conflict managementfor multifamilyprofessionalsdoug chasick, CPM ®,   CAPS, CAS, Adv. RAM, CLP, SLE, CDEIchief learning of...
•   difficult or upset?•   suffer•   3 stages of conflict•   2 management skills•   6 quick tips
difficultor upset
difficult?
what do they   • to be center of  want?          attention               • disrupt everyone                 and everything...
upset?
what do they   • to be taken  want?          seriously               • to be treated with                 respect         ...
suffer
s   •surrenderu   •understandf   •faultlessf   •facilitatee   •empathizer   •resolve
3 stagesofconflict
three stages of conflict
twoskills
listeningbarrierskillersenhancers
art of questioning     •closed is,      was, did, etc.     •open: who,      what, when,      where, why, or      how.
communication tips• impersonal• “I” – not - “You”• take responsibility• avoid causing  defensiveness• conquer the language...
handling predictable hassles
when someone:  •makes a rude   statement  •complains of too   many troubles  •won’t stop arguing  •belabors a point  •blam...
ask yourself:•“Why is this event or person pushing one of my hot buttons?”•“What is my level of commitment to this person?...
electronic communications             •People will say              things in e-mail              they would never        ...
the power of three . . .
six tips
tip 1: focus• know what you want• be here now• be firm and flexible• find common ground• remember the goal
tip 2: do not generalizedo not use “absolute” words like:  never, always, they , them. . .
tip 3: beware   of policy
tip 4: support your team
tip 5: do not patronize
tip 6: seek first to understand “Seek first to understand, then       to be understood”                      -Steven Covey
bonustip
L.E.A.R.N to resolve conflict
•   difficult or upset?•   suffer•   3 stages of conflict•   2 management skills•   6 quick tips
Doug Chasick, CPM®, CAPS, CAS Adv. RAM, CLP, SLE, CDEI              Chief Learning Officer,           CallSource Multifami...
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Conflict Management for Multifamily Professionals

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  • Let’s take a look at what we will learn in today’s program. We are going to discuss what makes a person difficult or upset. We will focus on two specific skills to managing difficult people. We will gain an understanding of the three stages of conflict, and we will L.E.A.R.N. the simple five step process to dealing with difficult people. At the end of the program we will give you 6 quick tips to navigating through conflict with the least amount of grief. By the end of this program you will have a toolbox full of valuable resources that you can use in your next situation of dealing with a difficult person.
  • There are three primary stages to conflict. The first is everyday concerns and disputes – these are the least threatening and are best addressed with basic coping strategies. Since this is a class for supervisors, we are going to focus more heavily on the types of disputes that you most commonly deal with and that would be stage 2 and stage 3 conflict. Stage 2 conflict consists of more significant challenges. These are conflicts that have longer-term consequences and higher emotional involvement. A specific skill set is required to deal with these conflicts so that they do not rise to stage 3 conflicts. Stage 3 conflict is an overt battle. This is where volatile emotions rage with a desire to win is surpassed by the desire to punish or cause harm. If a battle gets to this point, a set of specific intervention skills are necessary. Oftentimes when a conflict reaches this level, it is best to press the pause button, and allow time to cool down, to get back to a stage 2 conflict.
  • Listening is the first step to successful navigation of conflict. It is also the place where most of us fail miserably. As property managers we are “fixers” we are bred to fix things quickly and efficiently. By the time someone comes to us with anger and frustration as their primary emotions, they don’t simply want it fixed, that is what they wanted in stage one, now they want to be heard. We must actively slow ourselves down and pause to listen. Some barriers to listening are: the timing of the problem – it always seems to happen when you have critical deadlines for other non-related issues; the environment – it also almost always happens when you have an office full of people. These are the types of things that can become barriers to listening. Listening Killers are things like: our own personal paradigms – such as our opinions of the other person or their complaint; emotional reactions to the other person’s approach – we must keep our temper under control in these situations as we do not at this point know what other is truly upset about. They never seem to come in and calmly say, “this is my problem, and how are we going to solve it” so it is up to us to be the calm in the storm.Now let’s discuss Listening Enhancers – Focusing on the person and their message is critical paying attention, taking notes, and showing open and accepting body language helps the message to become more clear. Being flexible, and not pre-judging the situation too early also greatly enhances the ability to listen.
