Sun 0900-discipline-the-trouble-with-time-outs-mac namara---park

526 views

Published on

Published in: Health & Medicine, Business
0 Comments
0 Likes
Statistics
Notes
  • Be the first to comment

  • Be the first to like this

No Downloads
Views
Total views
526
On SlideShare
0
From Embeds
0
Number of Embeds
1
Actions
Shares
0
Downloads
2
Comments
0
Likes
0
Embeds 0
No embeds

No notes for slide

Sun 0900-discipline-the-trouble-with-time-outs-mac namara---park

  1. 1. The Trouble with Time-Outs, Deborah MacNamara, Ph.D. Copyright 2008 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 1 Discipline: The Trouble with Time-Outs and Separation Based Discipline Deborah MacNamara, PhD Faculty, Neufeld Institute, Vancouver Discipline: The Trouble with Time-Outs and Separation Based Discipline Deborah MacNamara, PhD Faculty, Neufeld Institute, Vancouver Faculty/Presenter DisclosureFaculty/Presenter Disclosure  Faculty: Deborah MacNamara, PhD  Relationship with commercial interests: - Faculty, Neufeld Institute, Vancouver, BC -The Neufeld Institute is a non-profit organization that provides education to parents and professionals on child and adolescent development.  Faculty: Deborah MacNamara, PhD  Relationship with commercial interests: - Faculty, Neufeld Institute, Vancouver, BC -The Neufeld Institute is a non-profit organization that provides education to parents and professionals on child and adolescent development.
  2. 2. The Trouble with Time-Outs, Deborah MacNamara, Ph.D. Copyright 2008 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 2 Disclosure of Commercial Support Disclosure of Commercial Support  This program has not received any financial support with the exception of an honorarium offered by the organizing committee.  Potential for conflict(s) of interest: Not applicable  This program has not received any financial support with the exception of an honorarium offered by the organizing committee.  Potential for conflict(s) of interest: Not applicable Mitigating Potential BiasMitigating Potential Bias  Supporting evidence/research provided outside of the Neufeld Institute.  Supporting evidence/research provided outside of the Neufeld Institute.
  3. 3. The Trouble with Time-Outs, Deborah MacNamara, Ph.D. Copyright 2008 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 3 Discipline: The Trouble with Time-Outs and Separation Based Discipline Deborah MacNamara, PhD Faculty, Neufeld Institute, Vancouver Discipline: The Trouble with Time-Outs and Separation Based Discipline Deborah MacNamara, PhD Faculty, Neufeld Institute, Vancouver What is the problem?
  4. 4. The Trouble with Time-Outs, Deborah MacNamara, Ph.D. Copyright 2008 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 4 Facing separation has profound impact on our emotions and on our psychological functioning. The more immature a child the more profound the impact. Facing separation has profound impact on our emotions and on our psychological functioning. The more immature a child the more profound the impact. • Based on behavioural principles, the intention was to provide negative reinforcement to extinguish troublesome behaviour. • Typically practiced they involve some separation, exclusion or isolation, can be both physical or emotional dimensions too • Based on behavioural principles, the intention was to provide negative reinforcement to extinguish troublesome behaviour. • Typically practiced they involve some separation, exclusion or isolation, can be both physical or emotional dimensions too What is a Time-Out?
  5. 5. The Trouble with Time-Outs, Deborah MacNamara, Ph.D. Copyright 2008 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 5 Examples of separation-based discipline:Examples of separation-based discipline: The use of separation (imposed or threatened) to bring the child into line. • ignoring, silent treatment, cold shoulder, feigning leaving • shunning, tough love, isolation, solitary confinement, suspension • 1-2-3 Magic, love withdrawal, ultimatums • “can’t live here unless you behave,” I can’t be your friend if you’re going to be like that,” You’re going to be the death of me” The use of separation (imposed or threatened) to bring the child into line. • ignoring, silent treatment, cold shoulder, feigning leaving • shunning, tough love, isolation, solitary confinement, suspension • 1-2-3 Magic, love withdrawal, ultimatums • “can’t live here unless you behave,” I can’t be your friend if you’re going to be like that,” You’re going to be the death of me” •From an adult’s point of view it is seen as a break in the game of life for the purpose of addressing a problem •From the child’s perspective it is seen as a break in the relationship when you are in trouble •From an adult’s point of view it is seen as a break in the game of life for the purpose of addressing a problem •From the child’s perspective it is seen as a break in the relationship when you are in trouble What is a Time-Out?
