1. The Illusion of Inclusion:
Where "Lean In" falls short
By Angela Moragne
For the past several months, I have periodically found myself face to face with the television, helpless to
engage as is forever the case, a highly praised & repeatedly promoted concept which on the surface
appears all rose colored glasses & the better mouse trap. However with just a bit of scrutiny, it collapses
upon itself.
Last evening it was this "Lean In" debacle. On the surface it "sounds" terrific. Get women talking more
about wage inequality so it translates into equal pay for equal work via decisive action. "Ask for that
raise!", "Demand a flexible work schedule and vacation time!", "Stand up to the boss who passes you
over for yet another promotion!"-WOW! How great this is or is it?
Far too many times those at the top spend more time
looking down upon the rest of us than out and over the
entire landscape. The difference being more often than not
"they" while conversing amongst themselves come to a
conclusion which convinces them they have it "all figured
out!" When nothing could be further from the truth. Often
the truth & nothing but the truth demands getting dirty. In
order to achieve this seemingly elusive feat, those
professing to "get it" must be open, willing and able to drill down into causal effects. They must be
prepared to dig deep into the existing issues lifting up rocks and shining a spotlight on those demons
lurking in the corners and crevices of the issues they claim to be solving. You must be prepared to accept
being uncomfortable with what is discovered in order to bring comfort.
Until there is an unwavering commitment to engage ALL levels of an effort vs. merely those you choose
to see, the failures shall far outweigh sustainable successes. Moreover, these micro "successes" may
benefit a clique closely aligned with the very purveyors seeking the so called truth when it should bring
macro benefits and benefactors.
Before diving knee deep into my issues with Lean In, let me be clear, I am a pervasive and highly flawed
cynic. I am also a business owner, a mom, an aunt, a sister with 6 sisters, a niece to 4+ aunts, a granny,
a friend and even a pain in the proverbial ass. I accept this, because I continue to seek the truths about
me no matter the insecurity and/or anger it may cause. A methodology many "causes" need adopt.
2. I am also 54 yrs of age. I have raised college grads, a US Marine & former United States Senate candidate
for Wisconsin, a multi-millionaire developer with not 1, 2 but 3 degrees (2 BA 1 MBA International
business) and a CEO-business owner, my partner in crime for That Salsa Lady. The latter 2 are my
daughters. I have also lost many a job because I did not "play the game"! I repeatedly refused to smile
and grin while others be paid more than me for doing lesser work, gain positions I busted my ass to
obtain, not to mention, address injustices others were too fearful or discontented to acknowledge or
address. It is because of a life entrenched in the muck of inequality, I get why Lean In's naivete is failing
to achieve more and why!
Knowing a bit more about my background may allow you to listen a bit more intently and openly at what
you are hopefully reading aloud-ok maybe off and on during a break you had to sneak in the bathroom
stall because you like most women of color are not in a position to demand anythingfrom your employer.
Hell! You probably feel lucky (oddly a word I am not fond of-I am part Irish. Tsk Tsk, do not go there- I
said PART Irish. I am Black-lol), to have been hired at a lower wage than everyone else doing the same
or lesser work. So you keep your head down and push forward so you can avoid being reprimanded for
things others who do not look like you partake in as if they have a golden ticket, while you rub two
pennies together for a bus ticket, a loaf of bread, a pair of used trousers, etc. As the load gets heavier
from reduced benefits, to inflation, you do what it takes to keep your nose above water. Why? Because
to think of the gargantuan feat it would take to get & hold your head above, while treading so closely to
the edge, just may be the "straw" that breaks your back. So you remain in a squatting position, shit truth
be told often on yo knees, trying to PUSH UP! You see people, in order to "Lean In" one must first be
able to stand.
Which brings me back to Lean In. My problem with Lean In is it fails to; I would argue by design, address
how women of color overwhelmingly are doing far more for far less. Lean In appears to look at a cute
little landscape of "working women" with manicured lawns and pedicured hedges, karate lessons, dog
breeders, housekeepers & husbands, while it turns a blind eye to the very people- the Black & Brown
women, who serve them that steaming cup of latte, raise their children, clean their houses, malls,
hospitals & wipe their asses & clean their bed pans when sick, etc etc etc. When a cause is led by a group
who literally does not have "Black or Brown skin" in the game, the game is usually rigged against those
who do.
I have said for decades, "If you are not at the table, you are on the menu!" Lean In is yet another cause
which leaves Blacks and other women of color to clear the table vs. being at it. If they are serious
about being the difference then they must be different!
Accepting men alone cannot adequately solve women's issues falls short. Sustainably systemic solutions
(say that fast 3x), occur when people from varying walks of life are part of the equation. Black women
and those of lower socio economic means must be included. If you are leading a cause which professes
3. to address women's issues, then you must be fluent in the language of those women who fall outside of
your comfort zone. Doing so, creates a voice which resonates so loudly it cannot be ignored.
Being different commands a movement inclusive of those you are leaving out or didn't even consider.
