For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty
in Child-Rearing and the Roots of
Violence by Alice Miller
To Save The World: This Must Read
Miller explores the backgrounds of extreme cases of self-destructive and
violent individuals to further her theories on longterm consequences of
abusive childrearing. Her conclusions about what creates a drug addict, a
murderer, even a Hitler, stray far from psychoanalytic dogma about
human nature. Miller paints a jolting picture of the violent world each
generation helps shape when traditional upbringing, with its hidden
cruelty, is perpetuated. She also offers a way out by striving to resensitize
the child in the adult, to unlock an emotional life frozen in repression.
Personal Review: For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-
Rearing and the Roots of Violence by Alice Miller
Alice Miller digs into the psycho-history behind the mental-illness cases
she deals with, turning her lights on the legacy of parent education from

medieval through early-modern times. And to a large degree Miller lays the
blame for traditions of mental illness on Christian theology. If children were
presumed to be born evil, then the struggle to raise them could be
something like exorcizing demons. How should a God-fearing parent
proceed? The examples Miller cites from parenting literature are many and
disturbing. In a 1740s "Essay on the Education and Instruction of
Children", J. Sulzer, argues that the first necessary step was for children to
learn that the world of adults had an established order, which could not be
altered by wailing protests or selfish demands. Second, they must learn to
obey the authors of that order:
"The second major matter to which one must dedicate oneself beginning
with the second and third year is a strict obedience to parents and
superiors and a trusting acceptance of all they do. These qualities are not
only absolutely necessary for the success of a child's education, but they
have a very strong influence on education in general. They are essential
because they impart to the mind orderliness per se and a spirit of
submission to the laws. A child who is not used to obeying his parents will
also not willingly submit to the laws and rules of reason once he is on his
own ..., since he is already accustomed to act in accordance with his own
will. Obedience is so important that all education is actually nothing other
than learning how to obey." (p.12)
Perhaps Miller aims indiscriminately at religion in general. She is focused
on cases of abuse, like a policeman who sees crime all day. Her call for
compassion is not the whole answer for parents, but it is crucial for a saner
world.
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