Letting Go (Fifth Edition): A Parents
Guide to Understanding the College
Years by Madge Lawrence Treeger
Letting Go
Letting Go is about what it feels like for parents when their kids go off to
college. Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger provide a
compassionate approach, practical information, and advice about the
physical and emotional processes of letting go. They discuss the college-
age childs search for identity, independence, and intimacy; give a succinct
and accurate description of how college life has changed over the
decades; and provide a year-by-year breakdown of what to expect. Plus,
you can read about typical and not-so-typical problems including date
rape, crime, eating disorders, drug and alcohol use, and sexual issues. Of
special note is the focus on orientation and the freshman year, including
the disorientation parents feel once the drop-off has been made.

Personal Review: Letting Go (Fifth Edition): A Parents Guide to
Understanding the College Years by Madge Lawrence Treeger
I picked up this book 10 days after dropping my only child, only 16 years
old, off at college. I read it cover to cover in two days, and honestly, it was
a life-changing experience.
I had thought I was prepared for this transition, but I found myself worrying
so much I couldn't sleep at night. My day was either great or horrible
depending on whether my college student called or not. I knew I needed
some guidance, and this book was right on target.
Much like the best child-rearing books dealing with younger children, it
points out the normal developmental challenges faced at each stage, from
the start of the college selection process through college graduation. The
book gives examples of ways that different students may face these
challenges, and how parents can help or hurt along the way.
I found it especially helpful in reshaping how I communicate with my child.
There are suggestions for how to get your child to open up and talk about
whatever is on his or her mind. I tried some of them, and they REALLY
WORKED! There are also examples of things parents might say or do that
can completely shut down their student's willingness to share.
I also found the book helpful in coming to terms with the fact that I am no
longer in control of my student's choices. Before I read the book, I found
that idea quite scary, but afterwards I was able to realize how to make
suggestions without being bossy or undermining her developing sense of
control, competence, and independence. There is also a lot of good advice
about the importance of supporting and affirming your student's decisions.
I recommend this book to any parent who wants to rethink their
relationship with their child as they move on to the college stage of life.
The best time to buy it would be when you are beginning the college
search process in the junior or senior year of high school. But it helped me
tremendously even though I didn't read it until she had already left and I
was wallowing in the dreaded "empty nest syndrome".
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