  • Asking questions is a critical component to conflict resolution. The best tool in your toolbox is the ability to ask questions and to artfully guide a conversation from trouble to resolution. Often if the right line of questioning is used you can guide the person to find their own resolution to the problem. You should avoid questions that are closed. Closed questions usually resort in one or two word answers. Closed questions usually begin with Is, Was, Did, and so on, and usually result in a yes or no answer. The artful open question leads to discussion. Open questions require the person to expand on the story and gives you more information, which is critical to deal with. Open questions usually begin with Who, What, When, Where, Why, or How. The unique position that we have is we can ask the simple question, “What would be the best result of this situation for you”. More often than not, the complaining person will answer that question with far less than what you were already willing to give.
  • When communicating with people that are difficult or upset, remember to keep it impersonal. This is the first step to de-escalating emotion. Using first person terms such as “I” instead of “you” takes away the feeling of being attacked. By taking responsibility for being an active partner in the solution, you can diffuse the person that is upset and can gain a cooperative partner in resolution. Avoid phrases that cause defensiveness. As we discussed in the art of questioning, phrasing your questions like someone that is engaged in the conversation, and not interrogating the other person is crucial. Conquer the language barrier, this not only applies to working with people that English is a second language, it also applies to people that are maybe using different terminology than you. For example if someone keeps referring to an element of the apartment that you are not absolutely certain of, clarify such as the complaining party says there is a problem in John’s bathroom, clarify by saying, “I want to make certain that we are talking about the same bathroom, is John’s bathroom, the one attached to the master bedroom?”. And finally be forever vigilant in being the calm in the storm for this person. They are on an emotional ride, we can be the safe haven as long as we stay even tempered, and keep providing a place that is stable for them.
  • Many areas of conflict are downright predictable, let’s discuss a few ways to handle some of those more predictable hassles that occur.
  • Engaging in conflict via electronic media, such as e-mail, text messaging, voice-mail, blogging, text messaging or message boards, should be avoided at all costs. People tend to have far more courage to say things in electronic communications than they would ever say in a face to face situation. If you find yourself in a conflict via e-mail, try to move the conversation to an in-person conversation preferably in the same room or at least by telephone. If you cannot do this, and are conversing via e-mail, remember to use proper English and complete sentences. As a society we tend to abbreviate our conversations in e-mail and text messaging. It is important to address the other party appropriately in the e-mail, and to maintain professionalism. A tit-for-tat response will ultimately prove to escalate the situation. Always be mindful, that you do not know in this type of conversation, who else may be copied on your responses and that this is an absolute history or account of what has been said.
  • Realize the power of three – when someone is upset and exerting an aggressive tone, often times they need to state their issue three times before you intervene. The first time they say it, they simply blurt it out not even realizing that they said it. The second time they say it, the state it with a little more fact and slightly less emotion. By the third time, if they have not been interrupted by you, they begin to hear themselves and oftentimes realize that they may be less than rational. As property managers we are “fixers” – meaning we are already trying to solve their problem or identify where they are wrong. If we make a mistake and jump straight to the solution we miss a critical step of acknowledgement. Now that you’ve gotten their emotions handled, you still have to deal with the practicalities of this person and their affect on your life. Sometimes it’s enough to just manage your emotions, but other times that isn’t enough — you need to take action to address the situation. In this case I use logic and intelligence to decide what to do, depending on the specifics of the situation. It’s like playing a game of chess — if I do this, then how will this person react? Even with irrational and hurtful people, their behavior is often predictable to some degree if you know a little about them. Human behavior is purposeful, but it can be hard to figure out the other person’s intentions. Use what you do know to anticipate their responses to various possible actions you might take. Your information may be imperfect, but do the best you can.
  • You must remain focused on the project at hand. When you are dealing with conflict, it becomes your number one priority. Actively know what you want in the end, pay close attention to the situation and be flexible if new information surfaces mid way through. Use the pacing of your voice to match and gradually decrease the pace of the person with whom you are speaking. Make every effort to find some common ground between you and the person that you are speaking with. Constantly state and reaffirm your commitment to a positive result for all parties involved.
  • Using absolute words such as always or never seems to elicit a higher emotional reaction from people. An example of this would be, my maintenance supervisor would NEVER do something like that, a less challenging approach would be: I am very surprised to hear that, I would like the opportunity to look into that further.
  • Think about the last time you personally had a customer service issue and the customer service person that you spoke with kept quoting policy, did this help the situation, or just serve to anger you more. When we are dealing with conflict that is a policy issue, the complaining person does not want to hear about your policy as that in their opinion is often a “made-up” rule that should be broken especially for them. A good example of this would be a person complaining about a late fee. Our typical response would be “I’m sorry Mr. resident but that is company policy”. A better way to say this would be, “We charge a late fee Mr. resident because we expect the rent to be paid by the due date. I’m sure you understand.” When you add the “we” or “I” at the beginning of the sentence, you are stating that this is the way you feel, and not some corporation that has no name or face. It is much harder for someone to have anger for a person as opposed to an organization.