  6. 6. The Trouble with Time-Outs, Deborah MacNamara, Ph.D. Copyright 2008 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 6 Typical arguments for time-outs:Typical arguments for time-outs: • Extinguishes the undesirable behaviour • Calms the child down and leads to greater self-control • Causes self-reflection • Safe and civilized alternative to spanking or harsh reactions • Extinguishes the undesirable behaviour • Calms the child down and leads to greater self-control • Causes self-reflection • Safe and civilized alternative to spanking or harsh reactions Why time-outs work when they do:Why time-outs work when they do: … the threat or experience of separation from those attached triggers a pursuit of proximity Ie., pulls the attachment rug from under a child, triggering instincts to restore the relationship … the threat or experience of separation from those attached triggers a pursuit of proximity Ie., pulls the attachment rug from under a child, triggering instincts to restore the relationship
  7. 7. The Trouble with Time-Outs, Deborah MacNamara, Ph.D. Copyright 2008 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 7 … if the attachment is sufficiently developed, the pursuit of proximity will take the form of an impulse to be good … where the parents do not have a sufficient attachment with the child, time-outs can actually trigger an impulse to be bad … if the attachment is sufficiently developed, the pursuit of proximity will take the form of an impulse to be good … where the parents do not have a sufficient attachment with the child, time-outs can actually trigger an impulse to be bad Why time-outs work when they do:Why time-outs work when they do: The reason why time-outs work is why we shouldn’t use them. The reason why time-outs work is why we shouldn’t use them. • Separation is the ultimate weapon in the war on undesirable behaviour • Separation has the greatest impact of any experience • Separation is the ultimate weapon in the war on undesirable behaviour • Separation has the greatest impact of any experience It is rather fortuitous that children have such a high need for affiliation, as we are able to withhold until they come forth with social interest. Alfred Adler
  8. 8. The Trouble with Time-Outs, Deborah MacNamara, Ph.D. Copyright 2008 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 8 Time-outs will NOT be a problem if the child is able to preserve a sense of connection with the adult during the time-out. Time-outs will NOT be a problem if the child is able to preserve a sense of connection with the adult during the time-out. a) Child is attached emotionally and feels secure in this connection b) the parent remains warm and friendly, preserving this emotional connection during the loss of physical proximity a) Child is attached emotionally and feels secure in this connection b) the parent remains warm and friendly, preserving this emotional connection during the loss of physical proximity The potential fallout of separation-based disciplines: The potential fallout of separation-based disciplines: 1. Attachment problems • Insecurity, defensive detachment, alarm problems, alpha complex 1. Attachment problems • Insecurity, defensive detachment, alarm problems, alpha complex 2. Adaptation Problems • Loss of tears leading to increasing rigidity, lack of resilience, perseverating behaviour, failure to learn from mistakes and aggression problems 2. Adaptation Problems • Loss of tears leading to increasing rigidity, lack of resilience, perseverating behaviour, failure to learn from mistakes and aggression problems 3. Arrested Development • Lack of a secure base from which to venture forth leading to maturational delay.
  9. 9. The Trouble with Time-Outs, Deborah MacNamara, Ph.D. Copyright 2008 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 9 Supporting Evidence Psychological Gordon Neufeld (Neufeld Institute) Alfie Kohn Aletha Solter Peter Haiman Medical/Scientific - Dhiraj Aggarwal (Psychiatry, Children’s Hospital E. Ont.) - Allan Schore - Bruce Perry Organizations - Child Care Licensing Regulations, BC, AB, SASK etc. - Australia Association for Infant Mental Health, (Position Paper 3: Time Out) Principles of Safe Discipline 1. Discipline with the context of connection in mind, e.g., collect the child before directing. 2. Don’t try to make headway in the incident, instead try to do no harm. 3. Don’t attempt to control the child, instead take charge of the circumstances.
  10. 10. The Trouble with Time-Outs, Deborah MacNamara, Ph.D. Copyright 2008 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 10 Principles of Safe Discipline 4. If conveying the behaviour is not okay, convey that the relationship still is. 5. Make a quick exit if needed and address the situation later when emotional upset has diminished. 6. When addressing incidents, come alongside the emotions leading to behaviour, helping them to express and name internal states, suggesting a more civilized presentation wherever appropriate. Resources Books Hold Onto Your Kids (Neufeld and Mate) Punished by Rewards (Kohn) Discipline without Distress (Arnell) Connected Parenting (Kolari) Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids (Markham) • Please note, not all of these adhere to the developmental and relational principles based on the Neufeld approach but are generally viewed as more attachment based and developmentally friendly in nature DVD or online course Making Sense of Discipline (Neufeld Institute)
  11. 11. The Trouble with Time-Outs, Deborah MacNamara, Ph.D. Copyright 2008 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. 11 What children need most of all is right relationships and soft hearts.

×