Funny jokes
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Funny jokes

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read it ahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

read it ahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • 1. Yo Momma Jokes Yo mommas so dumb she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go! Yo mama so dumb she stared at da orange juice bottle cause it said concentrate Your momma is so fat that when she stepped on the scale it said one at a time please. Yo mammas so fat you could slap her legs and ride the waves Yo mama so dumb she sold her car for gas money Yo Mamas so fat, she got baptized at Sea World. Youre moms so stupid, she got locked up in a super market and starved Yo Momma is so fat she walked out in high heels and came back in flip flops. Yo Mommas So Fat When her beeper goes off, people think shes backing up. Yo mamas so fat when she ordered a water bed they layed a blanket on the Pacific Ocean Yo mammas like a shotgun, one cock and she blows. Yo mama so dumb that when I said "christmas is just around the corner" she went looking for it! Yo Mammas so fat it takes two busses and a train to get on her good side. Your mom is so stupid, I said its chilly outside, your mom ran outside wit a bowl and a spoon and asked where?? Yo Momma so fat she stepped on da scale and and it said to be continued... Yo Mamas so poor, when I was asking why she was banging on the dumpster she said, "My kids locked me out." Yo Momma so dumb when she saw a bus with white people in it she said, "Go catch that twinky." Yo mommas so fat, she has to use a matress for a tampon. Yo mammas so stupid, she jumped off a boat and missed the water. Yo mamas so fat, when she stepped on the dogs tail we had to change his name to Beaver. Yo mommas so fat that when she goes outside in her yellow jacket people say "Look its the magic school bus!!!" Yo Mamma so fat that when the school bus drives by she yells STOP THAT TWINKIE! Yo Mama so fat she went into a zoo and a zookeeper said, "Oh boy...another elephant got out!" Yo mamma so stupid, it took her two hours to watch 60 minutes Yo mamma is like a brick, flat on both sides and gets laid by mexicans! Yo mamas so fat that when she went to wal-mart she tripped over k-mart and hit target!!!!:-D Yo momma is so fat, she stepped on a dollar and made change. Yo mamas so poor when I saw her kickin a can down the street, I asked her what was she doing and she said she was movin Your mammas so stupid she got locked in mattress store and slept on the floor. Yo mama so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles came out.... Your mama is so fat she jumped in to the ocean and the whales stated to sing we are family.
  • 2. Yo mamas so fat she has her own zipcode Yo Momma is like a doornob, everyone gets a turn. Yo mammas so fat she fell in love and broke it Yo Mamas so fat, when she stepped onto the scale it said "to infinity and beyond!" Yo Momma so fat, when she went to swim in the ocean she said "Oops Im in the kiddy pool!" I thought you were ugly ... and then I met your mama Yo Mamma is like a hockey playa, shedoesnt changer her pads for 3 periods! Yo Mommas so ugly on Halloween, people go as her. Yo mommas so fat that when she jumped for joy she got stuck! Yo Momma is so fat that her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard. Yo mama so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself! Yo Momma so fat her tanning bed was Mexico! Your momma is so retarded she got stabbed in a shootout. Yo mommas so fat, she walked in front of the t.v and I missed a whole series of friends! Yo momma is so fat, shes taller sideways. Yo Mamma so stupid that she went to Dr. Dre for liposuction. Yo Momma so dumb, she sat on the TV to watch the couch Yo mommas so fat, she uses the pacific ocean to take a bath. Im not here... but yo mama is ;-) Yo Mommas so horny, when she found out Winnie the Pooh had no pants, she a got a boner. Yo momma so greasy they