Handling Difficult People

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Handling Difficult People

  1. 1. Handling Difficult People
  2. 2. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Unlimited Thinking Ltd </li></ul><ul><li>Training </li></ul><ul><li>3 Directors: </li></ul><ul><li>Cable & Wireless, Compaq, Motorola </li></ul><ul><li>BBC, Sony </li></ul><ul><li>Camera crew </li></ul><ul><li>six actors </li></ul><ul><li>9 Associates </li></ul>
  3. 3. Handling Difficult People Employees Customers
  4. 4. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>OBJECTIVES </li></ul><ul><li>BFO / “I know!” </li></ul><ul><li>Open mind / travelator </li></ul><ul><li>Seize the opportunity </li></ul><ul><li>Develop your technique </li></ul><ul><li>(with your own style) ease it into your daily work </li></ul><ul><li>(all change is gradual, and inclusive * ) </li></ul>
  5. 5. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>OBJECTIVES </li></ul><ul><li>Anticipate the issues </li></ul><ul><li>Nip them in the bud! </li></ul>
  6. 6. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Conflict at work is not healthy </li></ul><ul><li>“ 90% of conflict is absolutely avoidable” (CIPD) </li></ul>
  7. 7. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>‘ Line managers can be the solution as well as the cause of conflict.’ </li></ul><ul><li>The way Employment legislation has moved since 2003, the CIPD survey “Managing Conflict at Work” shows that there are more procedures but no reduction in Tribunal applications. More employers are likely to take legal advice since the introduction of these procedures. </li></ul><ul><li>So how can we prevent this? </li></ul>
  8. 8. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Ourselves </li></ul><ul><li>Amazing things – </li></ul><ul><li>Rational, even-tempered, charming, smiling, energised …. </li></ul>
  9. 9. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>… . you may say: </li></ul><ul><li>“ I don’t have any problems and I </li></ul><ul><li>know what I’m doing!” </li></ul>
  10. 10. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>It may happen tomorrow ..are you prepared? </li></ul>
  11. 11. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Words </li></ul><ul><li>Sound </li></ul><ul><li>Visuals </li></ul>
  12. 12. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>By labelling everyone the </li></ul><ul><li>same, we make dealing with the problem easier – provided we’re not interested in solving it. </li></ul><ul><li>Dietrich Doerner </li></ul>
  13. 13. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>55% behaviours are visual </li></ul><ul><li>38% sound of the conversation </li></ul><ul><li>7% meaning and effect of words </li></ul><ul><li>(Brinkman/ Kershner) </li></ul>
  14. 14. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Real Play </li></ul><ul><li>Rumours of Angels ? </li></ul>
  15. 15. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>55% - Behaviour = </li></ul><ul><li>what we see </li></ul>
  16. 16. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>55% = Non verbal behaviours </li></ul><ul><li>What are they? </li></ul><ul><li>- Posture, facials, rhythm, gesture </li></ul>
  17. 17. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>38% - sound </li></ul><ul><li>= tone and tempo </li></ul>
  18. 18. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>7% = Words </li></ul><ul><li>Valued </li></ul><ul><li>Understood </li></ul>
  19. 19. Handling Difficult People
  20. 20. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Pacing (non-verbal) </li></ul><ul><li>Comfortable, relaxed </li></ul><ul><li>Active listening, hands, posture </li></ul>
  21. 21. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Pacing </li></ul><ul><li>Meeting someone where they are. </li></ul><ul><li>They need to feel understood first. </li></ul>
  22. 22. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Confirm your understanding </li></ul><ul><li>Clarify and backtrack (not paraphrase) </li></ul><ul><li>Use their words / confirm you’ve listened </li></ul><ul><li>- (the shortest way to common ground) </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t add variables </li></ul><ul><li>THEN paraphrase </li></ul>
  23. 23. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Pacing : Tone: Rhythm </li></ul><ul><li>– find common ground * </li></ul><ul><li>Seek stepped agreement </li></ul>
  24. 24. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Role Play – Session 2 </li></ul><ul><li>Tools………. </li></ul>
  25. 25. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Intent state your in tent before you state your con tent </li></ul><ul><li>Criteria - options </li></ul><ul><li>Content - (fact based reasoning) </li></ul><ul><li>Process </li></ul><ul><li>Backtrack, clarify </li></ul><ul><li>.. until you understand each other </li></ul>
  26. 26. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Consider the INTENT </li></ul><ul><li>(what is really meant?) </li></ul><ul><li>Cards – do you have the full deck? </li></ul><ul><li>- Ask for another card </li></ul>
  27. 27. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Positive specific direction </li></ul><ul><li>Prepare to reduce conflict </li></ul><ul><li>Build co-operation and trust </li></ul>
  28. 28. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Role Play – Session 3 </li></ul><ul><li>Toolkit ….. </li></ul>
  29. 29. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Pacing </li></ul><ul><li>Meeting someone where they are. </li></ul><ul><li>They need to feel understood first. </li></ul>
  30. 30. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Set the bar </li></ul>
  31. 31. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>so, what will I do </li></ul><ul><li>differently? </li></ul>
  32. 32. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>A nticipate </li></ul><ul><li>P ace </li></ul><ul><li>O ffer- your values and discretion </li></ul><ul><li>S et the bar, use your anchors </li></ul><ul><li>T ime - make quality time </li></ul><ul><li>L isten, repeat their words </li></ul><ul><li>E nergise, endorse and review </li></ul>
  33. 33. Handling Difficult People <ul><li>Management is doing things right </li></ul><ul><li>Leadership is doing right things </li></ul><ul><li>Peter Drucker </li></ul>

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