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Overindulgence2005

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  • The research behind this presentation on overindulgence is based on three separate research studies conducted by Illsley, Clarke, and Bredehoft with a combined 1,195 participants. The studies showed a strong link between childhood overindulgence and lack of important like-skills and unhelpful attitudes and beliefs in later like.
  • Transcript

    • 1. Overindulgence & Teaching Responsibility Facilitated by Lori Zierl Pierce County UW-Extension Family Living Agent
    • 2. What Is Overindulgence?
      • Giving children too much, too soon, too long
      • Giving things or experiences that are not appropriate for their age, interests and talents
      • Giving things to children to meet the adult’s needs, not the child’s needs
    • 3. What Is Overindulgence? (Continued)
      • Giving a disproportionate amount of family resources to one or more children
      • Children experience scarcity in the midst of plenty
    • 4. What Is Overindulgence? (Continued)
      • Overindulgence is doing or having so much of something that it does active harm or at least stagnates and deprives that person of achieving their full potential
    • 5. What Is Overindulgence? (Continued)
      • Overindulgence is a form of child neglect
      • It hinders children from doing their developmental tasks, and from learning necessary life lessons
      • ( How Much is Enough? by Clarke, Dawson & Bredehoft)
    • 6. Are You Overindulgent?
      • Do you suspect that you might be overindulging your children?
    • 7. Overindulgence
      • Undercuts self-discipline
    • 8. Clues to Overindulgence
      • Hinders child from learning tasks that support development and learning
      • Gives disproportionate amount of family resources to one or more of the children
      • Benefits adult more than child
      • Child’s behavior potentially harm others, society, or the planet in some way
      • ( How Much is Enough? by Clarke, Dawson & Bredehoft)
    • 9. Hazards of Overindulgence
      • Trouble learning delayed gratification
      • Trouble giving up being the center of attention
      • Trouble becoming competent in:
        • Everyday skills
        • Self-care skills
        • Skill of relating to others
    • 10. Hazards of Overindulgence (continued)
      • Trouble taking personal responsibility
      • Trouble developing a sense of personal identity
      • Trouble knowing what is enough
      • Trouble knowing what is normal for other people
      • ( How Much is Enough? by Clarke, Dawson & Bredehoft)
    • 11. What is Enough?
      • Too Little
      • Enough
      • Abundance
      • Too Much
    • 12. Who Overindulged?
      • Both parents 43%
      • Mom 42%
      • Dad 11%
      • Grandmother 4%
      • ( How Much is Enough? by Clarke, Dawson & Bredehoft)
    • 13. How Were Children Overindulged?
      • 53% Having things done for child
      • 41% Clothes
      • 36% Privileges
      • 35% Toys
      • 32% Allowed to dominate family
      • 32% Not having to learn skills that were expected of other children
      • ( How Much is Enough? by Clarke, Dawson & Bredehoft)
    • 14. Reasons Parents Overindulged
      • 49% Issues stemming from the parent
      • 18% Death of a loved one
      • 15% Illness
      • 10% Birth order
      • ( How Much is Enough? by Clarke, Dawson & Bredehoft)
    • 15. Areas of Overindulgence
      • Too many things
      • Over-nurturing
      • Soft structure
    • 16. Too Many Things
      • Clothes 41%
      • Toys 35%
      • Lessons 22%
      • Entertainment 18%
      • Holidays 17%
      • ( How Much is Enough? by Clarke, Dawson & Bredehoft)
    • 17. Too Many Clothes
      • “ I’ve got nothing to wear.”
    • 18. Too Many Toys
      • Children’s play is children’s work
      • Are today’s toys merely preparing children to become consumers?
    • 19. Too Many Activities
      • “ Many families are over-scheduled outside the family and under-scheduled inside the family.”
      • ( The Intentional Family by William Doherty)
    • 20. Look For Balance
    • 21. What is Nurturing?