  • As a supervisor, we encounter conflict where the complaining party has already interacted with a team member. To reverse a decision by one of your employees has great potential for a negative effect. The first message that you have sent by doing this is to your employee, that you have basically made them look like the bad guy. The second message that you have sent is to the resident, that if they want to get what they want, they must skip the process or chain of command, and go directly to you. If you find that an employee has made a decision that you need to overrule, seek to allow the employee to be the hero in the situation, by allowing them to go back to the complaining party and say that they “went to bat” on the residents behalf, and can grant them what they seek.
  • People hate to be patronized, especially when they are angry. To treat someone like a child or to minimize their concern, will only lead to an escalated level of emotion, and will take you away from the goal of a win-win resolution.
  • Steven Covey said it best when he said “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”. If we remain vigilante to problem solving we will more often than not find the win-win solution to problems. If we make decisions with only part of the information, we are destined for failure. Commit to the process of listening actively, and to gather as much data as possible so that you can feel entirely comfortable in your actions.
  • There is a five step process to navigate your way through conflict resolution. It is easily memorable from the acronym, L.E.A.R.N. – Learn stands for listen, empathize, ask, react, and nurture. We will discuss exactly what we mean by each of these steps in the next few minutes of the program.
  • Let’s take a look at what we will learn in today’s program. We are going to discuss what makes a person difficult or upset. We will focus on two specific skills to managing difficult people. We will gain an understanding of the three stages of conflict, and we will L.E.A.R.N. the simple five step process to dealing with difficult people. At the end of the program we will give you 6 quick tips to navigating through conflict with the least amount of grief. By the end of this program you will have a toolbox full of valuable resources that you can use in your next situation of dealing with a difficult person.
  • Conflict Management for Multifamily Professionals

    1. 1. conflict managementfor multifamilyprofessionalsdoug chasick, CPM ®, CAPS, CAS, Adv. RAM, CLP, SLE, CDEIchief learning officercallsource multifamily
    2. 2. • difficult or upset?• suffer• 3 stages of conflict• 2 management skills• 6 quick tips
    3. 3. difficultor upset
    4. 4. difficult?
    5. 5. what do they • to be center of want? attention • disrupt everyone and everything • me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me . . . • more misery for everyone but them • your life to suck more than theirs
    6. 6. upset?
    7. 7. what do they • to be taken want? seriously • to be treated with respect • to get immediate attention • to gain satisfaction • to clear up the problem • to be listened to!
    8. 8. suffer
    9. 9. s •surrenderu •understandf •faultlessf •facilitatee •empathizer •resolve
    10. 10. 3 stagesofconflict
    11. 11. three stages of conflict
    12. 12. twoskills
    13. 13. listeningbarrierskillersenhancers
    14. 14. art of questioning •closed is, was, did, etc. •open: who, what, when, where, why, or how.
    15. 15. communication tips• impersonal• “I” – not - “You”• take responsibility• avoid causing defensiveness• conquer the language barrier• stay calm
    16. 16. handling predictable hassles
    17. 17. when someone: •makes a rude statement •complains of too many troubles •won’t stop arguing •belabors a point •blames you when you are not at fault •pushes your buttons
    18. 18. ask yourself:•“Why is this event or person pushing one of my hot buttons?”•“What is my level of commitment to this person?”•“What else is happening right now in my life?”•“On a scale of 1-10, just how important is this?”
    19. 19. electronic communications •People will say things in e-mail they would never say face-to-face •Move to an in- person conversation wherever possible •Using complete sentences is crucial •Remember this is an absolute history
    20. 20. the power of three . . .
    21. 21. six tips
    22. 22. tip 1: focus• know what you want• be here now• be firm and flexible• find common ground• remember the goal
    23. 23. tip 2: do not generalizedo not use “absolute” words like: never, always, they , them. . .
    24. 24. tip 3: beware of policy
    25. 25. tip 4: support your team
    26. 26. tip 5: do not patronize
    27. 27. tip 6: seek first to understand “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” -Steven Covey
    28. 28. bonustip
    29. 29. L.E.A.R.N to resolve conflict
    30. 30. • difficult or upset?• suffer• 3 stages of conflict• 2 management skills• 6 quick tips
    31. 31. Doug Chasick, CPM®, CAPS, CAS Adv. RAM, CLP, SLE, CDEI Chief Learning Officer, CallSource Multifamily DChasick@CallSourceMultifamily.com http://multifamily.callsource.com www.linkedin.com/in/dougchasick www.facebook.com/aptdoctor www.twitter.com/aptdoctor 1-888-222-1214

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