hired her at the cinima to put the butter on the popcorn! Yo Momma so stupid her favorite color is clear. Yo mamas so fat that at the circus she nicknamed the elephant pee wee. Your mommas so fat that when she fell in the forest, the loggers said "TIMBER"! Your momma is so fat that when she sweats she can be used as a steam roller. Your mommas so fat she has to use the ocean as her toilet!Blonde Jokes A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I cant figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when its finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, its a tiger. "Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, were not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He held her hand softly, led her to a chair and said, "Secondly, Id advise you to relax. Lets have a cup of coffee, and then. ... "He sighed, "lets put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
  • 3. A blonde goes to the movies, her boyfriend asks if she wants any thing to eat,she says yes M&Ms. So he goes to get her some M&Ms. He comes back withthe M&Ms and gives them to her, she opens up the bag and pulls out all thebrown ones and gives it to her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked why she gave himall the brown ones, and she said "Oh Im allergic to chocolate."A blonde was sitting outside a store on the curb crying..the manager of the storespotted her outside and went outside and asked the blonde whats wrong...shesaid her mother just died..and the manager said oh Im sorry.. the blondes cellphone starts to ring and she answers it and says hello..omg! are you serious!..and she hangs up and the manager asks her who that was and the blondesays...that was my sister...her mom just died too!A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, "I locked my keys inmy car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the windowto unlock the door?""Why sure," said the manager, "I have a hanger you can use."A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde wasdoing, he heard another voice from a blonde inside the car. "No, no! A little to theleft."There was 3 moms... 1 was brunette, 1 was a redhead and the other was ablonde. The redhead mom walks into her daughters room and finds a cigarette.She says "I didnt know my daughter smoked." The brunette walks into herdaughters room and found a beer can. She say "I didnt know my daughterdrank." The blonde walks into her daughters room and finds a condom. She says"I didnt know my daughter had a dick"Theres a smart blonde, and Santa Claus ... they both jump off a bridge, whichone made the biggest splash? Neither ..because they both dont exist!A blonde, brunette,and a redhead are hiding on a farm from the police. Thebrunette hides in the chicken pen, and when the cop goes by, she says "cluckcluck" with the chickens, and he goes by not noticing. The redhead hides in thepig pen, and when the cop goes by, she says "oink oink" and the cop doesntnotice. Now the dumb blonde goes and hides in a potatoe sack, and when thecop walks by, she says "potato potato!" and shes busted!Once there was a blonde a red head and a bernette who got stuck on adesserted island 10 miles away from land. One day the burmette said, "I canttake this anymore" and swam three miles then drowned. Then the red head said,"I cant take this anymore either" swam 5 miles then drowned. Then the blondesaid "ummmya me neither" swam 9 miles got tired and swam back.Blondes have more fun but at least brunettes can remember it the next day.There is a mirror that sucks in people that lie. A red hed walks up and says "Ithink I am the smartest girl in the world." and she gets sucked in. A brunettewalks up and says "I think I am the prettiest girl in the whole world." and she getssucked in. Then, a blonde walks up and says "I think...I think...AHHHHHH!!!!" andshe gets sucked in.What happened to the blonde when she tried to blow up her ex husbands car?She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe!