      • All the ways we provide for the soft needs’ love, touch, warmth, attention, support, stimulation, recognition and response
    • 22. Over-nurtured Adults Say…
      • Parents did things for me that I should have done myself
      • Parents gave me too much attention
      • I was allowed lots of privileges
      • Parents made sure I was entertained
      • ( How Much is Enough? by Clarke, Dawson & Bredehoft)
    • 23. Too Much Over-nurturing
      • Nurturing becomes overindulgence when it involves doing things for children they are able to do, and should be expected to do, for themselves
    • 24. Over-nurturing
      • When parents over-function for a child able to function for herself, the child tends to under-function
    • 25. What is Structure?
      • Structure is the firm side, the “how to” of care
      • It’s the bones
    • 26. Overindulged Adults Say…
      • Parents did not expect me to do chores
      • Not expected to learn same skills as other children
      • Parent’s didn’t have rules or make me follow the
      • Parents gave me too much freedom
      • ( How Much is Enough? by Clarke, Dawson & Bredehoft)
    • 27. Too Soft Structure
      • No rules
      • Not enforcing the rules
      • No chores
      • Too much freedom
      • Allowed to dominate the family
    • 28. Why is Soft Structure a Form of Overindulgence?
      • Children fail to learn important life skills
      • They do not learn how to set and respect boundaries
    • 29. What is Firm Structure?
      • Reasonable rules that are consistently enforced
      • Mastery of skills
      • Learning family values
    • 30. How to Establish Structure
      • Set limits, boundaries, and standards with rules
      • Enforce the rules with rewards for compliance and discomforting consequences for noncompliance
    • 31. What is a Rule?
      • “ A principle or standard to which an action conforms.”
    • 32. Chores
      • The expectation that a child will do chores lets a child know that he is valued as a contributing member of the family
    • 33. Too Much Freedom
      • Scary for an inexperienced child
      • Expects children to handle people and situations without having learned how to do so safely or responsibly
    • 34. Good Freedom
      • Allows children to explore or experiment within the bounds of safety and their abilities
      • Allows for learning important lessons from experience
      • Allows for creativity without destruction
    • 35. How to Develop Responsibility in Children
      • Be a responsible person (role model)
      • Communicate expectations clearly
      • Allow children to be involved
    • 36. Developing Responsibility (Continued)
      • Offer encouragement, love, and attention
      • Let children know you believe in them
      • Present task in a way that fits your child’s learning styles
    • 37. Developing Responsibility (Continued)
      • Responsibility should be age appropriate
      • Allow for consequences
      • Children should not be given an allowance for chores
    • 38. Developing Responsibility (Continued)
      • Allow for mistakes and imperfections
      • Set limits and give fewer choices if a child repeatedly fails to fulfill his responsibilities
      • Don’t set your child up to rebel
    • 39. Remember…
      • Resist redoing a task done by a child
      • Divide a task into smaller parts to help a child get it done
      • Parents can encourage a child to do chores by expressing appreciation and encouragement
    • 40. Resources
      • How Much is Enough? Everything You Need to Know to Steer Clear of Overindulgence and Raise Likeable, Responsible and Respectful Children
      • Clarke, Dawson, & Bredehoft, 2004
    • 41. Resources
      • When Is Enough, Enough?: What You Can Do If You Never Feel Satisfied.
      • Meyerson and Ashner, 1996
      • Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
      • John Gottman, 1997
      • Growing Up Again, Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children.
      • Clarke and Dawson, 1998
    • 42. Lori Zierl, Family Living Agent
      • UW-Extension Pierce County
      • Pierce County Office Building
      • 412 West Kinne Street, P.O. Box 69
      • Ellsworth, WI 54011-0069
      • 715-273-6781
      • University of Wisconsin-Extension, U.S. Dept. of Agriculture and
      • Wisconsin counties cooperating. UW-Extension provides equal
      • opportunities in employment and programming, including Title IX and
      • ADA.