl - - people patrolling the ten miles oi .,_l Grove perimeter were a guy at th i, Guard House on Smith Creek Roac f.'-_ : who spent a lot of time whittling i ' ' :' . walking stick and ancient Bohemian .; taking the daily 10:00 a.m. open
  16. 16. backed bus tour. Rim rides, the tours were called. Two ofthe buses Thi«ir'smtpr pcaÁr: :i, bore vanity license plates rp'riìdrni commemorating the 1989 presidential inauguration - they had the words KINDER and GENTLER stamped on them. In the afternoon I walked up Kitchen Hill Read to Owl's Nest. I wanted to visit the former president. Owl's Nest is sort of an old- Hollywood-corporatist camp. Eddie Albert is there, and United Technologies chieftain Harry J. Gray, who this year had brought along Union Carbide boss Robert D. Kennedy. Thecamp has a false outer door and two overlapping walls that form an S-shaped entry. Inside, a plump Secret Service guy in a Members Only jacket sat near a giant wooden owl. There were owl figures everywhere, notably a silver owl ice bucket on the bar whose head tilted off cleverly. I walked over to the Secret Service guy and asked if it was okay to meet the president. He said Reagan would love it and motioned with an open hand toward the deck. Reagan was mixing it up with a bunch of old- timers a few feet away. The first thing I noticed was that he had finally let his hair go gray. Also, he's not as tall as he looked in office. He wore western gear all the way, a gray-blue checked western shirt, a white braided western belt, cowboy boots and, in his left breast pocket, an OWl'S Nest pin with an owl on it. The getup stood out because it was so fastidious among men who had let themselves go. We shook hands firmly (his: small, bony) and chatted. Even one-on-one he has that habit of smiling and cocking his head and raising an eyebrow to encourage you. He projects an auto- matic, almost druggy congeniality. I worked hard to respond in kind (I invented an infant son named Ronald Wilson Weiss). We talked about his guest days at the Grove, before he be- came a member in 1975 (two months after he left the California governorship, a week after ' George Shultz joined). I asked him In Q ii IV whether it was true that it was at the ground, they'd announced the next days Lake- side Talk. The mystery was over. COMMENTS BY RONALD WILSON REAGAN, said placards on the wooden signboards. By the time the talk was over, the posters had all been lifted by souvenir- seeking Bohemians. AS DINNER BEGAN THAT NIGHT, PEOPLE WERE already sitting down on the redwood benches at the main stage for the Grove play (despite the poster, a humorless enactment of the destruc- tion of Pompeii). Everything felt peaceful and sweet, like death, the good things they say about it: the end to striving, the sunlight-dappled heavenliness. Music sounded softly. A bagpiper walked in the woods by himself squeez- ing out a melancholy song, a brass band played "Sweet Georgia Brown" in Cliffdwellers, and in Band camp a young guitarist and an old pianist ex- perimented with the Isley Brothers' "It's Your Thing." Nearby, a young member ofthe cast dressed as a woman pulled apart pur- push gossamer robes to pee. The popu- lar redwoods between the Dining and Camp Fire Circles now reeked of urine and wore what looked to be a perma- nent skirt ofwet, blackened soil. For a while I thought the bar of salt bracket- ed on one tree by the lake was an ex- perimental effort to neutralize uric acids before they hit the roots. lt turned out to be only a deer lick. Down by the lake I saw three men lying on the ground, talking. When they got up to go to dinner, one hugged another around the middle from behind and trudged up the bank with him that way, laughing. "Honey, I lost my ring and I want to sell the house," the third one said, mocking a homecom- ing speech. At dinner I sat across from a young broker who shared his wine with me and complained about his girlfriend. The meal (tournedos of beef) was festive and communal. The long ta- Bolxrnianj like th,-ir urnen utr:pp*'d dow,,: hofe Rornai; fe1,,,p', headless. chi r:le,j. legless lady i' Mwz,. AIDS HAS PUT A DAMPER ON THE GROVE'S RIVER ROAD PICKUP SCENE, Grove in 1967 that he, then the new governor, had assured Nixon that he wouldn't challenge him outright for the Republican nomination in 1968. Reagan didn't get the question the first time around. He pitched himself forward in his seat with a puzzled look, still trying to be genial. I repeated myself, and he said, "Yes, yes, that's true," in the famous furry voice. Then an old friend came up and snagged his attention. By the time I got back into the central camp- bies are lit by gas pipes that spring from the ears of wooden owl silhouettes three feet above the table, a haifdozen ofthese per table. Wine gets passed around (though members must sign for the bottles on a chit). Oid friends move among the tables, kissing one another, and a ruddy Bohemian gets up on a bench and, as his friends cheer him on, removes his cap and opens his mouth to sing. Great intimacy is achieved in song. The physical aspect ofBohemian male bond- BUT A MAN ON HIS OWN OFTEN GETS INVITED BACK TO CAMPS BY BROTHER BOHEMIANS NOVEMBER 1989 SPY 75