  • 4. How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool. I once knew a blonde who thought a quarterback was a refund. Why did the blonde junp out the window?? She wanted to see how her maxi pads wings worked! Im blonde whats your excuse? Im blonde and Im out trying to prank call 911 but I cant find the 11 be back when I find it. I just found out Slim Shady is Eminem!!! I HAVE TO TELL THE WORLD We all have our blonde streaks but you used the whole bottle of dye! What is the smartest blonde? Let me think. Apparently not you, it must be the Golden Retriever. Im not stupid but Ill admit that Im blonde, Just give me time ... hey look theres a bird. Never overestimate the power of blondesespecally if there is more than one. What do you do when you see a one-legged blonde? Stop laughing and reload. Just because youre blonde doesnt mean you have an excuse for being stupid. :- D How do you kill a blonde... Tell her to catch a deep sea fish. Im out like a blonde in trig.Fat Jokes Hey!! they made a song about your weight 8675309 Can fat people go skinny dipping? At fat camp, the guys have bigger boobs Bored as a fat person without food Fat people are harder to kidnap Never under estimate fat people in large groups Dear Lord, If you cant make me SKINNY, Please make my friends FAT! I would probably cry too, if I had a stomach the size of the ocean blue! Only in America are "poor" people fat. One day a woman asked her daughter to go get some jellyrolls. The girl went to the bakery and ordered all of the jellyrolls that the bakery had. Then she stuffed them all in her mouth and swallowed. When she got home her mom asked where the jellyrolls were. The girl lifts up her shirt and says here, these are the jelly rolls.General Insults
  • 5. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen toyou?Right now Im sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point ofview but I cant get my head that far up my ass.A pretty girl can kiss a guy* a bird can kiss a butterfly* the rising sun can kiss thegrass* but you my friend!! yes you!! YOU CAN KISS MY ASS*******If you didnt have feet you wouldnt wear shoes.....then why do you wear a bra??!mirrors dont talk but lucky for you %n they dont laughPoof be gone, your breath is too strong, I dont wanna be mean, but you needlisterine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole friggin bottlePeople like you are the reason Im on medication.Dont piss me off today, Im running out of places to hide to bodiesI have always woundered why people bang their heads against brick walls.....then I met you. Dont bother leaving a message.Dont let your mind wander. Its way to small to be outside by itself!I had a nightmare. I dreamt I was you.Hey, Remember that time I told you I thought you were cool? I LIED.I need you...........I want you............To get out of my faceDamn not you again.......Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you first.I am not anti-social..I just dont like youIf youre gonna act like a dick you should wear a condom on your head so youcan at least look like one !!!Hmm...I dont know what your probelm is...but Im going to bet its really hard topronounce...There are some stupid people in this world. You just helped me realize it.Until you called me I couldnt remember the last time I wanted somebodysfingers to break so badly.If you ran 1,000,000 miles to see the boy/girl of your dreams, what would you saywhen you got there?Wow, you looked a lot hotter from a distance!Cancel my subscriptions ... Im tired of your issues.I may be fat,but youre ugly,and I can diet!!!Earth is full. Go home.If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldnt be you.Hey, heres a hint. If i dont answer you the first 25 times, what makes you thinkthe next 25 will work?How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and Ill get back toyou...Oh dear! Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the waydown!Whats that ugly thing growing out of your neck... Oh... Its your head...Im sorry, Talking to you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns.Oh Im sorry, how many times did your parents drop you when you were a baby?
  • 6. Dont hate me because Im beautiful hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.God made mountains, god made trees, god made you but we all make mistakes.Remember JESUS loves you but everyone else thinks youre an idiot.Im not mean ... youre just a sissy.Sorry I cant think of an insult stupid enough for you.Why dont you go outside any play, hide and go f**k yourselfBeauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the boneHow about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up? Im away livewith it.FOR THE LAST TIME! Your mother left here at 9 this morning... Leave me alone!Lets see, Ive walked the dog, cleaned my room, gone shopping and gossipedwith my friends...Nope, this list doesnt say that Im required to talk to you.When you were born you were so ugly that instead of slapping you, the doctorslapped your mom! leave a messageMy Mom said never talk to strangers and well, since youre really strange.... Iguess that means I cant talk to you!Forget the ugly stick! you must have been born in the ugly forrest!I really dont like you but if you really must leave a message, Ill be nice and atleast pretend to care.You know the drill! You leave a message....and I ignore it!The Village just called. They said they were missing their town idiot, I couldntreally understand them, but I think they were saying the name was yours...Im not here right now so cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVERIT!!!Why are you bothering me? I have my away message on cause I dont want tolisten to you and your stupid nonsense.You dont know me, you just wish you did.Hey- I am away from my computer but in the meantime, why dont you go play intraffic?!You have your whole life to be a jerk....so why dont you take a day off so..leaveme a message for when I get back!