look we’ve got a whole store and everything this is considered the metropolitan area that’s how many trees we have ok OREGON THE LAND OF TREES AND FISH fishing is a fucking art form here
BASIC FACTS•OK first of all•it’s pronounced ORE-uh-gun•not ore-EE-gone•pronounce it like that and we’ll stab you with a tree branch•founded in 1859 on motherfuckingValentine’s Day•our flag is two-sided and has agoddamn beaver on the back•population: 3,899,353•we’re the reason for the OregonTrail video game you played inelementary school•enjoy your dysentery
SPORTS our mascots suck OMG ducks and beavers so scaryespecially the college ones at least one’s a disney characterwe’ve got like two professional teams the Timbers in soccer and the Trail Blazers in basketballand frankly with all our teams either they suck or nobody cares
PORTLAND•a bunch of hipsters, bridges, and bicycles•place where that show “Portlandia” is based•a fuck ton of weird shit•like there’s a naked bicycle riding event•and people dressed up on unicycles•also VooDoo Doughnut which serves food like this-->•basically the big city•oh and one time someone tried to bomb the ChristmasTree lighting•“friendly” rivalry with the city of Seattle•basically they try to see who has more hipsters and water <--see this? this is normal
EASTERN OREGON•UH??•UHHHHH???????//????•COWS AND FARMS ANDSHEEP IM PRETTY SURE?????•AND A COLLEGE?????•yeah•it’s pretty much the ignoredmiddle child of the entirestate
COASTLINEthere’s so much fishing and crabbing you don’t understand so much “no don’t eat me pretty please” we’ve got a balls-rocking aquarium that hosted Shamu for a while oh and Mo’s fucking Mo’s y’all haven’t tasted true clam chowder until you hit up Mo’s
NATUREWE’RE FUCKING HARDCORE ABOUT OUR ENVIRONMENT HERE BRO LOOK AT THE BEAUITFUL WATERFALL DO YOU SEE ITAND THIS IS OUR PRIDE AND JOY MOUNT MOTHERFUCKING HOOD OUR OCEANS ARE MIRACULOUS FUCKING FREEZING BUT MIRACULOUS
THERE’S A LOT OF FUCKING WATERoh my god it rains here so much you forget what the sun looks like halfway through fall <--normal weather here in oregon I can’t count how many rivers we have herewe have the deepest lake in the USA right here--> guess what it’s all made of? rain water all 1,946 feet of it that’s how much it fucking rains here
FAMOUS PEOPLE FROM OREGON•the creator of nike•we love our nike fuk u adidas go home•UH•UH???•UH?????????????•we don’t have any more people•but we do have Gravity Falls and Tillamook Ice Cream so suck it•OH YEAH AND THE CREATOR OF THE SIMPSONS
IN CONCLUSION•there’s a lot of water•and a lot of crazy shit•the state is practically made of trees and rain•and if you pronounce Oregon wrong we will strangle you with ourstrong lumberjack hands
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