  17. 17. III GOT TO TAKE A SECOND TO DO SOME- T H I N G ing can't be overlooked. Even 100-year-old Grove annals have a homoerotic qua1ir with references to "slender, young Bohemians, clad in economi- cal bathing suits." Nudity was more common then. Today AIDS has put a damper on the Grove's River Road pickup scene, which Herb Caen used to write about in his San Francisco Chroniclegossip column.Just the same, a man on his own often gets invited back to camps by gay Bohemians. The weirdest approach I experi- enced came from a tall redhead in western wear, a fourth-generation Californian. He wandered up with a beer in his hand as I sat reading on a bench and, pausing for emphasis, pronounced, 'In the beginning the Lord createdcunts." WHEN RONALD REAGAN CAME TO THE GREEN make the two-year congressman's term four years. to reduce the number ofelections that we ha, because I think that's one ofthe reasons that only about 53 percent of the people vote. We're just overdoing it. There's a kind ofemotional experi. ence with an election year, that between state ekc. tions, local elections - and besides, with a two- year term, a congressman gets elected and the next day he starts campaigning for the next election.' I wanted to ask Reagan about efforts to dc- segregate the club. It's only a matter of time before the club gets sued under either Califor- nia's civil-rights act or San Franciscds civil. rights ordinance, both of which bar sex dis. crimination in business establishments. The Bohemians will be hard-pressed to prove tha they are a purely private club that falls out- side the legal defini. tion ofa business, when clearly so many mem bers participate for business-related rea- sons. Some day the walls will fall, though it's hard to see why any woman would want to join a crowd of old Republicans chewing NAUGHTY HERE," REAGAN SAID, "SINCE THIS IS AN ALL-STAG ARRANGEMENT" The Lamp of FeIlou'ìhip u'arrnj Bo1.'ernians to teu' heighu of brotherly loue. 76 SPY NOVEMBER 1989 parasol the next day, the organ player broke into "California, Here I Come." Reagan said that it was good to be back. The Grove had been a major factor in his "homesickness. . .when you are forced to be away, as I was, for eight years." The speech was canned and courtly Though he cursed now and then, he seemed uncomfort- able with the word damn, which he said almost sotto voce. He did take a crack at toilet humor: "You know, I got to take a second to do some- thing naughty here, since this is ari all-stag ar- rangement. You know how many times we've been in someone's home and we've wanted to go to the powder room and we've maybe said, 'Ex- cuse me, I've got to powder my nose.' Well, a man did that at a parrç and his hostess said, when he came back, she said, 'You must have the long- est nose in the world.' He said, 'What are you talking about?' She said, 'Your fly's open.'" Polite laughter. The only surprises came when he took ques- tions. He got rousing applause when he called for greater regulation ofthe media. "You know, the press conferences were adversarial bouts - they were there to trap me in something or other." Reagan also came out in favor of four - year terms for congressmen. "You know," he said, for he started every comment with that phrase, "I haven't said this publicly before. I would like to cigars and reminiscing about potency. I wrote "How do you feel about government and legal efforts to force the Club to admit worn en?" on a piece of Grove stationery and went up to the fellow taking questions from my section. by thegianr owl. Ir was a risk, but then it was my last hour of my first and last Grove. My bags were packeda camera in one pocket, a tape recorder in the other. Also, I'd tried to grab one ofthe free Bohemian Club walking sticks from the museum, something I could lean against my office wall with the B/C shield turned out to re- mind myself that this right-wing fantasia had not been just a dream. But there were none left; Bohemians had taken them all hiking. The moderator studied the page and asked who I was and what camp I was in. We were a few feet from the Lamp ofFellowship, and after looking me over he said he didn't know, this was pushing it. He didn't ask Reagan my question, of course. The rest of the questions were about the world outside the Grove. Then the organist struck up "America the Beautiful" and Reagan left in a red truck, waving. Later I heard a Bohemian on the River Road saying it had been brave ofReagan to take on all corners. But another Bohemian pointed out it really hadn't been a big risk. Who was going io offendihepresident? After all, this was Bohemia.)

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