This is done by stepping outside of your comfort zone and leaning into the reality which is an equal living
wage for all women-that starts and ends with women of color.
Like the rapper spouts, "We started from the bottom now we here!" Lean In, if it is to be truly effective,
must dismantle their trickle down hierarchy and start from the bottom! When you do this, the results
push themselves up thru the dirt which is centuries of injustices, prejudices, and the like, into a life most
Black women fight to maintain to work another day.
I know, I know, you are comfortable with the pearls and the valley girls-silicon valley & silicon boobs,
however, in this Age of Aquarius, these two millenniums of enlightenment, be enlightened. Lean In to a
conversation with a woman who does not look like you, may work for you and definately aint making
the money you do. BE UNCOMFORTABLE! Courage is when you are afraid but proceed anyway!
Do not get it bent (do not misconstrue what I am saying), Black women, although we could use a lot of
damned help, do not need a savior! Hell, if we did, then Jesus would be outta a job. My point is simple,
treat every woman how YOU want to be treated. Rid yourself of the condescension. Instead look at your
similarities for comfort. Accept your differences vs. being threatened by them. Even if there is a bit of
envy and/or resentment on both sides, it needs to be hashed out if the methodology is to be usefully
applied-you must look at you first then Lean In to looking out for someone else-simultaneously.
When we realize there is more than enough to go around, we are less inclined to hoard the goodies as
we leave others to scavenge for scraps. What must happen is a change in messaging.
1. The folks of Lean In and others purporting to be like them, must stop referring to themselves as
well as allowing men to refer to ADULT females as girls,
2. Girls as princesses and
3. Men as a meal ticket. The latter is not a means to make our way-other women are!
Take me for example! I refuse to be called a "Lady". GASP! I know! OMG! The first thing which comes to
mind is "What do you want to be called a man?" Well NOoooo! But close. Here is where OPEN YOUR
MIND comes in. How about I am WO-MAN! My son would tease me and say that was short for "With-
Out man". lol He also says, when I walk into a bar "...sailors and soldiers run out while Marines buy me
a drink!" Smart kid. My point is a woman unlike a lady can be any damned thing she wants to be. Besides,
real women won't mind slapping a fella on the ass for a job well done either-we are talking equality
right? <evil grin>
4. So if equality is a truism for Lean In then why would key talking points on equal pay reference "...girls
setting the table and boys taking out the trash?" Seems a tad stereotypical and highly flawed doesn't it?
Well, Newsflash:
1. My girls used power tools, washed cars & took out the fucking trash, too. No it is not because I am
forever talking it either...
2. My son washed dishes & clothes, bought and put up groceries, cooked and watched his baby sister
as I traveled for work.
To be equal does not start with chores it starts with birth. Until we stop raising princesses and start
grooming pioneers, girls will forever see themselves as some babydoll their "new daddy" wants to dress
up and play with. Fuck that! "Anything Men can do I can do better!" You want equality? Raise
women not girls. Let our little girls get in the mud, wearing their frilly dresses, ripped jeans and flip flops
while the boys are taking their turn in the kitchen or grocer.
Equal means equal! No caveats! By the way, equal pay for equal work is not a female "...setting the table
being paid the same as a fella taking out trash" (paraphrasing Lean In). Trash collectors should be paid
more for smelling like - GARBAGE! I wanna say a 4-letter word but you are probably having a shit fit
already. oooops! With all that, ask yourself, why can't she also take out the damned trash? Then get paid
the same as him? Ain't equality grand!?
Kids shouldn't be paid for chores anyway-that is their way of contributing to the household. Doing so
sets a precedent for a sense of entitlement of everything else. But again I digress.
Now think hard-how do you DEFINE equal? There appears to be a huge disconnect with the mere
definition across socioeconomic levels and gender. No wonder the message is disjointed. For example:
Girls get their owees kissed while boys are told to shake it off.
Girls wash dishes, set tables, while boys take out the trash
Girls get kisses, coddling and hugs while boys get handshakes and atta boys.
Even the tone we use is gender specific.
WTF is that about? Listen Linda-Listen-I am by no means saying stop doing all of those things, I am saying
do not just do that. DO MORE! Include boys and girls in all aspects of what life is and can be. Diversity in
all things matters.
Until people actively and with purpose take steps to engage those who look nothing like them, moreover,
if those who most desire and require it-women of COLOR are left to the wayside, equality will remain an
illusion of inclusion. Businesses & people of business pursuing the Lean In model must rigorously recruit
Black women. Bring us to the table-LEARN while you Lean In.
5. Study after study reflects how much better business, schools, neighborhoods, etc are for inclusiveness.
Learn to speak to our language, accept our struggles and successes. Bask in our hopes and dreams but
also realize we want more than anything to be included in the conversations and the solutions.
So go ahead-LEAN IN! As you do, remember to extend a helping hand to those on their knees straining
to stand up. For if you fail, please believe the chances for others to Lean In shall continue to elude an
entire segment of people the Lean In model professes to be advocating for-WOMEN (of color)