Staying Connected to Your Teenager:
How to Keep Them Talking to You
and How to Hear What Theyre Really
Saying by Michael Riera
Get This Book!!!
From the co-author of Field Guide to the American Teenager and
parenting expert for The CBS Early Show, invaluable advice on parenting
teens. At last, a book of sage advice that will help frustrated parents
reconnect with their teenager and keep that connection even in todays
often-crazy world. The first step is simple: realizing that inside every teen
resides two very different people-the regressed child and the emergent
adult. The emergent adult is seen at school, on the playing field, in his first
job, and in front of his friends families. Unfortunately, his parents usually
see only the regressed child-moody and defiant-and, if theyre not on the
lookout, theyll miss seeing the more agreeable, increasingly adult thinker
in their midst. With ingenious strategies for coaxing the more attractive of
the two teen personalities into the home, family psychologist Mike Riera

gives new hope to beleaguered and harried parents. From moving from a
managing to a consulting role in a teens life, from working with a teens
uniquely exasperating sleep rhythms to having real conversations when
only monosyllables have been previously possible, Staying Connected to
Your Teenager demonstrates ways to bring out the best in a teen-and,
consequently, in an entire family.
Personal Review: Staying Connected to Your Teenager: How to
Keep Them Talking to You and How to Hear What Theyre Really
Saying by Michael Riera
My daughter is nearly twelve and for the last few months our relationship
has been deteriorating steadily. She's such a different personality from me
that I found my intuition - which has always helped me greatly with my son
- was of no use at all. All I knew was that on a daily basis I was failing as a
parent and neither of us were having any fun.
Staying Connected To Your Teenager has been extremely helpful in
providing some perspective and some useful suggestions. Like many
other books of this type, often the greatest benefit comes from stepping
back a little and considering events from a slightly new perspective. When
I disagree with the author I find myself having to think through my own
approach carefully, which is very beneficial. And when the author seems
to be on solid ground I feel as if I've been given a key to the door that has
until now barred the way between my daughter and me.
As a European I'm still puzzled as to why American teenagers seem to be
so much more difficult to handle than teenagers in other cultures. Perhaps
it is a combination of an extended childhood, the lack of serious
responsibilities, and an entertainment-oriented lifestyle in which if things
are not effortlessly fun they are automatically boring. But whatever the
underlying causes of American Teenage Malaise, my daughter is 100%
American raised and consequently I need to understand how to be a more
effective parent in this context. This book has provided me with several
useful approaches and has led to me developing several more as a result
of thinking through matters in light of the author's observations.
I do wish there was an alternative to the standard American approach to
sexuality but the innate assumptions of the author, made explicit, have
helped me to understand a little more how US culture sees this area of
human activity and therefore, by extension, how my daughter will
increasingly see it as she grows up. I may not like it, but I need to
understand it and react accordingly, even while I yearn for some way that
she could spend a few years elsewhere to round out her understanding
and provide a more adult context for this important part of human life.
I can recommend this highly to anyone struggling with the teenage years,
even if - as is my case - the children in question aren't even officially
teenagers yet.

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