Its My Life Now: Starting Over After
an Abusive Relationship or Domestic
Violence, 2nd Edition by Roger R.
Hock
An Invaluable Help In The Healing Process
Book Description Those who have never experienced an abusive or
violent relationship often believe that upon finding their way out, victims
difficulties are solved: their life is good, they are safe, and recovery will be
swift. However, survivors of abuse know that leaving is not the end of the
nightmare; it is the beginning of a difficult journey toward healing and
happiness. Its My Life Now offers readers the practical guidance,
emotional reassurance, and psychological awareness that survivors of
relationship abuse and domestic violence need to help them heal and
reclaim their lives after leaving their abusers. Since its publication in 2000,
Its My Life Now has been highly successful as a working manual for
survivors who are starting their lives over after an abusive relationship,

combining guidance on practical and emotional issues with worksheets
and self-exploration exercises. In the second edition, Dugan and Hock
include updated information and resources while encompassing a wider
range of individuals. Download Description A book for survivors of an
abusive relationship, no matter how much time has passed since the
abuse occurred. This book provides accessible, practical information on
how to protect yourself once youve left the relationship and how to get
through the difficult emotions that accompany leaving and rebuilding an
abuse-free, effective life.
Personal Review: Its My Life Now: Starting Over After an
Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition by
Roger R. Hock
It's My Life Now fills an important gap in the literature on domestic
violence. There are several great books out there that help bring the
abused to the point of recognizing that they are in an abusive relationship
that they must escape. These books help clarify the patterns and cycles
that are common to so many abusive relationships. When searching for
help and healing myself, I largely encountered books that told me how to
get out, get safe, and (had I any children) get custody. But at that point, I
had already fought my way out of my abuser's grasp and was searching for
something to help me untangle the webs of control, humiliation, and verbal
abuse I had endured. I was also struggling with difficult feelings of guilt,
loss, and anger that I needed some guidance to process. That is where
this book came in: the practical guide to regaining yourself after enduring
abuse and/or violence.
What is so valuable and remarkable about this book, compared to many
others, is that it walks the abused through the complicated (and admittedly
frightening) time AFTER she gets out of the relationship.
It begins with the typical identification of abuse and abusive behaviors, but
as this book is written for those who have already left their abuser, this list
serves a different purpose. In an incredibly reassuring and helpful chapter
that addresses the feelings of love for the abuser that may still remain, we
are asked to make a list of the qualities that were attractive in him in the
first place. Then, we return to the initial chapter's list of abusive behaviors
and make a list of what type of abuses were committed and with what
frequency. The positive list serves to reassure the abused that she had
compelling reasons for being attracted to the abuser, while the abuses list
reminds her that the abuser (however charming) is not who he seemed.
There are many more simple, journal-style exercises that I found important
for gaining insight and perspective.
The book addresses key issues I encountered in the uncomfortable period
that ensued within one week or two of leaving my abuser. The author also
recommends that readers return to these topics and exercises one month
later, for comparison. (Perspective is everything.) I have emphatically
recommended this book to the women I have met in domestic violence

support groups, who have returned nothing but praise for the usefulness,
pertinence and clarity of It's My Life Now. I have found it invaluable in my
own process and will continue to refer to it when I require strength or
guidance.
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